Page 96 of Kill the Beast
Lyssa thought of all the people it had slaughtered, her brother amongst them. The death and destruction it had wreaked over the centuries, the families it had ruined. She thought of everyone she would be avenging, the moment she drove her sword through its glyph and ended its foul existence.
And she thought of Alderic, desperate to be held accountable for what he had done. A man who had been punished for his original transgressions a thousand times over, and still thought he deserved to die—even if he didn’t want to anymore.
“I can’t do this!” Lyssa screamed at the creature she had been dreaming of killing for the last thirteen years. At herfriend.“So, you’re just going to have to deal with it, Alderic. You’re just going to have to chain yourself up every few months for eternity, or go live with Honoria and Faunalyn, because Ican’t fucking do this.”
She threw down her sword.
“You said there was no way I could keep loving you, if I knew what you really were,” she said, her voice cracking, “but you werewrong.Because I see you now. All of you. And I still—”
The Beast burst from the thicket, its fur stained pink with blood from the thorns lodged deep in its hide. It tossed its head and crouched, getting ready to lunge again with a rumbling growl.
Lyssa was sluggish with pain and shock, and when the Beast sprang at her, she wasn’t fast enough to dodge it. It slammed into her, knocking her off her feet.
She landed on her back, the breath rushing out of her in a groan. She squeezed her eyes shut, her body tensing in anticipation. She didn’t want to see her own guts pulled out of her, didn’t want to watch herself die the way she had watched Eddie die.
“I love you, Alderic,” she managed to gasp as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Please don’t blame yourself for this.”
The Beast howled, and there was a crack of bones that made Lyssa flinch violently and cry out.
But it wasn’t her bones that had snapped.
The horrific scream that followed didn’t come from her, either.
Her eyes flew open, and she looked up at receding fur and shrinking fangs, the monster’s thick hide becoming tattered ruffles, a curtain of white-blond hair, a pale throat marred by a pink scar.
A pair of blue-gray eyes blinked down at her in disbelief. “W-what happened?” Alderic stammered.
“You’re… you’reyouagain,” Lyssa breathed. Her heart was pounding; adrenaline still pumped through her, urging her to fight or to run.
Alderic scrambled off her and sat back on his heels. Stared at his hands. Turned them over and stared at the backs of them, too. His shirt was torn open, and Lyssa could see the smooth expanse of his chest.
The glyph was gone.
He seemed to realize it at the same moment she did; he brushed trembling fingers over the place where it had been, a look of wonder on his face. A shaky laugh burst from his lips. “You broke it. How… how did you break it?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a laugh of her own, as disoriented as he was baffled.
She tried to sit up, grunting with pain. Alderic watched her struggle for just a moment before lending his aid, as if he knew she would be insulted if he jumped in too quickly. Once she was upright, she heaved in a breath and let it out slowly, trying to steady her still-racing heart. It all felt so surreal, and she was having trouble making sense of the fact that she wasn’t dead.
“You’re hurt,” Alderic murmured, brows furrowing. His gaze swept from her bloodied shirt back up to meet her eyes. “Did… did I…?”
Lyssa waved her good hand dismissively, trying to dispel the guilt gathering on his face like storm clouds. “I hesitated,” she said. “After you turned, I… I couldn’t…” She shook her head, still not sure how to put everything that had happened into words.
“Is that why…?” Alderic gestured to the place where the glyph had been, the hush of his voice still tinged with disbelief, and a good measure of awe.
“I think so,” she said. “All I could see when I looked at the Beast was… was my friend.” She wasn’t ready to tell him all of the things that had gone through her mind in those moments. The realizations about herself, about him. The darkness that lurked within them and maybe always would. “I couldn’t hurt you, Alderic. I… well, I…” Her cheeks went hot. Telling him now felt weirder than saying it to the Beast, somehow. “I love you.”
He looked aghast. “But I did something unforgivable. I—”
“Killing you wouldn’t have brought Eddie back,” she said. It would only have taken someone else she loved away from her. It would only have destroyed her further. Lyssa rubbed the scar of her oath, thinking about what Nadia had said—and how right she had been, even if Lyssa hadn’t wanted to see it at the time. “I don’t think I was doing it for him, anyway. Eddie was never one to hold a grudge. He still loved our father, even after everything that happened. I think maybe… I was doing it for me. Because living to avenge him was easier than letting him go.” She staggered to her feet, knuckling away her tears with her good hand. “The Beast was a part of you, and the Beast killed Eddie. Neither of us can change that. But destroying you just so that I could destroy the monster… it would have meant accepting that the Beast was the only part of you that mattered. It would have meant erasing all of thegoodnesswithin you. And there’s so much good in you it makes me want to throw up, sometimes.”
He laughed, sounding suspiciously close to tears.
“I know you would never have done any of those things, if you’d had a choice. Lady Bright, you apologized for hitting me, after Iaskedyou to. You…” The world tilted, the edges draining of color briefly, but she managed to keep her balance.
“Lyssa?” Alderic scrambled to his feet, too, his eyes widening with panic.
“I’m fine.”
