Page 103 of Protect My Heart
‘I do, and I’ll apply at some schools, but this job pays more and I’d be able to help more kids. Kids from bad homes who really need help.’
‘If that’s what you want to do.’ I pick up the TV remote and flip through the channels.
‘Jason, don’t get mad at me for this. You knew I was going to apply for jobs.’
‘And we decided not to talk about it until after the summer.’
‘I can’t wait that long. If I get a job at a school it would start at the end of summer. I’d have to be out there in August.’
I turn off the TV. ‘So now it’s August? That’s when you’re leaving?’ I get up and walk to the kitchen. ‘So staying here for the summer was really just June and July.’
‘Jason, you know how it works. You’re a teacher.’
I open the fridge. ‘Do you want something to eat? We didn’t have much for dinner.’
She comes over to me. ‘Why are you doing this? Why won’t you talk to me about this?’
‘Because it wasn’t supposed to happen yet.’ I shut the fridge door and turn to face her. ‘The summer wasn’t supposed to end in a few weeks.’
‘It won’t. We have the rest of June, all of July, and part of August.’
‘Unless this place hires you and wants you out there now.’
‘And what if that happens? What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know. I need more time.’
She throws her hands up. ‘How much time do you need? If you love me and want us to be a family, then why won’t you go with me to Boston?’
‘Because that’s not where I want to live. It’s not where I want to raise a family. Mia, we could have a good life here.’
‘Jason, we’ve been over this a million times. I need to take care of my parents. I want to. I may only have a few years left with them.’
‘I’m going to the store.’ I grab my keys and walk to the door.
‘That’s it? You’re just leaving?’
‘There’s nothing more to say. And staying here is just going to lead to us fighting.’
‘You said you wouldn’t pull away from me again. But here we are, a month into this, and you’re leaving.’
She’s right. Why do I keep doing this?
I know why. It’s because I love her so damn much that I can’t handle the thought of her leaving. I don’t want to talk about it or think about it. I just want to run away and pretend it isn’t happening.
The way to fix this is to go with her to Boston, but I can’tmake myself do it. I’m not there yet. I love Mia, but I also love my family and the life I have here.
Coming back inside, I walk up to her and take her in my arms. ‘I’m sorry. We’ll keep working on this, okay?’
We don’t talk about the job or moving away for the rest of the night. But it was a reminder that this is happening. I can’t keep pretending it’s not. I have to make a decision and I have to do it soon.
* * *
‘I’m done.’ Darren hands me his quiz. ‘Can I go now?’
I look over the quiz. ‘You only answered half the questions.’
‘That’s all I could do.’
