Page 50 of Chasing Blue
“It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster, but I ended up having fun. I’m really tired now though.”
“Let’s get you home then.”
Tucking me into his side, Jack steers us back towards the bar.
“Yeah,” I tell him with a sigh. “Time to go see my baby dog. His name’s Maca. Did you know that?”
“I do know, you told me earlier.”
“Because Sean . . .”
“Carnage, yeah. Worked that one out for myself, babe.”
“Yeah, coz you remembereveryfuckinthing.” I deepen my voice in an attempt to sound like him.
“You’ll have to come up and meet him sometime,” I add.
“I’m free right now,” he suggests, and I instantly stop walking.
Reconnecting, or even just hooking up with Jack again is something I’ve dreamed and hoped for so often over the years. Now there’s a possibility it could happen, my internal walls and barriers that fortressed my heart after he broke it back when I was eighteen, have instantly slammed shut around it at his suggestion.
With my thoughts and inhibitions drowning in alcohol, it would be so easy to take Jack home and to my bed. So fucking easy. But I need to protect my heart, and thankfully, despite the alcohol, my brain is fully cognisant of this fact and reminds me of all the reasons why inviting Jack up to my apartment would be a bad idea.
The first, and the one that causes almost instant sobriety, is the fact that he broke my fucking heart and left it in a million tiny pieces. Eighteen years later and I’m still missing a piece. A piece that will forever be lost and can never be replaced.
I stare at him, the anger towards him I’ve held onto for all these years nowhere near as apparent now that I finally have him standing in front of me. It’s there, I’m not sure I’ll ever let go of all of it, which could be problematic for any future we might have.
Because I know what Jack said earlier is true, even after all these years, there’s stillsomethingthere between us. Whether that something is just unfinished business and will be over in a flash, or if we really are meant to be, I don’t know, but it leads me to reason number two, the conversation we need to have. And to have that conversation, I need to be a million per cent sober. Right now, I definitely am not!
I raise my hand and rest my palm against his cheek. His green eyes on my blue, I tell him truthfully how I feel. “Not tonight, Jack Cole. I want you; I really do want you, but there’s a conversation we need to have first, and we need to have it when we’re both sober.”
He lets out a sharp breath and shakes his head before nodding it.
“We gonna have this talk soon, like tomorrow soon?”
“We can talk tomorrow, but even after we talk, it’s gonna be baby steps. You broke me once. I won’t ever put myself in a position that’ll allow you to do it again.”
I watch as he closes his eyes and this time, he lets out a long slow breath before opening them again.
“I don’t wanna keep going over old ground, Blue, so I’m just gonna put it out there one more time.”
He leans away so he can take in all of me. His eyes travel from my body, across my chest, before zig-zagging over my face,hiseyes settling first on my mouth, then finally onmine, as I look back at him.
“I fucked up, but that was then, and this is now. I won’t make that same mistake again. I get that it’ll take time to rebuild trust between us, but I want that. I’m willing to put in the work, to graft to earn that.”
He pauses, before letting out a breath or a sigh so deep and heavy, I feel it on my skin.
“It’s like we’ve been given this second chance, Blue. I’m not a believer in fate or karma, life just is what it is. But for whatever reason, we’ve both landed in this little town at the other end of the country so let’s go with that and see where it takes us next.” He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear. Goosebumps rush up my arm and across my chest, making my nipples tighten and scalp prickle. My head spins, and I fight not to close my eyes and just enjoy the moment.
“Can we do that?” he asks, interrupting my swoon.
“We can try.”
“Can I kiss you?” His hand moves to gently touch the side of my face and his thumb strokes across my cheek.
“Jack . . .” I huff out his name. “You’re really not making this any easier.”
“Good, nothing about us has been easy so far. Why change it now?”
