Page 85 of The Wise Daughter
Earlier, before they were interrupted, he had looked at her like a man in love. She tried to remember each word, each compliment, and each tender gaze as evidence it was so. Was it possible she had seen something there that didn’t exist? Had her own hope given rise to false expectations?
Have I made a mistake?
Or perhapsshewas the mistake, just as Mr. Carver had implied that day outside the stables. The memory of his words now rang in her ears.
“He knew,” she whimpered to the vines. “He knew Aaron would regret me.” Aaron regretted engaging himself to a stranger with a humiliating reputation.
She wanted to cry, but no tears came. She wanted to groan with the way her stomach twisted, but no sound escaped her throat. Overcome, she bent in half and heaved, clenching her middle to brace against the shock of so much hurt. She didn’t know how many minutes she sat bent over like that, but her fear of being discovered alone in her wretched state gave her the strength to straighten herself and walk.
If Aaron wanted her gone, she would leave. To stay and fight to convince him to marry her against his wishes was beneath her.
“I have royal Saxon blood you know,” she spoke softly into the night.
Barely aware of how her body shook, she slipped inside the castle through one of the servants’ back entrances, climbed the staircases, and traversed the corridors back to her bedchamber. She would leave immediately, exactly as she had come, carrying nothing but what she wore. Only this time, as she left Ravenglass behind, she would spit on that bridge.
Chapter 30
Nora had never been one to grow ill from swaying carriages, but tonight, tucked away in one with her father, she thought she was going to be sick. The castle’s light disappeared behind trees, like candles being snuffed. Whispers of music from the ball drifted until they were drowned out by carriage wheels rolling over gravel and dirt.
There were several people Nora would have liked to say goodbye to, Mrs. Manning, Mrs. Bloom, Chuff, even Ruthers, who she still hoped was trustworthy. What would Janie think of her leaving without a goodbye? Janie would come to Nora’s bedchamber only to find her note explaining that she had to leave and asking her to please take care of Scamp.
My precious little kitten.
Leaving Scamp had especially stung. Nora had almost decided she couldn’t leave him after all, but after Aaron’s cold and sudden change of heart, nothing could persuade her to take anything with her that she had not brought to the castle herself. At least she still had Locket.
Nora smoothed the skirts of her old, mud-stained dress. Her hand looked too small without Aaron’s signet ring on her thumb. Taken without warning, just like his affection, it was the only thing she did not want to give up other than him.
He hadn’t even come to see them off.
With the next bump in the carriage, Nora breathed through her nausea and wished she had chosen to ride Locket who clambered along behind the carriage with an unknown groomsman who had been hired for the night to help with the ball while the castle’s usual men danced.
Beyond the darkness outside her window, she continually saw Aaron walking away from her in the garden, the change in his countenance, the stiffness in his movements. She blinked back the moisture building in her eyes. It was pointless to wonder what had caused the change. He had decided. A marriage between them would not work.
Her father, sitting across from her, gazed at his lap. How disappointed he must be! The further they rode from the castle, the more she could almost hear his thoughts. They wouldn’t be in this predicament if she had accepted Lord Newberry. She almost laughed to herself, still without a regret in her bones for that decision. Those awkward moments in West Riding were now a lifetime away. Her heart belonged to Aaron, whether he wanted it or not.
The silence in the carriage pressed on her thoughts until it became unbearable.
“You’ve been terribly quiet, Father.”
He barely looked up. “Well, I don’t understand how you could leave all those new gowns behind. I’m sure the duke intended for you to keep them. What the devil is he supposed to do with them?”
“Whatever he wants,” she grumbled. “No matter what has happened, I cannot have him believing I wanted his money.” Like everything else he had given her, the gowns remained at the castle.Let him give them to the next woman who becomes engaged to him,she added bitterly.
“I’m sorry, Nora, for all of this. Never mind what I said about the gowns. This is my fault.”
Her eyes stung with tears. “No. I don’t believe that.”
“It’s true. He only asked us to leave after his meeting with Lord Bilford.”
He blew his nose into his handkerchief and told her the entire story of taking up the habit of playing cards with him and, finally, of wagering Raven Manor in his last attempt to regain what he had lost from his previous wagers.
“It wasn’t an honest wager, me offering up a property I did not own. I didn’t think it would matter. I knew I would win. Then I lost, just like every other tempting wager. I won’t blame you if you leave me to fend for myself after this. No, I won’t have arguing. I hope you do. You would do much better without me. I know you’ll find a desirable position somewhere. Do your best to earn a little money. I imagine you’ll meet someone eventually and marry. I really thought the duke had lost his heart to you.”
Nora had to look away as he said this, incapable of explaining that Aaron must have changed his mind for other reasons.
“You may not have the life I had hoped you would have, Nora.” He blew his nose again. “But you’ll find a way.”
“Goodness. You must be feeling truly awful to suggest I work to earn my own way.”
