Page 91 of Marley
“When the fuck have I ever made you feel like a charity case?” I asked, astounded.
“Oh, I dunno.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Only ever since I met you, and especially since you turned up to my flat uninvited.”
She tilted her chin in that way that she did, and my heart rate increased. Why? I don’t have an answer to that.
She moved to try and put her hands on her hips, but they were still filled with her clothes. She didn’t even have a suitcase to put them in. Pretty much everything she owned was is what she held in her arms. I couldn’t imagine how that must’ve made her feel, but I don’t want it to be inadequate, unworthy, or beneath me, or anyone else. She was a better person than I could ever hope to be. I just needed her to understand that.
“I came to your flat because I was worried about you. I had no fucking clue you were living in those conditions. Does my sister know? My mum?” That’s probably wasn’t the best way to go about making her feel better about herself.
Go me.
Her nostrils flared, just before she threw her clothes at me. “Where I live has fuck all to do with your family. Fuck all to do with you or anyone else.”
Okay, perhaps I didn’t care how she felt. As she screamed at me, she picked up the pile of clothes a few more times and repeatedly threw them at me before collapsing on top of them in a coughing fit.
I watched her for a few seconds, trying to decide whether I wanted to get her some water, or smack her arse for behaving like such a bitch. This type of behaviour was what I’d expect from George, but I’d never had thought Ash capable of it.
I turned and got a bottle of water off the night stand and threw it so it landed in her lap.
“Thank you.” She said through her sniffs and her tears.
“You’re welcome.” I told her.
I stood and watched her as she sat on her pile of clothes, crying quietly. My fists clenched and unclenched. I wanted to sit on the floor with her and pull her into my lap. I wanted to kiss her fucking senseless and make everything right in her world, but I shouldn’t want to feel any of those things. What she said about my family was nasty and spiteful, and I shouldn’t want anything to do with her.
She finally looked up at me. “I’m sorry.” She got out before her face crumbled and she pulled that full on ugly face you do when you cry hard.
I was done.
Within a split second, I was on the floor with her, holding her in my lap and stroking her back, kissing the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry, Marley. I really don’t think that. I don’t think any of those things. I love your sister and your mum ...sh-she ...” She let out a few sobs before continuing. “She’s the only one I’ve got.”
I pulled her into me and hold her tight.
“I ain’t got no one, Marley. No people that care, and I’ve got nowhere to go. My life’s a fucking mess.” She started to cough. I lifted her up and carried her back to bed. I sat with my back to the headboard and kept a hold of her in my lap.
“Ash, just so you know, whatever happens between us, you’ll always have me. And don’t say that you’ve got no one coz you have my mum, George, and Jimmie. Theyallcare.”
She looked up at me through teary eyes, blinked a couple of times and opened her mouth to speak.
“If you ask me again why I’m doing this, I’ll fucking strangle you,” I told her.
She smiled, despite the tears clinging to her lashes, then started to cry again.
I held on to her until eventually, we both fell asleep.
We ate reheated Shepherd’s pie later that evening, and on Sunday, we cooked a roast dinner together.
She fell asleep later on the sofa, with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair as I stared down at her.
Ever since we met, I’ve felt like my heart had beat too fast, too hard, and too erratic. My stomach felt like it had been tied in knots and my head—my head was all over the show. I thought one thing, then did or said another.
I’m not entirely sure how I felt about any of it. Terrified, mostly. The fact that I had no control over what I was feeling scared the crap outta me, and it was that fear that ultimately lead me to fuck everything up and make yet another one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I turned the telly off by the remote control and carried Ashley to bed. As I laid her down, she pulled me towards her.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
