Page 25 of Chasing Blue
“What are you trying to do anyway?” she asks, moving around her desk to lean on mine and stare down at my screen.
“I’m looking at bands for the bar. You know how manic it gets down here in summer, I wanna be ahead of the game and get acts booked now, plus I want someone a bit special for the opening.”
“What about a DJ for the opening?”
I crack the knuckles on each of my hands while staring at my screen. I hadn’t thought of that, but I don’t want to admit that to my sister. Remaining silent, I tap ‘Melbourne DJs’into my search, and a whole list opens up.
“Fanfuckingtastic idea, Mills. You’re welcome, Jack,” my sister says from beside me.
I shift my eyes to look at her. She’s looking down at me, with a brow raised and a ‘well I’m waiting for a thank you’ expression on her face.
“Onya, Mills, great idea. In fact, it’s such a good idea, I think I’ll put you in charge of finding the acts. Do you want to take over the marketing too?”
She frowns. “What about Jules? I thought she was going to run the bar and restaurant side of things?”
I puff out a breath that makes my lips rattle together.
Milly copies the noise before adding, “What’s that mean? What’s going on with you two?”
I slide down in my chair and look up at the ceiling.
Whatwasgoing on with us two? We were ticking over nicely, it had started casual and cruisy. Jules then decided to get herself involved with the opening of my bar. Coming up with ideas and suggestions on the way we should decorate, run things, and the food we should serve. Ideas that didn’t matchmyvision for the place.
This wasn’t a joint project, this was mine, my baby—something I’d wanted to do outside of my construction job for years. I’d invested the money I’d received in my nan’s will in this place and wasn’t about to let Julia start making decisions on how we were going to do things. I was happy to listen to her suggestions, but she was going one step further, talking about leaving her job as an estate agent and coming to run my bar and restaurant instead.
Julia’s very driven. I like a woman to be assertive and who knows what she wants. What I don’t like is being manipulated. Julia comes from money and has had a privileged upbringing. She works for her dad’s company, drives a company car and lives in a unit gifted by her parents. I don’t think there have been too many times in her life she’s heard the word ‘no’. And what I’ve learned in recent weeks is that she doesn’t get the concept of a refusal. It’s like the word ‘no’ just doesn’t register on her radar. In fact, she mostly totally ignores the fact it’s been said. Don’t get me wrong, she’s hard-working, interesting to talk to, gorgeous to look at, and the sex is good. I care about her, but there’s nothing beyond that. I’ve had no thoughts or plans for a future with her, my focus, as it has been for years, is on my son and my business, not any kind of long-term relationship.
We aren’t due to open the bar until November, that’s months away. Planning to still be with someone that far into the future meant commitment. I’m committed to the woman I’m seeing and our relationship while I’m seeing her, but make no promises for anything long-term, and the plans Jules keeps attempting to make have long-term written all over them. This, among other things, has had me reconsidering our relationship, to the point I’ve avoided her all week.
Providing for my kid until he can make his own way, keeping my construction company running, my dog fed and watered, and catching a decent wave when I have time are the only things I’m committed to. None of that has ever changed, and probably never will, and I’m good with that. Women came and went. A few stayed a little longer than others, but most eventually realised they were never going to be my number one priority, and either dropped off my radar or bowed out gracefully and wished me well before waving me goodbye, usually with their middle finger. Julia, though, she wasn’t taking the hints I’d attempted to leave and just kept pushing things.
Then Monday happened.
Thatonegirl, who, back in the day, I might’ve settled down for, considered a future with, turned up at my bar.
All these years, I’d thought about the way my life might’ve turned out if things had gone differently for Scarlett and me.
Obviously, I’d never wish not to have my kid, but if only I’d had a chance to explain the situation to Scarlett, maybe I could’ve had herandFinn. But that’s not the way things went for us. I never got that chance, so I let it go, lethergo. She’s obviously done well for herself, and I’m happy for her . . . I also haven’t stopped thinking about her all week. I’ve barely slept and have struggled to focus on anything other thanherand what she said to me on Monday.
‘You were my ‘one’, Jack. The one I’ve set all other men by. I know what we had was still very new, but you broke my heart, and it took me a long while to get over you. A little piece of my heart has never fully recovered. A little piece of my heart has remained yours for over eighteen years.’
Those blue eyes of hers so bright and expressive as she spoke had my gut tying itself in knots, and it’s pretty much stayed that way all week.
What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? It pissed me off. I was angry with her for not waiting around and giving me a chance to explain all those years ago. I was also angry at Eden, which I knew was wrong, we’d both fucked up, both been irresponsible. It was my fault as much as hers she’d ended up pregnant, but lack of sleep had me playing the blame game and left me angry at the world. When Jules had called about hooking up Monday night, I’d been pissed off at her for no good reason. I’d blown her off and made excuses about being too flat chat busy to see her this week. I’d promised to make it up to her at the weekend when I’d heard the hurt in her voice, but I knew I was going to have to end things before she got in deeper.
I’m not an arsehole, I’m really not, but I’ve behaved like a total dick all week. Even Mick, my dog, has avoided me and slept in Finn’s room the last couple of nights.
“No, don’t wanna talk about it?”
My sister’s voice pulls me back into the room, and I yawn before I answer her.
“Sorry, what?”
“Jules, Julia? What’s the go with you two?”
“I need to end things,” I tell my sister honestly. “It’s just not . . . I’m not . . .”
“Committed? She’s there, you’re not,” Milly states.
