Page 82 of Kill the Beast
She shifted her weight from foot to foot, mustering the courage to say what she was thinking out loud. “Your curse,” she said slowly.
His face grew wary. “What about it?”
“What if… what if I could break it?”
He went still, opening and closing his mouth as if he had no idea how to respond.
She said in a rush, suddenly self-conscious, “I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone in a long time. Ikilledfor you, without hesitation, and I would do it again. I want to see your stupid face and your ridiculous outfits every single day until I die. And you… you make me want to be a better person, Alderic. I don’t know what else that could be except—”
“Don’t,” he said quietly, his eyes filled with pain. “Please don’t say it. You…” He struggled with the words. “You, of all people, cannot break the curse.”
“What doesthatmean?” she said, and then flushed as she realized what he was getting at. “Oh. The curse. You… you have to love them back in equal measure, I guess, don’t you?” She shook her head, suddenly wishing she were anywhere but in this park with him. “I thought… the leaf… Ungharad’s flaming sword,” she groaned. “I’m an idiot. Forget I said anything.”
“You misunderstand me,” Alderic said softly. “You are infuriating and boorish and your penchant for violence is downright criminal, and yet…” His hands clenched into fists and he tooka steadying breath, as if what he was about to say was difficult for him to admit. “And yet I care more about you than I have ever cared about anyone in my entire life.”
The air suddenly seemed much more difficult to breathe. Lyssa gaped at him. “You do?”
“Yes,” Alderic said, and her pulse beat an uneven staccato in her throat. “Your loyalty to those lucky enough to be considered your friends was enough to make me want to be counted among them. But your willingness to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves, the fact that you are unapologeticallyyouno matter what anyone thinks of you, the tender heart hidden beneath your layers of iron and steel… those things made me truly love you.”
The ache of affection within her was followed swiftly by confusion. “If that’s how you feel, then why can’t I break your curse?”
“Because no matter what you might think you feel for me in this moment, there is no way you could continue feeling it, if you truly knew me.”
“How can you say that?” she demanded, frustrated that he could eventhinkshe didn’t truly know him, after everything they had been through together. That he could think there was anything that would change her mind, after he had proven time and again that he was not the entitled rich asshole she’d assumed he was, when she’d first gotten his letters. “You saved my life, Alderic. Twice. You saved my dog’s life, too. And you are somehow the kindest, most selfless person I have ever known, despite having enough money to fill a lake and swim around in it. What couldpossiblyscare me off now?”
“Lyssa…” There was a war going on inside of him; she could see it on his face. Finally, his jaw set, and he started unbuttoning his shirt with trembling fingers. “Remember when I told you that no matter how much someone seemed to love me, there was always a moment when my true self came out, and everything fell apart?”
An inexplicable sense of dread crawled through her. “Are yougoing to tell me you have scales under there, or something?” she asked, her voice breathless with fear.
He opened his shirt, revealing his muscled chest.
There, carved into his flesh, was the glyph of the Beast.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
LYSSA STARED ATthe scars on Alderic’s chest, the world going pale at the edges. It felt like her entire body was vibrating, and she realized distantly that she was shaking.
“Lyssa, I’m sorry.” He took a step forward, reaching out like he wanted to steady her. “I never meant for this to happen.”
She staggered back, away from him, thudding up against the wall of the memorial park. “Why do you have that on your chest?” she croaked. He didn’t answer, and she dragged her eyes from the glyph that had plagued her nightmares for nearly thirteen years to find that his face was racked with sorrow. “Why do you have its mark carved into you, Alderic? Answer me!” She shouted the last, and he flinched violently, tears spilling down his cheeks.
“Once upon a time, a careless knight was cursed by a faerie, in payment for breaking her heart.” Every word trembled. “‘As the seasons turn, so, too, shall you.’”
“No,” she said, shaking her head hard enough to hurt. “No, you can’t be—”
“I am,” he said, his eyes haunted. “Every solstice and equinox, until I find either someone who can love me for the beast that I am, or someone who can kill the Beast that I become.”
“Fuck,” she spat, as the truth sank its claws into her—he is the Beast, HE is the Beast.Fury was building within her, but it wasn’t the good, clean, righteous rage she was used to. There was despair in it, too. Betrayal, and something dangerously close to heartbreak. She curled her hands into fists, clenching so hard that her nails pierced half-moons into her palms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I have tried the truth before,” Alderic said, so softly that she almost didn’t hear him over the frantic beat of her own heart in her ears. “I have turned myself in for murder dozens of times. I have endured the hangman’s noose and the firing squad, guillotines that never seemed to cut deep enough to separate my head from my shoulders, angry mobs with flaming torches. I have been released by baffled judges after my death sentences were served. I have been hunted by distraught families seeking justice they can never attain.” His cheeks were glistening with tears, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. “The truth stopped mattering, after a while. And by the time I realized that you, of all people, deserved to know it, I was afraid to tell you. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. Couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at me like I am a monster. Better for you to make the connection after I was already dead.”
“Youarea monster,” she said through gritted teeth, satisfaction blooming hot and sour in her gut at the wounded expression on his face.
“Lyssa.” He took another step toward her and she shoved him away, hard.
“What were you doing at a fuckingcircus?” she snarled. “Was it just something topass the time?Or did you and that asshole in the stripes laugh when you thought about all the people poking you with a spear, desperate for a payout they could never win?”
