ILoveYou.
Those words ring in my head on an endless loop. My fingers brush over my raw, kissed lips. Love! I’m in love! This crazy-out-of-this-world feeling is terrifying, insane, and exhilarating. All wrapped up into one soul-crushing experience.
I lean against the railing of the yacht, scanning the rough waves below. Music pounds from the party deck, but I hide deep in the shadows, concealing my existence. The sea water’s fresh scent invades my senses, and it’s the sweetest scent I’ve ever experienced. Love is in the air and seeping through my veins like a drug consuming me. My entire body relaxes with each soothing wave crashing on the rocks thirty feet away. Will I ever come off this insane life-high? No matter what I’ve been through at East Point Prep, it brought me here.
After so many months of secret meetings—secret kisses. Secret hand holdings in class. This is my—our—moment. We will finally show our love to the world. The love we’ve kindled in the palm of our hands for so many months. Keeping our love to ourselves. Keeping it special and cherishing every moment with one another.
Butterflies invade my stomach at the possibilities to come. Life will become so much easier after I set the truth free. Life will finally feel good and worth living again.
The sea breeze floats into my nose on an inhale, and a scream explodes from my throat on an exhale. A gloved hand muffles my cries, and tears cloud my vision. Twisting pain flares like burning flames licking at my skin, soaring through my body, and taking over. A warm, thick, and sticky wetness coats my back, as the mystery person plastered to my backside twists the sharpened knife in my flesh. The knife releases from my skin and re-enters, piercing through my chest, straight into my lung.
A giggle breathes in my ear—so light and so airy. It’s almost like they aren’t here, but they are. Whoever this is, is basking in the delight of my downfall. More giggles penetrate my ringing ears as the knife twists in my chest and blood rises like steaming white-hot lava up my esophagus.
I choke and sputter, willing my lungs to fill with air. But no matter how hard I try, breathing is impossible. My vision goes first. I blink and I blink, but nothing. Nothing.
Darkness.
Alone.
The knife tears through the flesh of each wrist, causing more blood to pour out into the wild sea below.
What have I done to deserve this?
I finally found love.
I finally found someone who accepts me as I am.
Blood seeps out of my parted lips and there’s nothing more that I can do. My voice has been silenced for the last time and the sharpened edge of a blade has cut my screams off. I’m done. Dying. Dead. Two hands guide my body over the railing and push me over with ease, like I weigh nothing.
The sea stings my wounds like another piercing knife. Mixing the deep blue with the blood-red above my submerged head. The waves continue to crash above me, while swallowing me whole, and pulling me down.
Red.
Red.
Red.
Dark.
Dark.
Emptiness.
From: [email protected]
August 10th, 2020
Omg…KACE!ICAN’Tbelieve it’s finally here girl. I can’t believe I’m going to a new school for my JUNIOR YEAR without you. WITHOUT YOU! How am I going to deal with this? We’ve been together since FOREVER! God, I’m going to miss our locker meetings and football games. I can’t believe Crowe convinced my mom to move here, let alone send me to a freaking prep school. A FREAKING PREP SCHOOL!
Anywayyyysssssss
Hope your first day back goes well… Wish me luck! I hear a lot of famous people send their kids here. Who knows maybe I’ll meet a rock star or a movie star’s kid, and we’ll have an instant love connection like those overly romantic books we love so much! I’ll write to you tomorrow! I can’t wait to tell you all about it!
Love you always!
Your Magnolia.