Page 68 of The Story of Me
DON’T MAKE PLANS
N YEAH, I DID SHOUT ALL OF THAT
LUV YA GUTS BIRD
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I smile down at my phone. I so need some girl time. I have so much I need to tell them, so much going on in my head that I feel like it’s ready to burst.
I look up as Cam walks in and comes around the kitchen island and stands next to me. He leans his large frame against the sink and I lean next to him, side by side.
“Why isshehere?” Four words and that whiney voice of hers is already grating on me.
“Because I invited her here. Why are you here, Tamara? Seeing as you weren’t invited.”
“You’ve made me look like a complete fool. What are all my friends going to think? I’m carrying your child, Cameron, and here you are, splashed all over the newspapers withher.”
“What the fuck has that got to do with your friends? They should all know that we’re not together, unless you’ve been telling them different.”
I watch her intently as I listen to their exchange. She’s aged considerably in the couple of years since I saw her in the restaurant with Cam. My heart speeds at that memory and I push it down while I focus on the here and now. I remember admiring the colour of her hair back then, but now it looks fake, out of a bottle, and not professionally done. I wonder if I’m being a snob. For someone who’s four months pregnant, her face is very thin and drawn, she has a heavy black coat on so I can’t see what the rest of her looks like. Her complexion is surprisingly good for someone who’s had a drug problem. She has that look of someone who’s been well bred, come from money. Perhaps being working class, it’s just something that I notice. I’m really not sure.
I don’t want to make an enemy of this woman. I actually feel sorry for her, so I just remain quietly at Cam’s side.
“My friends are just assuming that you’ll come to your senses and do the right thing by me and your son.” Her eyes are a very wishy-washy blue-grey colour and they are suddenly on me.
“Has Cameron told you we’re expecting a child together, or have you no shame? Your own husband’s only been dead five minutes, and already, here you are, barely dressed, in the home of another man.” Okay, perhaps I do want to make a new enemy; shit, they’re forming a queue today.
“I don’t think what I do or what I wear has anything to do with you,” I say politely. I want to tell her to fuck right off and mind her own business, but I don’t want to swear and appear inarticulate.
Cam’s arm slides around my hip and he pulls me closer to him, as close as I can actually get. “Tamara, why are you here exactly? Coz I ain’t got a clue what it is you want, darling.”
“You,” she shrieks, “I want you to stop all of this. You know you should be with me. You know we belong together. She had her chance and chose her rock star and left you in pieces. Why would you take her back? Why would you choose to be second best?” She wipes her hand across her nose. “You’ve got her by default. You know that, don’t you? She didn’t want you when he was alive. She left you forhimand she’s only with you now because he’s dead. She just doesn’t want to be alone.” I remain silent. I know that we are going to hear this again and again and I have no response. What she’s saying is probably true. If Sean were alive, we would still be together, but he’s not, and Cam and I have found our way back to each other. Whether we’ve got enough between us to make it last, remains to be seen, but we’re going to give it our best shot.
“You need to go, Tam. You’re becoming irrational. It’s not good for you and it can’t be good for the baby.”
“What do you care?” she says dramatically and I look up at Cam. I don’t know how he’s keeping his cool, or not doubled over with laughter. I can throw a hissy fit of epic proportions; I did it on a regular basis. With a houseful of brothers, I also learnt how to act heartbroken and upset so I could get my own way, and that’s exactly what she’s doing now. I can’t quite work out what her game is. Whether she thinks Cam will feel sorry for her, or she thinks I will fall for her crap and walk away. I have no idea, but it’s not working and I think it’s time for her to leave.
Cam’s phone rings and he looks from the screen to Tamara the screeching banshee.
“Robyn, she’s here… She told me you let her go out for a walk… Okay, well Benny will bring her home, she’s leaving now…
“You think so? …But, how? Mark should be with her at all times…
“Oh, does he? Well, I’ll give him a bell and get that sorted but let me know if you have any concerns, and do me a favour; when she gets back, check her blood pressure please. She’s having a little tantrum at the moment and it can’t be good for either of them… Okay cheers.”
He ends the call. “Stop with the tears, Tamara. You’re a fucking actress. Robyn had no idea you were here. You were supposed to be going for milk, which you didn’t need. Robyn’s just found the carton you hid in the back garden.” He lets out a long breath. “I don’t know how to make this any clearer to you, so I will just say it how it is.” He looks at me. “I’m with Georgia. I love Georgia. Me and you, whether the baby is mine or not, will never be together, never. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to make you cry, but you need to understand. We may share a child, but that is as far as our relationship will ever go.”
I don’t look at her. I don’t want to gloat. I’ve had my heart broken. It’s not something I would ever wish on anyone.
The front door opens and closes, and Cam says from beside me, “That’ll be Benny. He’s gonna drive you home, Tam. Please don’t make a scene.” I look up at him as he rubs his hand over his jaw. “I want you to be well. I want you to be safe. I want the baby to be born healthy, but that’s all there is between us. Please don’t come here again.”
Benny is leaning against the wall as I look up and he winks at me.
“You all right, George? You’re looking well, girl.” I nod slightly.
“I’m doing okay, Ben. It’s good to see you.”
“I can find my own way home. I don’t need him,” Tamara interrupts. Cam lets out a long sigh and rakes his hand through his hair.
