Page 119 of Marley
Georgia had to be sedated before the nurses could take Beau from her arms or remove her from Maca’s bed.
Georgia was kept sedated for a further forty-eight hours and was evaluated by a psych team before she was allowed home to my parents’ place five days after her surgery.
Life for the rest of us was hard. We were all in shock, all grieving for Maca, for Beau, and for what Georgia had lost.
Ash and I made love constantly in those first few days. We’d cling to each other and cry, during and after. We just needed that connection.
We tried our best to explain to the kids in an age appropriate way what had happened, but Annie had nightmares for weeks afterwards. And for the whole of December and part of January, we slept with all three of our kids in bed with us.
On the afternoon before the funeral, the bodies of Maca and Beau were brought to my parents’ house. Georgia insisted that the coffin go out in the soundproofed room that we’d all hung out in so much.
Now that she was up and about, she’d been sleeping in there. She was taking tablets to help her do it, and she was on a low dose of valium and antianxiety medication. My parents seemed to think that she was over the worst, but I knew my sister better than most, and insisted that someone was with her at all times, so we all took it in turns. She wasn’t there mentally during that time, her mind gone, or just shut down till she could cope again.
We were each given time to spend alone with Maca and Beau. I asked Ash if she wanted to go together but she said no, that she felt I needed to say goodbye alone.
Beau was lying face down on his daddy’s chest, Maca’s hands placed protectively over his sons back. I kissed the top of my nephew’s head and I kissed my best mates forehead before sitting in the chair next to the coffin.
“I don’t know how to do this.” I told him honestly. “I always thought it’d be me. I thought I’d fuck up, crash my bike, or my car. Go on a bender and have a heart attack ... I dunno, summit. I just always thought I’d be the one to die young, not you, Mac, never you.”
I pulled one of the man-sized tissues from the box that someone had thoughtfully left on the coffee table, probably my mum, and blew my nose. Then I started to laugh.
“Remember when we were on the bus going to Detroit and I had a cold and asked if anyone had a tissue?” I smiled and shook my head thinking about it.
“And you, you dirty fucker, passed the one you’d wiped your cum stains up with when you’d had a wank earlier. I had your fucking Jizz all over my nose, you fucker. Billy was really hungover and threw up after gagging a few times ... Ah, funny times, Mac, funny fucking times.”
I sat and spent the next hour reminiscing and promising my mate that we’d all look after George, and we’d always keep him and Beau in our thoughts when Georgia walked in. I stood and wrapped her in my arms and just held her.
“I brought this for Beau to wear. I wanted a piece of me to be with him. Sean has my name tattooed on his heart, so I want Beau to have this.”
She held up the necklace with the ‘G,’ held in the angel wings that Maca had bought her one Christmas many, many years before.
“It’s perfect.” I told her.
She didn’t have to undo the clasp, she was able to just slip it over Beau’s dark little head.
We all gathered together in that room later. My parents eventually went to bed, but myself, my brothers, our wives and Georgia, we drank. We raised our glasses and told stories of our memories of Maca.
I caught George smiling on the odd occasion, but I knew it was just a mask. I knew the whole scene was a farce. Each and every one of us were terrified about what tomorrow would bring.
The outpouring of grief from around the world was mind-blowing. I had visited the scene of the accident with Ash and laid flowers amongst the hundreds and hundreds of others that had been placed there. The place was a shrine.
Despite the funeral taking place at midday, the cars started arriving at my parents’ at around ten thirty. The funeral directors had already informed us that the roads leading from just beyond the gates at the end of the drive, all the way through town to the church, were packed.
My sister’s body was the only part of her in attendance that day. Her mind had gone, totally checked out. She stood alone in my mum’s kitchen, staring out the back patio doors at the cold December morning. Her arms were wrapped around herself, the way they often were since she’d left the hospital. Even from the back, I could see how thin she was looking.
I moved to stand beside her but didn’t speak for a while.
“I know what you’re planning and I totally understand, Porge, but I just need you to know that despite what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling now, we all want you with us. We all want to help you come to terms with this and move forward.” I dug my hands deeper into my suit pockets and tried to compose myself. I didn’t want to cry while I was talking to her; there’d be enough tears later, so for now, at least, I wanted to remain composed.
“I know that this is ... this loss is something that none of us will ever get over, least of all you, but we all need to help each other find a way to live again. I’ve lost my nephew, my best mate, my bandmate, and my brother in law. I can’t lose you too. I need ya, George, I need ya so much right now. So, I’m begging ya, for me, please don’t do anything stupid.”
Georgia overdosed the first time, just nine hours later.
She’d told my mum she was taking a bath. It was an hour later that I noticed her missing. Everyone had had a lot to drink after one of the worst days of our lives.
I won’t go into the details of Maca’s funeral here. If George ever decides to write a book, then I’ll leave that as her story to tell, so for now, that day will remain private.
I walked along the galleried landing of my parents’ house and the first thing I heard was the song,‘Fade to Black’by Metallica, and I knew in an instant what she’d done.
