Page 41 of The Story of Me
“Why would it be wrong, George? I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you’re thirty-two. You still have a whole life in front of you to live, and Sean would want you to go out there and live it for both of ya.”
“But I feel so guilty. It’s horrible Ash; the guilt is almost as painful as the loss and the loneliness.”
I hear her sob. “Please don’t be lonely, George; please don’t. That really hurts to hear you say that. You’ve got all of us, so please don’t ever be lonely.” I can’t control the big fat sob that feels like it’s going to rupture my chest, and I have to let it go. We both just cry for a while. “It’ll be so good to have you home, George. We’re gonna have a proper Christmas this year, since last year was fucked. We just went through the motions for the kids, but this year, we’ll celebrate this year. We’ll celebrate and be thankful for what we’ve got. We’ll remember everything we’ve lost, and we’ll look forward to what next year will bring. Top of the list will be finding you a baby daddy.”
I draw in a deep breath. “I’m thinking of just using a donor.”
“No fuckin’ way, woman. We are gonna find you a man. A smoking hot man who can fertilise them eggs and be around for them babies after. We need a big strong man, someone who can look after you and however many babies you might end up with.”
“It’ll just be one, Ash. I don’t think Jimmie intends doing this more than once for me and for that, I’ll always be grateful. Besides, we don’t even know if it’ll work yet anyway.”
“Then I’ll do it for ya, too. You can’t have just one, George; you need a couple. You need a couple of kids around ya, to keep you busy. I’ll do it. Jimmie can have half the eggs; I’ll have the other half. All we need now is someone with big, strong super sperm, someone like TDH and them big fine muscles of his. I bet his little-boy swimmers already have abs and pecs.” There is something seriously, mentally wrong with me, because the thought of Cam’s sperm has me crossing my legs and clenching everything inside. Ashley is chuckling to herself on the other end of the line. “Seriously, though, George, that fine specimen would be perfect. Have you heard anything from him? Would you know how to get in touch if you wanted to?” My belly goes over and twists in a knot with my guilt.
“I’m not asking TDH to donate sperm, Ash.”
“Why? He’s big and strong, and handsome. He’s TDH, for fuck’s sake, and I like the thought of having a bit of him inside me.”
“Ash, seriously, you are just so wrong sometimes.”
“Yeah, I know, but being wrong always feels so right to me.” We’re both silent for a few seconds. “This is so good, George, hearing you like this; sounding happy, making plans. You’ve really cheered me up. I can’t wait to see Marley’s face when you get home.”
My heart warms at her words. I wish I could forget this club opening and jump on a plane right now and be home with all my family, but then that would mean being in England on December first and I didn’t want that. I wanted to be up in the sky, flying across time zones where no one can find me for the next couple of days.
Ash and I end our call and I decide to try to get an hour of sleep before going out tonight. However, I notice I’ve received a text from Jodie while I was talking to Ash. She’s cancelling on me tonight, saying she has too much on, but she’ll see me when we get there tomorrow night.
I order a bottle of champagne and a burger from room service, text Jackson and tell him I won’t be meeting them for drinks. Instead, I orderBlowfrom the hotel’s film channel. I settle in for the night with my burger, my bubbles and Johnny Depp.
* * *
I really can’t remember the last time I got dressed up for a night out, and even though I don’t plan on staying at the club for too long, I want to make an effort and decide on being a complete diva. I make a few phone calls and by five o’clock, I have Australia’s top makeup artist, an assistant and a hairdresser in my room getting Brooke and me ready for tonight. While the team gets to work on making us beautiful, Brooke and I drink champagne. I took her shopping this morning and bought her new shoes and an outfit for tonight, and I’ve ordered a limo to take us to the club later, but she doesn’t know that yet. I’ve lived in her home for the past couple of months; it’s the very least I can do to thank her.
