Page 45 of The Story of Me
“You were here, in your room last night, ordering room service?” I nod, mainly because I’m struggling to form sentences. “I was a few streets away in my hotel room, doing the same.” I make do, do, do, do noises, attempting to sound like the theme to theTwilight Zone.
“Spooky,” I whisper to him, and he slaps me over the head with the menu.
“Don’t take the piss, Kitten; it’s not nice.”
I sigh a big sigh and shake my head at him. “Cameron King, when are you gonna realise I’m not nice?”
He looks at me almost reverently as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re nice; you’re just too hard on yourself, and you worry too much about what other people are gonna think or say.”
I ignore him. “Anyway, listen, you have to listen to my story. I need to tell you all of this.” No matter how hard I try, I slur nearly every word, and I can see Cam’s trying his best not to smile. “So, yeah, anyway, because I thought you thought I was a little whore, I decided to act like one. All those blokes, the different ones I used to bring into Kings every week or so, I was just trying to piss you off. I was just like… ‘yeah, well, you think I’m a whore, then I’m gonna act like a whore; just watch me. Just watch me, King, you fucker.’ And for six months, six whole months I did. And all the while, I wanted you to stop me; I wanted you to saysomething, to tell me to stop, ask me to stop, but you didn’t. You didn’t say or do anything, so I just kept bringing them in, week after week after week.”
He picks up the hotel phone and presses a button. “Keep talking. I’m listening.”
I give him a wink. “Good-looking and a multitapletasker, a multiple, a multitasker, wow.”
He wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “Baby, you’ve felt nothing till you’ve felt my fingers,” he wiggles his middle finger at me, “my tongue,” he sticks out his tongue and moves it suggestively, “and my cock,” he gyrates his hips, “all in action at the same time… Shit, sorry, no not you, love.” He bites his bottom lip as he tries not to laugh at the person who’s just answered the phone. “Shit,” he mouths to me. “Yeah, can I get two burgers with the lot, one with no pineapple.” My heart stutters; all these years and he’s remembered I don’t like pineapple. He winks at me as he talks.What is this? What am I feeling here and where am I going with this?My head is swimming, drowning in the questions I’m asking myself right now. “Yeah, a side of wedges, some aioli, some sweet chilli sauce, a large jug of iced water and a bottle of Wild Turkey, Rare Breed if you’ve got it… That’s right, cheers.” He puts the phone down.
He folds his arms behind his head and leans against the headboard, his long legs stretched out in front as I sit cross-legged beside him on the bed.
“So, all you wanted was for me to rescue you. Is that what you’re saying?”
I nod. “I think I was but I wouldn’t… couldn’t admit that to myself at the time.”
“Why?”
I think about this for a while; my long conversations with Jackson have helped me come to a conclusion, and I concentrate hard on explaining myself clearly to Cam. I don’t want him to think this is just drunk talk. I want him to know this is me being honest.
“I was so in love with the idea of being in love with Sean that I couldn’t see past it. I wouldn’t let myself accept that I was attracted to you, but at the same time, I so desperately wanted you to force me, to make me see it.” God, this feels so good. Sitting here with him, with Cam and after all these years, finally explaining myself to him. It just makes everything so much clearer. “When you spoke to me that night in the wine bar, when that bloke shoved me at the bar and we ended up in your office—” His eyes are closed as he interrupts me.
“Fuck, you were wearing stockings and suspenders.”
“I was.” I blush as I think about that night; my behaviour all round was pretty shameful. The way I treated the bloke I was with, and the things I did with Cam in his office. Cam, me and offices, what a lethal, explosive combination.
“What is it when you and me end up in an office together, Kitten, ehh? Things happen.”
My stomach churns as I think about the ‘things’ that have happened; the sex we had against his office door, the one and only time in my life I was unfaithful to Sean.
“Bad things happen when we’re in an office together,” I say quietly.
He shrugs and shakes his head slightly, the way he so often does around me. “There was nothing bad about the things we did as far as I’m concerned, Kitten. I only remember them as good, and… Fuck, change the subject. I’m getting a hard-on.” I don’t mean to, but fuck, my eyes go straight to his crotch and sure enough, he has a tepee in his trousers,
“Cam, seriously?” My eyes roam up his body and meet his, and we both laugh and shake our heads. I’m still wearing the dress I went out in and I have a pillow over my lap so Cam can’t see up it. I throw the pillow down onto his lap as I jump off the bed. “I’m gonna have a quick shower before our food gets here. You can try and calm yourself down while I’m gone.”
“You’ve just told me you’re going for a shower and you expect me to calm down? Are you fucking mad, woman? Pass me out some tissues, and I’ll have a wank while you’re gone. I just saw your knickers by the way, Kitten.” His lips are pursed together, eyebrows raised as he waits for my response.
“You need help, Tiger?”
He pulls open his fly. “Is that an offer, Kitten?”
I need to leave. I need to lock myself in the bathroom and take a cold shower. I have no idea where things are going with Cam, and the last thing we need to do is complicate matters with sex; not that I would do that, with him, tonight of all nights.
I grab what I need and take it into the bathroom. There’s no way I’m stepping back out here with just a towel wrapped around me. I shower and remove all the makeup I’m wearing, then dress in one of my Juicy tracksuits.
I step from the bathroom into the bedroom, and Cam’s no longer on the bed. I walk out into the living area of the suite and he’s standing with his back to me, sipping on a bourbon, our food laid out on the table. I must make a noise or he just senses my presence as he turns and looks at me, one hand in his trouser pocket, the other nursing his drink. His sleeves are rolled up and he’s taken off his tie. He is just so… male: big, tall and so fucking sexy.
We both stand completely still; the air crackles between us but we don’t say a word. My heart is pounding, and I desperately want to touch him. I desperately want him to hold me in his arms, but I say nothing. The telly is on and has been switched to a music channel. Lifehouse are on, singing “Hanging By A Moment”, and if this had been pre-planned, set up, staged or whatever, there’s not a better song out there to fit this moment.
“That’s better; now you look like my Kitten. You didn’t need all that shit on your face. You’re more beautiful without it.” I don’t reply, because if I say something, it will be too much and I don’t want to spoil things. “Come and eat something; you really need to fatten up.” I’ve actually put on weight since I’ve been in Australia; God knows what he would have thought if he’d seen me before I arrived.
