Page 66 of Conviction
A little wave of panic ripples through me. “Why not, babe? Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m scared, Con.”
“Of what, Meebs?”
“That none of this is real. That you’re not really here. That we’re not really doing this.”
My heart bangs so hard in my chest, I’m sure she must be able to feel it in hers.
“This is real baby, don’t you worry about that. This is you and me, and it’s definitely real. Now open your eyes and look at me.”
I kiss each of her eyelids before she looks up at me.
“I love you,” I tell her, before again rocking my hips into hers. “You feel so fucking good. I thought about this so many times, but this is better. You feel, taste and smell so much better than you ever did in my head.”
“Con?”
“Meebs?”
“Stop talking and fuck me.”
So I do. I aim for long, slow and sensual, but when she crosses her ankles around my back and squeezes my arse cheeks in an attempt to pull me deeper inside her, I lose all control and fuck her like I’ve never fucked before. The second she calls out my name and I feel her tight little pussy pulse and clench around my cock, I shoot off like a rocket. I seriously hope these condoms are reinforced. Otherwise, she’ll be feeling my load hit her tonsils.
When I look down at her face, her head’s thrown back, and she has tears running from the corners of each eye. I feel myself start to shake. I know that I’m losing it. For a few seconds, I try to regain control, but looking down at her gorgeous face makes me want to just let go. I want her to seeme. Therealme. The Conner Reed that only my dad, my brothers and my bandmates know. The pure emotion of not just this moment, but a lifetime of hurt, pain, loss and loneliness, overcome me. I let out a sob it feels I’ve been holding on to for a lifetime.
Being with her. Having my Meebs in my bed, in my arms, has both freed and consumed me. And now that they’ve started, fifteen years of tears don’t seem to want to stop.
“Con? Baby, you okay?”
I try to keep my weight off of her, but my shoulders are shaking so bad that I’m scared I’m going to collapse. She slides out from underneath me, causing me to slide out of her. I pull off the condom, tie it in a knot and throw it down on the floor, not really caring where it lands.
I push myself to sit back against the headboard, and when she climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around me, the feel of her skin against mine, her fingers combing gently through my hair, I come completely undone. I gasp for air as the sobs come thick and fast, the tears stream down my face and all the while she just holds me tight and strokes her fingers over my arms, my back and my head.
She takes my face in her hands and makes me look up her. “They tried to break us, Conner Reed. They tried, and they failed. What we have is stronger than they could ever have imagined. We fought a war we had no idea we were a part of, and we’ve found our way back. We don’t need anyone else. We might be broken and damaged, but we’ll fix ourselves. As long as we have each other, we’ll be stronger than ever.” She leans in and kisses my face, my eyes and my nose.
She kisses away my tears and my fears, and I feel each and every one of them in my heart, my soul, in my DNA.
She holds me tight while I cry and then, later on, she holds me tight while I make love to her in the shower. This time I do take it slow and gentle. I lick and suck her from head to toe, until she’s once again, calling out my name.
She’s got me… hook, line and sinker. I’m one hundred percent in love with this girl, and I can’t wait to tell the world. Yep, I’ll also gladly admit to anyone that wants to listen, that where she’s concerned, I’m a complete and utter pussy.
Iwalk into the bigkitchen, dining and living area that Conner calls the ‘family room’ to the sound of Sigma singing about having nobody to love and I stop dead in my tracks as I take him in.
“You fancy Chinese?” Conner looks up from the menu in his hand and asks.
He’s leaning against the kitchen worktop, wearing a pair of football shorts and nothing else. His dark blond hair looks almost brown where it’s damp. He’s pushed it back from his face, which is covered in a few days stubble. He’s still lean but not skinny. In fact, he’s ripped. He has a well-defined six pack, that V thing which girls want to kiss, lick and suck, and well-defined muscles in his arms and legs. And ink. Ink on his arms, around his neck, his hands, and it’s so fucking hot, he’s so fucking hot, I could combust just looking at him. Conner Reed was once a beautiful boy, now he’s a breathtakingly beautiful man.
“Meebs, stop perving. I’m starved. You want Chinese or d’ya wanna pop out and get something?”
I keep staring. Pop out? Be seen out, in public, with Conner Reed?
The reality of the last few hours hits me like an avalanche, and I can barely draw breath.
He’s the boy I fell in love with when I was fifteen, but then at the hands of lies, deceit and spitefulness, we’ve spent years apart only to meet back up and fall straight into bed.
What on earth was I thinking?
Our lives have gone in entirely different directions. Conner’s a world famous rock star, I’m a soon to be divorced hairdresser from Surrey. I live in the real world of bills, work and a dog to walk, while Conner poses on the front of magazines with six foot tall, stick thin, fake titted models. I don’t know what’s been going through my head, but this can never work. I’m not some fictional character from one of the many contemporary romance novels I have on my Kindle. I’m me, a real, living breathing person with a life I need to get back to. While Conner, Conner is just the fantasy I’ve held on to for far too long.
