Page 77 of The Deceptions
"Whatever it is, I'll be here, okay?" She smiles at that, tugging at the edges of her lips.
"Always and forever, Spitfire."
But it wasn't always and forever. The feeling I had came true. In the form of taking her away from me. One second she was there, grinning at me. And the next? I was standing above her casket, attempting to be strong for everyone else around me, when I was anything but.
When Olivia died, she took pieces of me that I could never get back. She took the only noise I could stand to listen to. With her at my side, the world wasn't as fucking dismal as it is now.
Without Olivia, the world is too noisy. Too dull. Too fucking grey to ever exist in. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here, and the love of my life is buried in the graveyard I'm forced to walk by. Why I still have oxygen to breathe, and she only has dirt, darkness, and a pit of nothingness.
Much like my soul.
The world used to shine with her by my side. She quieted the demons and terrors that kept me up at night.
And now...
I shake my head, following behind Hux up the steep hill. The warm breeze blows the slight sweet smells of the white English Daisies planted outside our home. As the heat barrels down, the flowers slowly wilt, curling their petals for relief, and soon, they’ll close up completely like they had never even bloomed.
Sometimes, I wonder if Hux thinks of her, too, when we stroll by the graveyard or walk by the flowers he planted in her honor. Does her smile warm his frosted heart? Does the memory of our time together bring out the softer side of him that once existed?I know Mack does. He can't help himself, even though he would never tell us.
Olivia wasn't only my safe space. She was all of ours.
Ours. Together. Forever and always.
224.
Hux's shouldersbunch with every step he takes toward the mansion. The level of rage coursing through him hasn't cooled off since we left the administrative building, and he hasn't uttered a word since we started our trek through campus. I know once we’re in the safety of our home, he’ll explode and open up. But for now, I eat up the silence between us until we're striding up the walkway toward our home. It towers above us. The gargoyles perched along the roofline of our gothic-style home look down on us with varying degrees of facial expressions. Some snarl, showing their sharp teeth, and some leer with hollow eyes, sending shivers down my spine.
They’re a fascinating creation meant to ward off the evils of the world. Only here, they add to the unease I feel every time I’m in their presence. Like they’re watching me. Spies from another dimension.
“So,” I hold out the word as he slams through the double doors of our home, marching through the foyer, and straightinto the open-concept kitchen. The refrigerator door slams open, clinking the condiments around, as he searches for a frosty beer hidden on the second shelf. He slams it shut, cracks the top of the beer, gulping down several mouthfuls of the liquid until it's gone, and throws it into the recycling without saying a word. His dark gaze doesn’t stray to me as I stand there, waiting for him to answer. "Hux?" I question again slowly, like I’m speaking to a wounded animal backed into a corner.
Hux leans his hands on the granite-countertop island, spreading his fingers out and heaving in breaths. It’s been many years since I’ve seen this type of reaction from Hux.
“I need out of that,” he grunts, finally lifting his head. His red-rimmed gaze meets mine, and I nearly stumble back at the emotions screaming at me through his eyes. Something I haven't seen in a very long time. But I hold my ground. For Hux. “I can’t do that with her.” He shakes his head, groaning with frustration.
Frustration, I completely understand. Before I can open my mouth to ask more questions, the front door slams open, revealing Mack’s sweat-soaked bare chest, damp blond hair, and tiny running shorts, followed by a panting Waffles trailing after him in search of his water bowl.
Poor old dog. I’m surprised he’s able to keep up with Mack’s intense pace every day.
“You really don’t leave anything to the imagination, do you?” I quip about his outfit, earning a snarl and a middle finger.
I wasn’t the only one who wilted away the moment we learned about Olivia’s death. We all did. Hux uses violence to sate his pain. Mack runs himself to death and makes reckless decisions. He also uses violence to sate whatever demon lives in him. And me? Well, I hide myself from the world. What’s the point of existing in a world where the sun doesn’t shine anymore?
We’re a miserable mess.
“Fuck off,” Mack grunts, bursting into the kitchen and pulling out a water bottle from the fridge and a container of grapes. He sets them on the counter and stares down at Waffles melting into the floor. “Need some water, Old Man?” he questions playfully, picking up his water bowl and filling it. But not before adding a few ice cubes–Waffles' favorite.
Waffles groans when he picks himself off the floor and lopes to his fresh water, taking several long licks.
“You good?” I ask, looking Mack up and down until he levels me with a glare that could puncture through my skull. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“It’s always a fucking no,” Mack grits out, shoving the stool back and plopping down with a huff.
“Welcome to the fucking club.” Hux shakes his head, looking slightly lighter. He blows out a breath when Waffles trots up to him with renewed energy, spilling water from the end of his tongue. Hux doesn’t hesitate to reach down and rub his head a few times. No doubt calming the raging storm inside him. Waffles is the only living thing that could approach Hux when he’s too angry to form words and live to tell about it.
Waffles takes his pets and slowly looks around the room. I swear, some days he’s looking for Liv, despite her passing away five years ago. It’s like he expects her to walk through the door and hug him like she used to.
“Waffles!” she squeals, marching through the front door and grinning when he comes running with a woof. “Good to see you, boy,” she murmurs, dropping to her knees and wrapping her arms around his body.
