Page 103 of Marley
“S’not me. Him, s’not him, I mean. Open the door, Ash. I need to sing to you.”
“Go home, it’s late.”
“No, I can’t. I’ve bed no—I’ve got no bed. It green grew mouldy you memberer?” In my head, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but my mouth had other ideas.
“Ash?”
“Rock Star?”
“Fuck, Ash, tha-that makes my balls tingle when you call me that. Say it again, baby, please, please, please.”
“Shall I tell you a secret, Rock Star?”
“Yeshssss. Yessss. Yes baby, tell me. Tell. Me.” I was seriously thinking about having a wank right there on her doorstep while I listened to her voice because for some reason, right at that moment, it seemed like a good idea.
“When you call me baby, it makes my fanny flutter.”
“Oh fuck. OhAsh. Fuck me, baby.” I tried sliding my hand down the front of my trousers, but they were too tight. I’m up a flight of stairs, in a back alley. Surely no one would see if I just flopped my todger out and gave it a lil’ tug? No one would see.
“I like that, baby. I like that a lot, that I make your fanny flutter makes me happy. Hard and happy. You gonna let me in?”
“I might.”
“G’orn. You know you wanna.”
“It’s nothing to do with whether I wanna, it’s whether I should.”
Ha, todger. That was a funny word. I wondered how someone came up with that one.
“If I let you in, are you gonna behave?”
I nod my head yes. “Absolutely not.”
“I shouldn’t even be considering this. I’ve had too much wine.”
“You should. You so should, Ash, and shall I tell you why, shall I baby? My baby, baby, baby love?”
I heard her laugh, but I couldn’t see down the intercom, so I didn’t know what was funny.
“Tell me, Rock Star ...why?”
“Coz, baby. Coz if you met le... met, fuck’s sake. If you let me in, not only will I make your fanny flutter, but I’ll make—” I suddenly get the giggles and can’t get my words out.
“What, Rock Star? You’ll make what?”
“Ahhh. Oh dear. Yeah, sorry.” I clear my throat. “I’ll not only make your fanny flutter, but I’ll make your minge twinge.”
Funniest. Joke. Ever.
I laugh so much I throw up.
“Marls?”
I stand from my bent double position and Ash was standing in the open doorway of her flat.
“Ash, I’m sry. I’m so, so sry. I’m am sorory I ran. I’m think... I think love you an... and I think I just crapped myself...”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Back up, Rock Star. You think you love me? You mean you don’t know yet?”
