Page 52 of Chasing Blue
I can hear Span asking for an ambulance. Zoe kneels in front of me on the other side of Jack.
“What do I do, Zo? What do I do?” I sob while watching her feel for a pulse.
“What are you doing? He’s breathing right? Zo, please tell me he’s breathing?” I scream at her as she moves him into the recovery position.
“Are you supposed to move him?” I ask but get no answer.
Someone is shouting instructions, but I feel like I’m underwater. I hear sounds but they’re not forming words, not making sense. Jack’s hand slips from mine as Zoe and Anthony move him.
“Why are you doing that?” I question while reaching for Jack’s hand, holding it between both of mine again, I kiss the back.
“He’s not warm. He doesn’t feel warm.” I’m shouting my words through tears and sobs.
“This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening,” I repeat as Zoe’s hand moves back to Jack’s neck and she presses two fingers there.
“An ambulance is on its way,” I hear Anthony say from beside me, but my eyes haven’t left where Zoe has two fingers resting on Jack’s neck, which disappears from view when a jacket is laid over him.
I feel something draped over my shoulders before a hand rests on my back.
“You need to breathe. The ambulance station is just up the road. I can hear the siren already.”
With my gaze fixed on Jack, I don’t even reply to Anthony until I lean my body as far away from his as I can and vomit all over the tiled floor.
* * *
I sitbetween Zoe and Anthony as Span paces the hospital waiting room floor.
Shannon rode in the ambulance with Jack and is with him now as they do whatever it is they’re doing. We’ve been here an hour, and since the staff found us this room to wait in, we’ve had no communication.
I’ve gone from numb to feeling like I’m coming out of my skin. I hate hospitals. I know no one really likes them, but my one and only experience was the worst of my life, and I’ve done everything to avoid ever stepping foot in one since.
Panic rolls over me in little waves; the longer we sit here, the less time there is between those waves and I know at any minute, they’ll become a tsunami that’ll wash right over me and I’ll drown.
“I can’t do this,” I say out loud. I can barely breathe, but I need to get the words out. To say something, todosomething. “I can’t just sit here not knowing if he’s dead or alive. I didn’t say goodbye. I just knelt there. Like a fucking idiot I just . . .” My meltdown is cut short by Zoe slapping one hand down on my bouncing knee, the other, grabbing my face and turning it towards her.
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. He’s gonna be fine. He was coming around when they put him in the ambulance, and no doubt will be asking for you soon, so you need to get your shit together. You’ve been through worse, you’ll get throughthis.”
My head snaps back as her words hit like a physical blow. “I’ve been through worse,” I repeat. I’m not questioning her comment because it’s true, I have.
“Damn fucking right you have. Now straighten your crown, put on some lippy, and prepare yourself to go and see him because mark my words, sweet cheeks, the way he’s been looking at you all night, you’re gonna be all he wants to see once he opens those gorgeous green eyes of his.”
The door opens.
Span stops pacing, and for a second, I stop breathing.
It’s the police. A mix of plain-clothed and uniformed, there are five of them.
My breaths come out in panicked little pants as I watch them move into the room.
While I waslosingmy shit as I knelt beside Jack, Shannon had apparently kicked theshitout of Matt and held him down until the police arrived. They’d tried to talk to me before Anthony drove us to the hospital, but I have no idea what they asked or what I replied.
I don’t know how, or where Matt is now, and I don’t care. I just hope I never have to lay eyes on the fucker again.
I watch as one of the plain-clothed cops speaks to Span, who then turns to me.
“They need to ask you a few questions. You up for that?” he asks.
I nod. “Will you stay with me?”
