Page 58 of The Story of Us
“Bails, I just said I didn’t wanna talk about it.”
“I can find her if you want George, let me have her name and I can get a trace on her.”
“Bailey, will you leave it,” Lennon snaps. “Just leave it, like George said, we all need to move on.”
Bailey huffs and folds his arms across his chest. “Well if you don’t want me to do it, ask your new boyfriend, he’s pretty good at tracking people down.”
Cam, fuck! He hadn’t entered my head once since I fell through the front door; I realise the whole room has gone silent, Sean is completely still next to me, I’m too scared to turn and look at him.
“Bails, you really do need to rein in that big gob of yours tonight, these two have got enough shit to sort through, without you stirring the pot!” Lennon says to him.
My skin prickles and the hairs on the back of my head and neck stand on end, I just know that he’s looking at me but I don’t look round. “For fuck’s sake, is anyone gonna skin up tonight or what?” Marley jumps off the sofa and heads out to the kitchen, returning with Lennon’s stash box.
“Help yourself Marls why don’t ya.”
“Cheers Len, I will.” He winks at Len as he proceeds to roll a joint on the coffee table in the middle of the room, he lights it up, takes a huge draw, then passes it to Bailey and continues to roll another.
I manage three hits before I feel the effects, then it hits me like a ton of bricks and all I want to do is sleep. “Can I stay here tonight Jim?” I ask.
“Of course babe, your usual rooms all made up.”
I don’t dare go home; Cam will be going absolutely mad and is probably waiting at my place for me right now. Cam, what am I going to tell him, things had been going perfectly until these past couple of weeks but now there was Sean? Sean who I love with all my heart. I feel whole, complete, fixed, just by being in the same room as him but we have a whole shed load of shit to sort through and if we have the slightest chance of ever getting back to together, then it’s only fair that I end things with Cam, while I try and fix things with Sean.
At some stage, I must have fallen asleep as I feel myself being carried up the stairs, I open my eyes slightly and see that I’m being taken to the spare room, I know that it’s Sean that’s carrying me, I can smell him. He lays me down and kisses my forehead and then sits down on the edge of the bed and strokes my hair off my face, I open my eyes and look into the eyes that I have missed so much. “Don’t leave; I don’t want to be on my own.”
I barely finish speaking, when he stands up and starts taking off his jeans, whilst toeing off his shoes. “Thank fuck, because I don’t want to leave ya G.”
“No sex though Sean, I just want to cuddle.”
He stops and looks at me. “Gia, I wasn’t, I didn’t think, that’s not what I wanted to stay for.” His eyes look all over my body, the dress I’m wearing has ridden up my legs but they are covered by the thick black tights I have on, I watch as he adjusts himself through his boxers. “Okay, what I mean is, you’re as horny as fuck and of course I’ve got a fucking hard on.”
He shrugs and smiles at me. “You know me and what I’m like around you G, I just can’t help it, and nothing’s changed there.” I can’t help but smile at his honesty. “But that’s not what this is all about, I just want to be with you, I won’t even touch if you don’t want me to but I hope you do, coz I do, really wanna, really, really wanna touch ya, but I get it, you’ve got a boyfriend now, I just…”
He looks around the room, struggling to get out whatever it is he wants to say. “Fuck G, please don’t tell me I’m this close but I’m gonna lose you again.” He sits back down on the bed next to me, the only light is what’s coming from the old fashioned street lamp Jimmie and Len have on their drive, it bathes him in a soft golden glow and I unconsciously reach out and touch his hand, just to make sure he’s real.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” my voice is barely a whisper as I speak. He laces his fingers with mine. “I can’t believe we’re together, in the same room, touching.”
My belly feels like it has batwings flapping about in it, I’ve had a few wines and I’m slightly stoned and all I really want is to curl up and go to sleep with him and think about the reality of it all in the morning, when I have a clearer head. “Draw the curtains and get into bed, I’m taking my dress off and putting your t-shirt on, so don’t look.”
He tilts his head to one side. “I’m the one that’s taking their top off G, so don’t you be looking, I saw how your tongue was hanging out of your head in the kitchen when I showed ya me tats.”
“Don’t flatter yourself rock star, I was admiring your ink, that’s all… besides, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He smiles at me as he stands up and pulls his t-shirt off and yes I do stare, because he’s fit and toned and standing right in front of me in just a pair of boxers. He hands me his top and I stand and take off my dress and pull off my tights. I never wear tights, I only ever wear stockings, especially for Cam, he loves them, I actually think they drive him a little bit insane when we go out and he knows I’m wearing stockings and suspenders underneath my outfit, he actually growls ever so slightly every time he brushes against me, just like a real tiger. Unthinkingly I take off my bra, then realise what I’ve done and quickly pull Sean’s T over my head. God it smells divine, this is the smell that I’ve been dreaming of for so very long; I pull the quilt back and climb into bed, Sean climbs in beside me, the room is now in complete darkness, but my eyes do gradually adjust.
“Come here,” he whispers, I curl into him, my head on his shoulder, his arm around me, our bare legs tangled together, in an instant, it feels so right, so perfect, like we’d never been apart. It would be so easy to just go with it, so, so easy but I’m not a naïve little sixteen year old, I’m almost twenty-one and I know that’s not old by many people’s reckoning, but I bet there are forty-year olds out there that haven’t been through what I have in my short young life and the one thing I’ve learnt from all the drama of the past few years, is that the only person you canever really rely on in this life, is yourself, and I’m not about to let me down, I have to protect myself from whatever tomorrow may bring.
Sean pulls me in tight to him and whispers in to my hair, “I love you Georgia Rae, good night, sleep tight.” I close my eyes and drift into a deep, contented, dreamless sleep.
When I wake up, it’s still dark, there’s no clock beside me so I know I’m not in my own room, my belly does a few flips as I remember where I am and who I’m with. Sean, I’m in bed with Sean, my boy, my beautiful boy, who I’ve loved, missed and longed for these past four years. I turn and face him. I can just make him out in the dark and I first study his face, he’s more handsome than beautiful now, his features much stronger than I remember, his boyish good looks are still there but his jaw is stronger and he has more stubble. I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to touch; he’s lying on his side facing me, one arm folded under his head, one around me. I reach out and using just my fingertips, I trace across his brow, over his cheek and outline his lips, he sighs softly and grinds his hips into me, then I’m totally amazed as he whispers, very, very gently, “Gia.”
I think for a moment that he has woken up but I lay still and stop touching. I realise that he’s still sleeping; he’s sleeping and dreaming of me. My heart suddenly aches as I think of the time that we’ve wasted, nights I’ve laid in bed and dreamt of him, even nights I’ve been with other men, it’s still Sean that I’ve dreamt of. I wonder if it’s been the same for him, despite all the beautiful women he has no doubt spent the last four years shagging. I wonder if all the while, he was dreaming of me. I wonder if they heard him whisper my name. I wonder if they wondered who Gia was. I don’t want to obsess too much about the other women but I know I will ask. I don’t want to know but I need to know. I don’t know if that’s a woman thing or if it’s just my nature.
“Tell me about your boyfriend.” Shit, I didn’t even notice he had opened his eyes and was watching me. It’s creepy that what was going through my mind was pretty much what was going through his.
“Is it serious?” What do I say, is it serious, was it serious? I think it was important more than serious. Cam was important to me because he had helped me move on.
Sean rolls away from me and puts on the bedside lamp, then rolls back to where he was, we mirror each other, side by side, one arm folded under our head, the other draped across each other’s hips.
