Page 3 of Four Simple Rules
Jesse Rutherford is the love of my life. Only he doesn't know it.
“Okay,” I agree again. “I’ll always keep my window unlocked for you. This is your safe space.”
Jesse sucks in a breath, quickly leaning over to brush his lips against my cheek. The warmth of his lips awakens the butterflies deep in my stomach as they flap to life. My heart thumps double time in my chest, confirming that this was the right choice for us. Even if I have to be a secret, keeping my best friend is worth it.
“You’re my safe space. I don’t want to taint you with evil,” he murmurs against my flesh so faintly I barely hear it.
* * *
Shaking myself out of the terrible thoughts imprinted on my memories from four years ago, I heave a breath and begin to dress for another day of school. Carefully pulling on my shorts, I wince from the deep pain developing between my legs, reminding me of him. More rampant thoughts about the night before, when everything changed between us, consume my mind.
Jesse stumbled in through my window like he always did. Blood seeped from his nose, and scratches lined his face. “Please don’t ask,” is all he said before he nestled behind me in bed, wrapping his arms securely around me. The faint hint of his cologne, mixed with alcohol, lined his clothes.
“Party?” I murmur, and he nods with confirmation.
The familiar heat of his body soothes my soul. My home. My safe space. I sink into him, letting my back rest against his front.
“Got in a fight. Which was a mistake,” Jesse whispers, his voice tinged with sadness and hurt. “I should have come straight here, but I was drunk and… I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
Butterflies flutter in my chest when his fingers work their way under my shirt, brushing against the flesh of my abdomen. I sigh, shivering against him. My body opens for him, ready for the touches and small kisses he peppers along my throat.
Within the confines of my room, I'm the queen he worships—no one else.
“I’ve seen you drunk before,” I murmur, closing my eyes as his fingers drift higher and higher.
Beating like a drum in my chest, my heart soars when his fingers brush the underside of my breast. My nipple hardens immediately, begging him to pinch and tweak it. Wetness forms in my pussy, aching to be filled.
And I'm not the only one. I swallow hard when he swivels his hips, groaning against my neck.
Last night led to a lot of things. He whispered devotions as he worshiped every inch of me with slow, measured thrusts, ensuring he’d never hurt me. Me on my back as he took what was always meant for him: my innocence. Me whispering words I should never have said.
Judging by how his body stiffened after he came into the condom and his hazel eyes shut down, hiding all his emotions, I knew he regretted his actions. But mostly, he didn't believe my words.
“You don’t want to love me,” he whispers in a choked voice, kissing my cheek. His warmth stays close as he wraps his arms around me again, pulling my back into his front. "Go to sleep, Tulip."
But I do love him.
For years I've harbored this feeling festering inside me. Something deep and chaotic driving me to seek him out. Needing him. Wanting him desperately.
Everywhere I go, I wish he was there. Every turn I take, my eyes find him. And when he is here? Life fills my entire being, and I'm walking on air.
There's no stopping this love inside me from spilling out. It's him. He's my one, even if it hurts and tortures me, because he doesn't see it. Jesse Rutherford has always been stamped on my soul since I was born and made for me—my perfect match.
When I realized Jesse had snuck out my window, my soul fractured. A distinct line in our friendship has always held us back, preventing us from tainting what we have. We’ve blurred the line a few times in the middle of the night when his hands wandered, his lips frantically find mine until they don’t, and he settles behind me again, retracting his touch.
But this?
This moment together was something that would either make us or break us. Judging by his absence, there's something irreparable between us now.
I’m starting to think, maybe I don’t want to try and fix it.
After dressing, brushing my hair, and texting Olivia good morning, I reach the front door with my head held high.
Jesse's rules whisper through my mind as I enter my car and start the engine. Today is the day I break all the rules he put in place our freshman year.
* * *
I heave a breath as I pull into the school’s packed parking lot. The other kids bustle around, chatting with their friends, laughing, and enjoying each other's presence.
