Page 130 of Liar
“No, which is another reason why I ...” He shakes his head and stops himself.
Why can’t he say it? Why won’t he tell me he loves me?
“Luciana.”
I wrap my arms around my legs and hug them into my body.
“You make me weak.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “And why is that?”
“You know why.”
“I do. But I still want you to say it.”
Silence. He gazes out at the water and I wonder what’s inside the picnic bag that could cause some damage.
“They made an example out of her.”
“Who?”
“Aurora.”
I’m jealous and frightened and worried by what he’ll say next. Because Aurora is the past. I’m his future.
“Our enemies butchered her. Used a knife on her then left her on the street to bleed out. When I found her, her tan skin was the color of her auburn hair.”
How horrible.“I’m so very sorry.” I don’t know what else to say. Words like sorry sound hollow after you’ve lost someone you love to violence. The pain lessens in time, but the hurt never goes away.
And he loved her.
“It’s the life I chose to lead.”
I know why he’s telling me this. Is he cautioning me? Giving me a warning? Don’t get too close. Don’t go there.
Don’t.Love.Me.
“You told me that night at the restaurant that you loved her. If this horrible thing hadn’t happened, would you have married her?” I’m a fool for asking, but there’s so very little I understand about my husband. His past. How he became the man he is today.
“Like I said that night, it was young love. I was seventeen.”
“Seventeen?” I gasp. “And how old was Aurora?”
“Twenty-nine.”
I’m speechless. I assumed by young love, he meant early twenties for both of them. Not seventeen, an age I can’t imagine him ever being. Not with him in love with a woman twelve years his senior.
“I was wild and out of control. She was ... there.”
“I bet she was.” The truth is, I don’t mind the age gap. What bothers me is all the times he brushed me off because I was too young. “That’s what you meant by young love.”
“Sex isn’t love, Luciana.” He runs his fingers through his hair.
“So, you like older women?”
“I like women, period.”
I push to my feet, but he launches at me and pins me down onto the blanket.
