Page 69 of The Story of Me
“Tamara, you’re a pregnant drug addict. You either play by my rules and have Mark and Robyn with you, or I put you back in the facility, and this time, I’ll let your dad know the real reason you’re in there.” He looks at Benny. “Take her home, Ben. See her in and tell Marky to call me.”
Benny swings his keys around and says, “Will do, boss. See ya, George.”
“Bye, Ben.”
He looks at Tamara. “You fit then, your ladyship?”
“Fuck off, Benjamin. Please don’t speak to me.”
“My pleasure, darling, my pleasure,” he says on a chuckle as he walks back up the hallway.
Tamara folds her arms across her chest and looks at both of us. “It won’t last you know. As soon as she’s finished mourning, she’ll go off into the big wide world and leave you. Just like she did before.” She turns her gaze on me. “And him, he’ll soon get bored. Cam’s not the settling down type. He likes variety, someone different to warm his bed every week, except me of course. He’s kept me around for over ten years and that’s because he can’t keep away. There’s always been something special between Cameron and me, and now there’s a child involved, he won’t be able to stay away, so enjoy him while you can. He’ll soon be running back to me.”
She stands and waits for my reply but I keep a dignified silence.
“Just go,” Cam says quietly from beside me and she turns and walks away.
I fold my arms across my chest and look up at him. “Well, that went better than I expected.” I’ve barely got the words out of my mouth when Tamara comes screeching from the hallway towards us. Benny is behind her, but isn’t fast enough to stop her launching herself at me, Cam blocks her path as she lashes out, kicking, clawing and punching him. Benny grabs her and Cam calls out, “Careful, Ben, careful, she’s pregnant, remember.”
“Pregnant, fucking pregnant, she’s a lunatic, Cam. That’s what she is, a fucking lunatic.”
I’ve barely moved as I watch the two huge men wrestle with Tamara. I’ve rarely witnessed violence in my life. I know I attacked Whorely the way I did, but whenever fights break out around me, I always seem to freeze to the spot, and despite Cam knocking into me a couple of times, I stand and stare at what unfolds. Tamara’s eyes are wide and on me the whole time.
“I hate you. Why didn’t you die with your husband?” she screams at me. It’s like she’s a different person to the one who just stood calmly in front of us. Her words cause a horrible pain in my chest but I still say and do nothing.
“What did you take?” Cam has her face in his big hands and forces her to look at him, “You’re on something. I fucking know it. What did you take?”
She throws her head back and starts to laugh. Cam turns and looks at me and I hate what I see in his eyes, written all over his face; it's guilt. It’s how I probably looked when I found him in his bathroom at his old flat above the wine bar that time. He’s blaming himself for this. He thinks her being a junkie is all down to him and I don’t know what to say or do to take the guilt away.
“You okay, Kitten?” he asks me quietly. I’m touched that his first thought is for me while all this chaos is going on. I swallow and nod, but I’m not entirely sure that I am and I think he knows it. “Can you call an ambulance for me? Call for an ambulance, then pass me the phone so I can talk to them.”
I nod again and turn to get my phone when Tamara screams, “What did you call her? Did you call her Kitten? Why? Why?” She’s kicking and thrashing again. “Why her? Why not me? Why not me?” She starts to sob as I press 9-9-9 on my phone. She stops fighting and just sobs and I start to cry as I pass the phone to Cam. She’s heartbroken. I know that cry. I’ve cried like that so often myself this past year and I can’t help but feel sorry for her and I can’t help but wonder… if I wasn’t here, would he be with her? Would they be together? Am I breaking up or keeping apart a family?
* * *
I sit on the sofa and watch as Cam holds Tamara in his arms as she cries. The paramedics arrive, but she screams and begs Cam not to let them take her away, so in the end, he goes in the ambulance with her. He barks at Benny to stay with me as he carries her out the door. “I’ll be back as soon as she’s settled,” he looks over his shoulder, directing his words at me. I nod. What else can I do?
The front door closes and when Benny comes and sits down next to me on the sofa, I really let the tears go. I’m not really sure why I’m crying. What I just witnessed was distressing, but I think my tears are more about guilt, and for the first time in a long while, I hear that little voice in my head telling me that perhaps I should’ve died on that cold pavement next to Sean and our son last year. Perhaps that’s what was meant to happen, but because of my husband’s selfless actions, it didn’t, and now here I am, being selfish, loving Cam and ruining other people’s lives.
Chapter Twenty
Benny sits quietly at first, saying nothing as I cry. After about ten minutes, he says, “Come on, George. Don’t cry like that, sweetheart. It’s upsetting to hear.” I lean over and pull a couple of tissues from the box on the coffee table and blow my nose.
“Sorry, Ben,” I sniff. “You wanna cup of tea or something?” I ask him.
“Fuck the tea, babe, I need a proper drink after dealing with that Loony Tune.” He gets up and goes over to a top cupboard in the kitchen and pulls out a bottle of bourbon, then a glass from a different cupboard. “You want one of these, or you want summit different?” he asks.
I stand up and stretch. “I’ll have a wine. D’ya know where the glasses are?” He opens another cupboard and pulls out a wine glass. I fill it with the wine I’ve taken from the fridge, then go and sit back down on the sofa. My head spins after just one sip. It’s still early in the day, not yet twelve, and despite having had a little bit of breakfast, the alcohol hits me.
“Them paparazzi are gonna have a fuckin’ field day with all this. I don’t know how you’ve put up with it all these years, George. I really don’t. They hang about like flies ‘round shit. I’d line the fuckin’ lot of ‘em up against a wall and have ‘em shot, I would.”
I give a little laugh. There’re plenty of times I’ve wanted to do much worse. The attention was a little more acceptable when Sean was alive, but now, it was just ridiculous. All this attention aimed at me is beyond belief.
“Are there many out there?” I ask.
He sips on his drink and nods. “There were about four when I pulled in but they were out on the street. Your brothers sent some security over so they couldn’t get into the car park like they did last night when you pulled up.” Last night, it was just last night when I pulled up here with Cam. It’s amazing how easily we’ve slipped into being together again, almost like we’d never been apart. Except that we had; we’d both lived this whole other life for the past twelve years.
“Was there no one else, Ben? Was she the only girlfriend he’s had?”
