Page 4 of Kay
“I feel like no matter how clearly I explain things, or no matter how many times I give it my all, nobody ever sees it. I’ll think I’ve grown in friendships, done a good job with expressing empathy, made improvements with my communication, and then out of nowhere I’ll realize I got it all wrong and someone somewhere is mad at me or annoyed by my attempts at friendships. I’m tired. I’m tired of giving it my all and continuously failing. I’m tired of being genuine and it being mistaken for being desperate tofit in, or a ‘pick me’ girl. I’m tired of never being enough, being too much, or just being ‘that weird girl Lennon’ and I’m really fucking tired of being lonely. So please, Kay, just go. I can’t take anyone else pretending to care,” I interrupted. “Please, just go,” I said, softer. “My feelings for you are too big for me to get it wrong with you too.”
“I’m going to respect you asking me to leave, but I’m here if you need me, honey. I care about you very much and want you to know you don’t have to deal with these big feelings alone.”
Chapter Two
Kay
I sat at my station cleaning up from my last client. I couldn’t stop playing Lennon’s words over and over in my head. She was obviously hurting and the Daddy in me couldn’t let it go. I was also shocked by her admittance of having feelings toward me. I’d had feelings for the curly- haired beauty since I’d seen her dance the first night at The Thirsty Turtle, but it never seemed that she felt the same, so I hadn’t even tried to get romantically involved with her.
“Hi, Auntie Kay.” Eliose said as she came skipping into my station.
“Good afternoon, sweet girl,” I answered.
“Thank you again for painting the walls so pretty in the playroom.”
Smiling, at her sweet manners, I said, “You’re welcome, honey.”
“I made you something,” she said, pulling a card from the front of her dress pocket. She handed it to me and the adorable drawing on the front made my heart swell in appreciation. It was me and the four Little girls. We were holding hands and standing under a rainbow.
“I love this, Eliose. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome,” she answered.
“Are you helping Daddy out at the shop today?” I asked her. She and Allyson worked at Daddies Ink part time while they were in college.
“Yas, ma’am. Until lunch time. Then I hasta go to class,” she said, frowning.
“Are you not excited about class today?” I tilted my head in surprise. Both Littles usually loved going to school.
“Allyson is still sick and she’s not gonna be there.”
“But you’re going to still have a good day,” Blade said, coming and wrapping his arms around her. He rested his chin on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her neck.
“Maybe,” she grumbled.
“Go work on your homework, baby. I need to talk to Auntie Kay,” he said, sending her off with a pat to her booty.
“Oh no. Am I in trouble?” I teased.
He chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You’ve been off for a few days.”
“It’s that obvious, huh?”
“Eh, Rogue shot you the bird yesterday and you didn’t even call her on it,” he said with a sheepish shrug.
“She didwhat?”
Blade laughed.
“I haven’t been feeling like myself. I’m sorry,” I said feeling guilty.
“Don’t apologize, talk to me. You’re always there for us, let us be there for you.”
His words soothed some of the hurt in my spirit. “Shut the door,” I told him while I pinned Eliose’s card to the wall.
He did before planting his big ass on the side of my desk. Normally I’d fuss, but he was being very genuine, so I let it slide.
“At the risk of sounding like a complete bitch, I’m feeling discouraged about being the only one in the group that doesn’t have a Little one.” I didn’t mention Lennon due to fear of violating her privacy.
