Page 68 of Spiralling Skywards: Fading
“We need to talk.”
“About what?” I tore my eyes away from the scene outside and looked at him.
“You’re angry with me.”
I honestly didn’t know what I was, but I knew if I attempted to talk about it, I would probably cry. I didn’t want to cry. I was sick of crying—it got me nowhere.
“I understand why. I’m angry with myself. I just want you to know that it won’t happen again.”
“Don’t promise me that. I don’t want your promises, Liam. They mean nothing to me. They’re empty words just like you’re apologies.”
He stared at me with tears in his eyes while I stared back and sipped my tea. I should have felt bad for what I had just said, but I didn’t. After what happened while he was gone, something shifted in me. The old me never would have lashed out, but it was all I’d wanted to do the last few days. It wasn’t solely directed at Liam, either. I wanted to lash out at just about everyone who spoke to me.
“I’ve taken extended leave from work. I’m not going back until February, and how many hours I work then, will depend on how things are with the twina and between us.”
I shivered and Liam moved behind me, pulling my back into his chest and wrapping his arms around me.
“I fucked up, but I won’t lose you over this. I can’t.” I wondered then if he’d known that it had crossed my mind. If he had finally realised just how badly he’d hurt me. I didn’t say anything and let him go on. “I’ll fight, I’ll beg, and I’ll plead. I’ll do whatever it takes to regain your trust.”
I leant back into my husband’s chest and watched our son play in the snow. I breathed in deep, letting the cold icy December air settle inside me. As I drew that breath, I hoped that it would clear some of the fog that was filling my head and sitting heavy on my chest.
