Page 38 of Yours Always
They sat down on the tufted settee near the window. Grace tucked her legs beneath her and stared out at the garden, the frost clinging to the hedgerows like lace. “Everything’s changed,” she murmured. “I keep waiting for him to walk in wearing that dreadful hat he liked.”
“I know,” Matthew said quietly. Grace’s throat bobbed. “Some mornings I forget, just for a moment. I wake up and think I’ve dreamt it and that he will be waiting downstairs to take me off on some wonderfully, ridiculous adventure. Then it hits meall over again.” Matthew’s hands clenched in his lap. “I think about him constantly. Every moment. Every decision. There’s a voice in my head asking what Ben would’ve done.”
Grace’s eyes filled. She didn’t cry, but her lower lip trembled. “I miss him so much I can’t breathe some days.” Matthew nodded, unable to speak for a long moment. “Grace...” he started, then stopped. Grace turned to him, curious. “What is it?”
He swallowed hard and reached into his coat pocket. His fingers closed around the delicate chain, and for a moment, he almost didn’t pull it out, but it wasn’t his to keep. Not when it had been meant for her. “I wasn’t sure if I should give this to you.” Her brow furrowed.
Matthew opened his hand. The silver star necklace lay in his palm, the light catching on the gems Benjamin had chosen with such care. Grace stared at it. “He had it with him when...” Matthew’s voice softly trailed off. “He was planning to surprise you with it on Christmas morning.”
A sound escaped her, part sob, part gasp. She reached out, her fingers trembling as she took the necklace from his hand. “I asked for this,” she whispered. “Not even seriously. I just saw it once, and said something in passing. He remembered?”
“Of course he remembered.” Matthew’s voice was tight. "He remembered everything about you.” Grace clutched the necklace to her chest, her eyes brimming. “This is why he went out that night?” she asked. “Because of me?”
“No,” Matthew said firmly, but the word rang hollow in his throat. “Grace, don’t do that to yourself. Don’t carry it like that.”
Her voice cracked. “But if I hadn’t said anything—”
“Then he would have found another reason, and you know he would have. That’s who Ben was. He did everything with his whole heart.” He looked at her, eyes aching with memory, hisvoice cracking, just slightly. “You were his whole heart, Grace.” She nodded, tears falling freely now.
“Sarah sent a message a few days ago, but I haven’t been able to reply…” Grace said quietly. Matthew nodded; he understood the need for distance. It was the very reason it had taken him so long to come and see her. “You have seen her, though?” she asked after a pause. Matthew stiffened ever so slightly. “Briefly.”
Grace didn’t press, though the look in her eyes suggested she knew there was more to be said. Instead, she simply rested a hand on his knee. “I’m glad you came,” she said softly. Matthew placed his hand over hers, grounding himself in the one thing that still felt like family. “So am I,” he murmured.
Chapter 23
Sarah sat curledin the corner of the parlor settee, a thick shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders. It did little to chase away the gnawing chill that had rooted itself deep in her bones. She stared blankly at the fire, barely noticing the warmth or the light it cast across the dim room. The soft knock startled her. “Come in,” she called hoarsely.
The door creaked open, and Grace stepped inside. Sarah blinked in surprise, and a fresh wave of guilt surged through her. “Grace, I am so sorry,” Sarah blurted, rising unsteadily to her feet. “I should have been there. When you didn’t reply to my message I should have—”
Grace shook her head and crossed the room in two quick strides, pulling Sarah into a tight, trembling hug. “You don’t have to apologize,” she whispered fiercely. “You lost him too.” Sarah clung to her, fighting tears she thought she no longer hadthe strength to shed. “I miss him,” Sarah said at last, her voice cracking. “I miss him too,” Grace murmured, squeezing her hands. “Every moment feels wrong without him.”
