Page 14 of Curse of Darkness
“I” killed him, again and again.
And “I” taunted him with the lie that I only ever married Thiago in order to worm my way into his court.
It broke him.
Every time he looks at me, he sees a liar. A murderer. A manipulative bitch who was sent to destroy the prince he loved and served. The trauma to both his body and mind twisted him.
Lysander knows the truth. Baylor tells him what truly happened every morning when he wakes, but the fury and rage of the bane makes it difficult for him to see through the lies imprinted on his soul.
That fury lurks within me too, a seed of anger buried so deep its roots threaten to twine through my soul when I think of my mother.
Shekilled him.
She ruined my friend.
She is responsible for all of this.
For Amaya. My lack of memories. My husband’s death.
For a moment I can’t breathe again—I’m lost in the sound Thiago’s head makes as it slams against the floor. I can feel that fleshythudseeping through my ribs, forcing them wide open. It hurts. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to remember.
And then a warm hand steals over mine.
Baylor. Not looking at me. Not asking. Just there. There in a way I need so desperately.
It blurts from my lips. “Edain arrived this morning. My mother realized Andraste stole the Crown of Shadows and gave it to me. She cursed him and cast him out, and she sent my sister north to the goblin clans in order to cement an alliance there.” I can barely breathe again. “There’s movement on the borders—my mother’s troops jostling into position as if she’s preparing to make a strike against us. If the goblins spill down from the mountains, they’ll either force us against my mother’s warriors like a meatgrinder or we’ll be fighting a war on two fronts. Eris has been arguing for me to allow her to ride for the border and hold our armies against Asturia, but I need her here.”
I think of everything Thalia’s been telling me. “The Crown Princess of Ravenal insists upon an audience with me. The Mother of Night’s in my fucking head, demanding I bring the crown to her. I’ve been putting her off, but she came at me through Amaya. She’s been talking to her too. I didn’t even realize that was possible.”
I can’t hold any of it in any longer. “My back is against the wall. I have to make a move, but which move? My mother? The Asturian army? Andraste? The goblins? The Mother of Night?” My breath catches roughly. “And I can barely think right now. I can barely breathe. I just want him back. I want himhere. I want to hold him in my arms. I want to tell him how much I loved him—I was always so afraid of breathing those words, of risking them, because until we broke the curse, I didn’t want to tempt fate, and now I know I never said it enough. I rarely said it and now he’s gone—”
“He knew.” Baylor slings an arm around my shoulders and hauls me close, my face mashing into his chest as a sob escapes me. “We all knew how much you loved him, Vi. It was there in your face every time you looked at him.”
Tears bleed down my face. I’ve been holding it in for so long that my lungs heave, fighting to break free of the hold I have on them.
If I give in, I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper, drawing back and dashing them away from my eyes. “I don’t know how to fix this. I feel like I’m choking. On nothing. He’s gone, Baylor. He’sgone.”
It’s the first time I’ve ever said the words out loud.
And they slay me even now.
I know what it feels like to have hope, even when some part of you knows the truth.
It’s not real, your mind says. It can’t be real.
Thiago’s not dead. He’s not gone.
There has to be some way....
Even as you hear that sound ricocheting through your heart each and every night.
Baylor goes to one knee before me, his silvery hair bound on top of his head in a knot. He looks as bad as I do—three days past a bath, and his clothes in desperate need of a wash—but there’s something solid about him. The rock that a thousand tides can’t wash away. The rock that won’t break.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I let my own grief swallow me whole and now is not the time for grief. I will ride north with Edain and rescue your sister.”
“No.” I capture his hands. His offer cuts through the ringing in my ears. Baylor and Eris are Evernight’s finest generals, and while there are others, they’re the ones with a direct line to the crown. “Evaron is holding the north against the goblins. Gwydion is holding the south. But neither of them is you.” It hurts to say this when Andraste gave up so much for me, but a queen isn’t allowed to let her feelings get in the way of her kingdom’s survival. Vi can do what she wants, but the Queen of Evernight isn’t allowed such luxuries, and right now, I can’t just be Iskvien. I have an entire kingdom relying upon me. “I can’t send you to rescue Andraste. I can’t send Eris. I need you both here, talking strategy to me. Finn, maybe—”
