Page 107 of Saving Ren
“Eclectic?” she offers.
I smile back at her, not just because that word pretty much sums up everything about Lauren, not just her taste in music, but because it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her this chilled, relaxed, and apparently happy. I know the bottle of wine we shared over lunch, along with the Espresso Martini she chose instead of dessert has loosened her up a little, but I’m not lying when I say I hope I’ve played a part in making her laugh and smile the way she is right now.
We’re driving back home on a sunny Sunday afternoon, and she’s hooked her phone up to my car’s Bluetooth system and has been playing her music through it.
“Isn't that the point of creating a playlist? It’s uniquely yours, you can add every single one of your favourites, whatever the era or genre.”
Still dazzling me with her smile, she shrugs. “I like what I like.”
“That include me?” I slice my gaze from the road to her, then back to the road again.
“You know it does,” she replies quietly. Reaching out, she rests her hand palm up on the centre console and I take it in mine and give it a squeeze.
It hits me then how comfortable being with her is. Despite the situation, all the reasons behind us being here together, it feels right. And even though nothing about ithasbeen, it feels easy. Being with her feels easy like it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be, and everything my brothers have told me over the years about meeting ‘The One,’ I’m now finally getting it.
I can’t explain the attraction. Probably couldn’t if my life depended on it, but it’s there. I like having her in my bed every night, being able to text her every day, knowing that she’ll be there when I get home from work.
It’s been just over a month that I’ve had her in my life, and she has pretty much flipped it on its head.
Her lack of confidence in herself, her self-doubts and insecurities frustrate the fuck out of me. Her quick wit, sense of humour, smart mouth and sass have me shaking my head and chuckling simultaneously, and her smile makes my day brighter. All of that, combined with her sexy little body has my dick constantly hard, but nothing so far has had my gut twisting the way it is right now.
“Thanks for today. Not just today, the whole weekend, the past six weeks. Everything,” she says from where she sits beside me.
I can feel her eyes burning into the side of my head and face, but I keep staring straight ahead, giving her hand a squeeze and a small nod to acknowledge that I’ve heard what she’s saying.
“When everything was going on, when Jay was at his worst, I never thought I’d have this again. I didn’t think I’d want it. I’ve never thought all men are the same, but I just thought I’d be done, have nothing left. . .” She trails off, and I finally look at her, but she’s now staring straight ahead.
“Am I making sense?” Her eyes finally meet mine as she asks. I raise both our hands to my mouth and kiss the back of hers.
“Kinda,” I tell her honestly. “My circumstances were. . . are, a lot different to yours, but I’ve spent most of my adult life thinking I’d never have something like this, and until you, it didn’t matter. I didn’t get what I was missing out on.”
“What happened to make you think that?”
“That’s not a story to tell you while I’m driving,” I reply without looking at her. Grateful for the song change as an excuse for a subject change, I use the controls on my steering wheel to turn up the volume on Life House as they start to sing about the First Time. Smiling, I gesture with my head towards my truck’s sound system just as I slow and pull off the road and wait for the gates to open at the front of our drive.
Instead of pulling up to the house, I remain stationary and turn to look at her.
“I’m taking a big fucking chance, letting you inside,” she says, letting me know that she gets the song lyrics and why I turned them up.
“Total honesty, Ren. I’ve no clue what I’m doing, and I’m scared to fucking death,” I respond.
“Total honesty, Gabe. Neither have I.”
“You think we’ll work it out?”
She shakes her head, making my heart freefall into my stomach.
“I honestly don’t know. A year ago, I thought I had my life worked out. Two months ago, I celebrated twenty-four years of marriage dodging a glass of bourbon that had been thrown at me and having my arm twisted so far up my back, I thought it was going to snap, but even then, right in the midst of all that, I never could’ve imagined or predicted what was to come, and never,not ever, did I foresee you.”
She blinks, and the tears she’s fiercely been holding on to finally escape down her cheeks.
“At no time ever did I plan on you, and yet here we are. Never will I assume or expect anything again,” she adds.
Without letting go of her hand, I move the car onto the drive and park outside the house.
Turning off the engine, we sit in silence for a few seconds before Ren speaks.
“I want to know.” I know exactly what she’s talking about, but I’m not sure she’s ready for the answer.
