Page 25 of Marley
“You wouldn’t do anything stupid though, would ya, mate?” Despite feeling boneless and light, my heart was racing as I asked.
“You mean top myself?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean, Mac. Please tell me that’s not something you’d do.” I smoked the joint down to the roach and put it out before turning to look at him.
“Do you never think about dying Marls?” The gold and amber in his brown eyes showed through in the lamp light and I laughed, rather than answer his question.
“What are you laughing at?” he asked. “That was a serious question, ya dick.”
I laughed again. “Sorry, sorry. I was just thinking that your eyes look pretty in the lamp light.”
“My eyes look pretty?” he asked.
“Yeah, sorry.”
“You’re fucking mad. You’re not gonna make a pass at me or anything, are you Marls? Coz no offence, mate, but you’re just not my type.”
“No, Mac, I’m not gonna make a pass at you. Sorry, I’ll just shut up.”
“Yeah, I think that’d be for the best.”
“Although, we’ve never spoken about what happened with Siobhan that time.”
He let out a long sigh and turned his head to look at me, raising first his eyebrows, and then his shoulders in a shrug. “What’s there to talk about? Like you said, at the time, it was just sex. We were both fucking the same person at the same time. It’s happened since then, and I’m sure that it’ll happen again, but it’s not like we fucked each other. I love ya, Marls, but I have absolutely no desire to fuck you. No offence, mate”
I smiled at him. “None taken. Your eyes still look pretty in the lamplight though.”
“Fuck off being a dick,” he said with a grin. I couldn’t help but feel pleased that I’d made him smile.
“And stop avoiding the question that I just asked.”
“What was the question?” I asked.
“Do you ever think about dying?” I decided to go with honesty.
“Not often, no. It’s crossed my mind occasionally, especially when we were on tour and I was using a lot, but now that I’ve stopped all that ol’ bollocks, no, not often.” I paused for a few seconds, actually thinking about my own death.
“I could never put my family through the consequences of me doing something deliberate. I hate to think what that might do to them,” I said.
“Yeah, well, that’s probably the difference between me and you.”
“What is?”
“You’ve got people that give a fuck. Who gives a shit about me?”
“Oh, charming. So what about me and my family? What about Tom, Bill, all of our fans? Dude, how can you lay there and even say that?” Anger started to boil away at his crass comment and I actually wanted to punch him. “I know things have been shit between you and my family lately, but they still love you the same. Even George, despite everything, still loves you.”
“Yeah, perhaps they do, perhaps she does, but not enough to get me an invite to Christmas dinner and not enough to reply to one of my letters, or to pick up the phone and say ‘let’s talk.’ Not enough for much, really.”
“I’m not defending her, but she’s hurt and angry, and perhaps we all have to accept the fact that she’s never gonna forgive us. I hope that’s not the case, but I don’t think George is gonna be getting in touch anytime soon, but that’s not to say she wouldn’t care if anything happened to you.”
I didn’t want to tell him that she gave me a Christmas present, as I thought he’d take it one of two ways. He’d either be really hurt that she didn’t get him anything, or he’d see it as G’s walls coming down. And as much as I would’ve hoped that’d be the case, I didn’t know if she’d ever be ready to give Maca another chance.
“Think about it. If she’s this devastated at the thought of you with another bird, can you imagine what state she’d be in if anything ever happened to you?”
He shook his head. “Probably the same way I’d feel if anything ever happened to her.”
“Well, there ya go then. Now, stop talking shit and let’s get a tune going for this lyrical masterpiece you’ve spent the day writing.”
