Page 81 of Kill the Beast
His voice was unbearably gentle, and when she looked up athim, she was overcome with emotion. He knew, now. That her brother had died because of her. That it was her fault they were there that night, her fault they were standing right in front of the cage when the monster escaped. He knew the horrible truth, and the fact that his expression was soft with understanding in the face of this revelation shifted something irreversibly within her.
For once in her life, she didn’t feel the urge to push someone away for daring to get too close to her. Instead, she reached out and laced her fingers through Alderic’s.
“Are you okay?” Alderic asked Lyssa gently as they left the Kingmaker and headed toward Buxton Fields Memorial Park.
“No,” she said. “But I don’t have the luxury of breaking down. We still need to get a personal concern from you before we can forge the sword, and we’re running out of time.” They were so close that the thought of it sent a spark of excitement and anxiety through her.
“I already have my personal concern,” Alderic said; his tone was casual but his smile was forced.
She stopped walking. Frowned at him. “Really?”
“Yes. I… I thought about what you said, in the crypt, and I realized that you were right. Any item I choose will work, so long as it holds the appropriate emotional associations.”
Lyssa crossed her arms. “Oh, so Brandy’s collar wasn’t good enough, butyoucan use whatever you want?” He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. “Fine. What did you choose, then?”
“Something that makes me happy.” He blushed furiously, which only piqued her curiosity even more.
“What is it?” she asked. “When did you collect it?”
He lifted his chin. “None of your business.”
She scowled, understanding now why people got so annoyed when she said those words. But she refused to let him use her own tactics against her. “Oh, no, you don’t,” she said. “You don’t get to do that. I need to make sure it’s something we can actually use,” she lied, holding out her hand. “There are rules.”
Alderic didn’t question that at all. He merely sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out…
“A leaf?” Lyssa demanded. “Why a leaf?”
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “It was in your hair, at the cemetery. After Honoria stabbed you.”
She blinked at him. “Me bleeding out made you happy?”
“Of course not.” He looked at her, finally. “It was… what you said, right before.”
“What did I say?” She still couldn’t remember some of the finer details.
“That I’m your friend.” He pressed the leaf into her outstretched palm, and she stared down at it. He was saying something to her, something she couldn’t hear over the beat of blood in her ears, the sudden ache in her heart.
“Lyssa?” he said, brows drawing together, and the sound of her name on his lips jolted her out of it. She put the leaf in her pack, next to the photograph, and then she stared at him until he looked uncomfortable.
“What?” he demanded.
She shook herself free of the thoughts that were forming in her head. It was all tangled, a mess of feelings and what-ifs that she wasn’t ready to voice aloud. “Nothing. I’m… I’m just glad you have something we can use. That means we can go straight back to Ragnhild’s and start forging the sword.”
They walked the rest of the way to the memorial park in silence, Alderic glancing at her with obvious concern every few minutes.
When they got to the back wall of the park where it was easiest to draw a Door, she turned to face him. She had to be sure, before she made a fool of herself.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he said.
“When you dove into the lake to save Brandy from the mermaids… did you only do it because you knew you couldn’t die?” It was something that had been needling the back of her mind. Something that had disappointed her—maybe becauseif she had to pinpoint the moment she began to love Alderic, it would be that one.
“I did it because he’s important to you,” Alderic replied, seeming taken aback by the question. “My immortality didn’t really cross my mind, in that moment. All that mattered to me was saving your friend.”
“And when you got yourself turned into a pincushion at Liedensham Cemetery?”
“All that mattered to me then was savingmyfriend.” His brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you asking me this?”