Jackson has no idea yet, but I’ve purchased a property in Byron and arranged funding so he can set himself up as a counsellor. He’s helped me so much; it just comes to him naturally, and I want him to be able to help other people. I know it’s what he wants to do, but he needs his income from the surf school and the boat charters to be able to live. So I had my lawyers arrange things so he will also draw a wage from the counselling practice, pay for the rest of the qualifications he needs, and pay for Brooke to do some courses, too. I don’t want them to think I’m being flash with my money, but at the end of the day, I have money, more money than I will ever be able to spend in my life time, and I want to do some good with it. Australia has been good to me, and I want to be able to give something back.
* * *
Brooke’s face is a picture as she realises the limo that pulls up outside the hotel is for us, and Jackson tells her to quieten down at least three times before we even step inside. It reminds me of arriving in Spain many years ago and getting into a limo with Sean, Lennon and Jimmie, right before it all went wrong. I accept the champagne Jax passes and decide not to focus on anything sad tonight. Despite the date, despite the anniversary, I’m going to smile. I refuse to curl up in a ball and sob today. I’m going to party like the rock star my husband was and just hang on to all the good times, the amazing things we experienced together and the beautiful love we were lucky to share. Well, that’s what Jimmie, my mum, my dad and Bailey had all basically told me I had to do during their calls at various times during today, but in all honesty, I was barely hanging on.
The driver opens the door of the car and Jackson steps out first; the flash from the photographer’s cameras lights up the night, and I suddenly don’t want to get out. I’ve talked this over and over with Jax, and I know I shouldn’t care, but I do, and I know that by me coming out tonight, of all nights, the press are going to rip me to shreds. I sit completely still. I don’t want to cry. I want to throw up and I want to run, but I know I can’t just keep running. Brooke squeezes my hand as she sits silently next to me. Jax bends down and puts his head back inside, and he holds his hand out to me.
“Come on, Georgia. We’ve got this. They’ve no idea who’s in here, and the last person they’re expecting is you. And if they do work out it’s you, fuck ‘em; you can’t keep hiding away like this. C’mon, let’s go.” I reach out for his hand. I keep my head well down and buried in Jackson’s chest as Brooke covers me from the other side, and we make it inside the club to whispers of, “Who is that?” “No idea.” “It’s no one famous, I don’t think.”
Brooke and I head straight into the first lot of bathrooms and straighten out our ruffled hair. There’re a few people in there and when they start to whisper, nudge and stare, I realise I should have waited and gone to the bathrooms up in the VIP area. My heart is pounding as I grab Brooke’s hand while she’s still putting on her lipstick.
“Let’s use the bathrooms upstairs.” She doesn’t say anything and just follows behind me.
There’s a lift dedicated to delivering guests to the top floor, and we have to give our names before we can get in. A few heads turn as I give mine, and I spend the next five minutes staring at my shoes as we wait for and then ride in the glass capsule.
Once up on the roof, we are greeted by waiters and waitresses; beer, wine, champagne and vodka shots are being offered. I take a flute of champagne and a vodka shot, I throw back the vodka and take another before the waiter is out of reach. We find a spot to stand and people watch quietly for a few minutes while we all let the alcohol calm us down.
“Fuck knows how you deal with that all the time, George. I’d end up punching someone,” Jax eventually says.
“I know; I’m still shaking.” Brooke holds up her shaking hand as to prove her point.
“I don’t deal with it. That’s why I came here, to get away from all that shit.”
“But you’ve had to deal with it most of your life,” Jax says.
“Yeah, and to think I used to be jealous of you. Fuck, that’s just madness! They were all pushing and shoving and they didn’t even know who you were.” I don’t want to tell them that what happened outside was nothing compared to some of the situations I’d been in; the worst was in Japan. The Carnage fans and the press were just insane and broke through the security barriers that had been set up. Sean and I were separated; I tried to get out of the way, but I was pushed all over the place and knocked to the ground. I remember Milo appearing from nowhere, then Marley, both of them holding people back so I didn’t get trampled on. Then Sean appeared and lifted me off the floor, and the three of them surrounded me as they pushed through the crowd. Sean and Marley had gone absolutely ballistic at the organisers and threatened to pull out of the live appearance if security wasn’t stepped up before they went on stage.