They sat together on the settee, hands intertwined, long after the fire had burned low, speaking of Benjamin the way one does when the loss is still too fresh to feel final—of small, half-forgotten moments, the way he could never sit still when he was excited, the way he teased to make them laugh when they were on the verge of tears, the way he loved fully and without hesitation. There were tears, but there was laughter too; the soft, surprised kind that comes when the beauty of a memory is stronger than the pain, even if only a fleeting moment.
When the quiet returned, it wasn’t empty. It was full of love, loss, and the ache of having known him. The fire crackled in the grate, its glow flickering across their faces, until Grace spoke again, softer now, but with a quiet urgency. “Matthew came to see me yesterday.”
Sarah froze. Her gaze dropped to her lap, twisting the edge of her shawl between her fingers. Grace noticed immediately. “Sarah,” she said, sharper now. “What happened?”
Sarah hesitated. She blinked hard, as if trying to will the words into order; words she hadn’t dared speak aloud. Her hands fidgeted in her lap, twisting the fabric of her skirt until her knuckles went white. She looked everywhere but at Grace. And then softly, like it hurt to admit, “He kissed me, Grace.”
She lifted her gaze for just a moment, but Grace said nothing. “It wasn’t just a moment, or something foolish. It felt real. Like everything I hadn’t let myself feel finally made sense.” Grace remained silent, simply sat still, her eyes steady and heart open, the way only someone who truly loved you could. She was waiting. It undid something in Sarah. The words tumbled out.
“The next morning, he told me it was a mistake.” The last word came out in a whisper, bitter and bruised. Sarah wrappedher arms around herself, as though trying to hold the memory back. “And I couldn’t breathe, so I just left. We haven’t spoken since.”
Grace let out a sharp laugh, but there was nothing amused about it. It was the sound of someone who had run out of patience on someone else’s behalf. “You are both absolute fools,” she said flatly. Sarah’s head snapped up, startled, but Grace didn’t soften. “You,” Grace jabbed a finger toward her, “for running away. And him, for letting you.”
Sarah opened her mouth, whether to argue or explain, even she wasn’t sure, but Grace didn’t give her the chance. She surged forward, her voice rising with each word, trembling not with anger, but with something far more fragile, grief sharpened into fury. “You two have spent your entire lives loving each other, and now when it matters the most, you are still letting pride and fear keep you apart.”
Her laugh was bitter. “I would give anything for one more hour with Benjamin, to tell him again how much I love him, and here you two are, throwing away what most people never even find and others are unable to keep.”
Sarah flinched, the words striking deep. Tears welled in her eyes again. She looked down, her throat tight, hands curled in her lap like she didn’t know where else to place the pain. Grace exhaled hard, dragging in a shaky breath, as though she too was trying to gather what was left of herself. She didn’t look away. She didn’t apologize, because sometimes love meant saying the thing that hurt.
She held Sarah’s gaze, breath still uneven, not angry now, but something quieter. She looked down at her hands for a moment, as if gathering the words. When she spoke again, her voice was lower, calmer and almost tender. “You need to know something.” She glanced up, eyes steady now. “Before Matthewleft for Scotland, your mother went to see him.” Sarah stared at her, wide-eyed. “What?” “
“She told him he didn’t have enough to offer you. That you deserved a title, a fortune, and security. She asked him to step aside to make way for the Duke.” Sarah gasped, horror rising like a tide. “But Matty wouldn’t have listened to her. If he truly cared—”
“He does care,” Grace said softly, cutting through the doubt. Her eyes shimmered with conviction. “He told Benjamin that if he came back from Scotland and had anything left to offer you, he was going to tell you the truth. He was going to ask you to marry him.” Sarah’s heart clenched so tightly she could barely draw breath. “Then why didn’t he?” she whispered.
Grace’s expression softened. She reached for Sarah’s hands again, her grip steady, anchoring. “Because buying back his father’s business cost him everything” she said gently. She waited for a moment and watched the words land. “It wasn’t just his townhouse he lost.”
