Page 101 of Spiralling Skywards: Fading
“How old are the children.”
“Eight in May, the twins are four and the baby two.”
She nodded her head. “A lot of hard work then.”
“Yeah, but she copes. Sarah’s a great mum.”
“Any history of depression in the family?”
“Yeah.” Luke jumped straight in. “Our mum, I don’t know if she was ever officially diagnosed, but I’m sure she was a manic depressive.”
“Was?”
“She died when Sarah was three. Car accident. We were raised by our grandparents.”
“Okay. I’m thinking there may have been some depression going on for a while, but I’ll let our team talk to her tomorrow, and we’ll work out a plan of action going forward based on what they say.”
“When will she be allowed home?”
“I think we’ll keep her for a day or so and then as long as we’re sure she’s not a danger to herself or anyone else, she can go home.” The doctor stood to leave. “I’ll send a nurse in to take you to see her once you’re ready.”
“Thanks, doc.”
“Yeah cheers,” Luke called after her.
We sat in silence for a long while, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I recalled conversations, comments, and interactions. There was nothing. Not a single clue that she was even considering something like this.
“I don’t know what to say, Del. I’m at a loss.”
“You and me both, mate.”
“I mean, she loves those boys so fucking much. You and them, you’re her life.”
“Perhaps we’re not enough.”
“Nah, there’s something else. Something else has happened. Something’s triggered this.”
The door opened and a nurse stepped just inside.
“Liam?” I stood and nodded. “I’ll take you in to see Sarah now.”
“This is Luke, Sarah’s brother. Can he come in with me?”
I didn’t want to face her on my own. I was scared. Scared of what I would see, scared of what I would say. What should I say?
“I’m sure that’ll be fine.”
She was in a room right opposite the nurse’s station. The bed looked huge. She looked tiny. There were machines bleeping all around her and a drip set up with saline hanging from it.
I pulled a chair up to her bed and took her hand. It was warmer than I expected, much warmer than it had felt in the ambulance and this settled me a little bit.
Luke leant across from the other side of the bed and kissed her forehead.
“Fuck, Sunshine, what did you do? Why didn’t you ask someone for help?”
The guilt that was gnawing at me since I found her took a large bite, and I allowed it to sink its teeth in deep, right down to the marrow of my bones.
I should have seen this coming. If not this, then something, I should’ve realised that something wasn’t right.
