Page 62 of Loving Wild
“She’s not your mother. No one could ever replace your mother . . .”
“Then why . . .” I start to interrupt, but he stops me.
“Because I didn’t want to be lonely. Because I didn’t want you kids worrying about me being lonely.”
I feel my head snap back at this news.
“Do you love her?” I ask quietly.
“I care,” he says with a shrug. “She looks after me, we enjoy each other’s company, and she fills the house with noise.”
We stare at each other for a few long seconds.
“That was the worst part. The silence, the quiet house. The long nights after you kids went to bed and I only had myself for company.”
I think about how much I love coming home to Lauren every night. Her music usually playing over the sound system, the smell of whatever she is cooking hitting me as soon as I open the front door, waking in the night to her warm body pressed against mine. It’s only been weeks, but I’d hate to lose that. Hate to go back to that kind of silence, to those long, lonely nights. My dad had that with my mum for years, and then it was gone.
“I know it was shit for you and Dani, but I was glad you were young. Grateful you were still around and still needed me.”
My heart can’t decide if it wants to punch itself out of my chest or claw its way up my throat. I’ve never had a conversation like this with my dad, never knew this was how he felt, and as shit a topic as it is, I’m so fucking glad that he’s chosen to share this with me.
“It’s why I pickedher,” he lifts his chin in Jackie’s general direction. “Knew all I would ever do is care, that I’d never feel more, and losing her would never hurt me like losing your mum did.”
I don’t know why I feel like a weight suddenly shifts from my chest, but it does, and I let out a long breath as the pressure eases.
“Last week, when her ex came to our house, I thought . . .” I feel my jaw tremble and have to take a second to rein in my emotions. “She was laying on the drive, and when I reached for her, I could feel wet and I thought it was blood,” I don’t take a breath as I rush the words out. “I thought she was dying, Dad. I thought I was losing her before I’d even told her that I love her.”
My dad’s hand reaches out and he cups the side of my face.
“I’m so sorry, boy. Sorry that you both had to go through that.”
“And I’m sorry that we both lost Mum, that we all lost her.”
He pulls me against him, then sets me away.
“Love you, Gabe,” he says while looking directly into my eyes. “And I’m so fucking happy for you.”
He winks, tilts his chin towards the stairs and says, “Go find your girl.”
I watch as my dad turns and heads towards Jackie. It’s petty, but I feel a certain level of smugness at the knowledge that he only ‘cares’ about her, at the same time, I still wonder if that’s more than she cares for him.
On that thought, I go in search of Lauren. Reaching the top of the stairs, I start to turn right towards our assigned bedroom when Lauren appears out of a bedroom at the end of the landing on the left.
“There you are, thought you got lost . . .” I trail off as I take in the look on her face. “You okay?”
“I need to talk to you,” she replies with a shake of her head before grabbing my hand and pulling me into our bedroom.
“Woman, really? We gonna do this right now?” I pull her back against my front and grind into her. “I only came up here to . . .”
“Wild, just hush your noise,” she interrupts both what I’m saying and my grinding as she pulls away. “That’s not what we’re doing. I’m not sure you’re gonna be in the mood once we have our little talk anyway.”
Closing the bedroom door behind us, I lean back against it, and shrug.
“What?” I ask. My mouth going dry and the buzz from the alcohol I’ve consumed all afternoon instantly fading right along with my hard-on. “What’s wrong?”
“Ava just got her first period.”
Yep, my dick is definitely no longer hard.
