Page 19 of Four Simple Rules
Fingernails scrape against my scalp, lightly pulling at my hair. “Jesse,” she moans softly, forcing my lips around her nipples again. “I’m ready for you.”
That’s all I fucking need.
Our clothes come off in a frenzy, falling to the floor.
“You’re really ready?” I murmur, resting my body weight against hers.
Her breasts heave against my chest, as her eyes dilate almost to black. “Yes. Please, Jesse. I’m ready. But please, I’m still…” Her eyes dart away, redness creeping over her cheeks.
“A virgin, Tulip?” I ask softly when she nods. “That’s okay. I’ll guide you through this, okay?” Because it’s my first time, too. But I don’t utter a word. She trusts me to know what I’m doing, and I don’t want to hurt her. Ever.
“Yes,” she cries out when I slowly push inside her, taking my time.
Every moment I’m inside her, I memorize it, refusing to forget this beautiful moment. I thrust and thrust, finally cumming into the condom with a groan.
My sweaty forehead rests against hers, and my eyes squeeze shut as thoughts run through my mind. How can I face her tomorrow at school when I refuse to speak to her for her own safety? Fuck. I roll to my side, keeping my hands on her, rubbing tiny circles on her flesh.
“You, okay? I didn’t…”
“I’m in love with you, Jesse,” she murmurs as I kiss her cheek one last time, soaking up this moment.
Everything freezes inside me at her words.
“You don’t want to love me,” I whisper, kissing her cheek again and holding her close. Tonight, I crossed a line with my best friend. One, I won’t be able to draw again. I said damn the consequences earlier, but now, I regret what we’ve done. If I can’t control my friends, I can’t control my future. AKA, getting the fuck out of this town and away from my father. Baseball is my life. It’s what I need. And I can’t squander away my scholarship.
That next morning, I had to make the most difficult decision of my life. I had to walk out of that room and pretend that nothing we did mattered. That Blake didn’t matter.
After saying hello to my mom, I go down the hall to the room they’ve made for me when I come to town. My mother swears she’ll never let me stay at a hotel and insists on me staying in Gavin’s old room. The one across the hall from the girl who has owned my heart from the moment I saw her.
I swallow hard, standing silently near the closed door, listening for any sign that Blake’s resting behind it. But I hear nothing. It’s almost like the day I peeked in and realized she had left for good and that I had lost her forever. But never again. I’ll chase her to the ends of the earth before I let her go. I’ll prove myself repeatedly.
But first, I have to find out where she’s hiding, and I know just the place.
Running must be my mantra. Run from my past. Run from my breakup. Run from, well, everything in my life. I’ve never been the type of person to face my problems head-on. Instead, they get swept under the rug like unwanted dust bunnies so I can live in blissful ignorance.
After Jesse told me his new rules, I was crushed. I cried myself to sleep for the first week of school when I realized he meant it. Walking the halls with the same man who was my best friend in private but ignored me in public smashed my heart into pieces. I naively thought we could keep what we had if I followed through. He was the only one I had left, after all. So, I clung on, sinking my claws into any scraps I could get from him. Year after year, I stupidly followed the rules like an obedient little puppy.
Well, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I drew the line at sleeping with me and then acting like I was nothing to him.
I loved him hard. With my whole heart and got nothing in return. So, I ran as far away as I could. Halfway across the country, to be exact.
But that was in the past until now. Now, I’m staring my heartbreak in the face, coming so close I may get burned.
I swallow hard, standing before the tree of my childhood. The leaves swish in the warm wind, but no breeze filters through the thick foliage below.
My head falls back, staring straight toward the bright sun shining above, feeding the trees and plants surrounding me. Heat encases every inch of me as I try to breathe through my panic. One breath at a time.
Jesse is here. And he’s staying through the festivities. I’ll have to face him eventually, but the day I left plays repeatedly.
The look he gave me. The words he said.
For so long, they’ve tattooed themselves on my soul and kept me up night after night, haunting me into insomnia.
In private, Jesse was perfect. In public, he was a nightmare. How I harbored feelings for him for all those years is beyond me. Even now, there’s something there, hiding in the depths of my mind, ready to emerge and greet him. Through the hurt and betrayal, my heart pounds at the thought of seeing the sparkle in his hazel eyes, or the dopey smile he often sent in my direction, causing butterflies to burst in my stomach.
Yeah. I’m so damn conflicted.
After catching my breath and slowing my heart, I walk around the thick tree, marveling at how massive the trunk seems. To my twelve-year-old eyes, it was enormous, fitting all of us inside. And now, at twenty-eight, it still remains larger than life. Even after all these years, it’s withstood the storms withering its leaves. But it always seemed to be our reprieve from everything. Tears burn the back of my eyes when stark memories roll through my mind. I see my brother’s face so clearly like I didn’t lose him over ten years ago.
