Page 13 of Protect My Heart
‘No,’ I say, laughing ‘How could I have feelings for him? I only spent a few hours with him.’
‘Yeah, I don’t know why I asked. It’s just that for a minute there I got this feeling that maybe you felt something for him, but that doesn’t make sense. You barely know the guy.’
‘I wouldn’t say that. I mean, we talked for hours that night. It wasn’t just .?.?. you know .?.?. sex. We actually have a lot in common.’
‘Just teaching. That’s it, right?’
‘There were other things.’
‘Like what?’
My mind drifts back to that night. When I got to the ballroom at the hotel, I couldn’t find my table. A woman noticed me searching for it and directed me where to go. When I saw Jason, my heart skipped a beat. He was so incredibly handsome, sitting there in his suit and tie. He was talking to someone and when he smiled, I found myself smiling too. He has one of those smiles that’s contagious. I smiled a lot that night. He did too.
‘Mia?’ Nora waves her hand in front of me. ‘You still with me?’
‘Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?’
‘Forget it. I have to go.’ She gets up. ‘Want to grab a drink later? Oh, wait, you can’t. I keep forgetting that.’ She motions to me. ‘Probably because you still look like that. Shouldn’t you be showing by now?’
‘The articles I’ve read said everyone’s different.’ I look down at my boobs. ‘These are definitely bigger. I had to get a new bra.’
‘I guess that’s one perk of being pregnant.’ She walks to the door. ‘Maybe we can meet up later for dinner.’
‘Probably not. I’m counseling until nine.’
‘Why so late?’
‘It’s that time of year. Finals week increases anxiety, depression, drinking. I’ve got one student convinced her parents will disown her if she doesn’t get all A’s this semester. She’s studying so much she’s not sleeping.’
‘Are you sure you should be working this much? I thought you were going to slow down.’
‘I will. I just need to get through this week.’
‘Maybe it’s good Jason didn’t get back to you. You should stay here this weekend and get some rest. You don’t have to tell him this week.’ Her phone alarm goes off. ‘That’s my reminder to get to class. I’ll talk to you later.’
When she’s gone I consider what she said about waiting to tell Jason the news. I could, but then I’ll just keep worrying about telling him. I’d rather just do it. He needs to know. This is his child too and I don’t feel right waiting to tell him. If he tells me he doesn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life, I’ll understand. But I don’t think he’ll want that. He loves children as much as I do.
On my way back to my desk, I stop next to the wall of pamphlets, the ones we give out to students. I take out the one that says ‘Could you be pregnant?’. There’s an image of a teenage girl on it, looking confused as she holds her stomach.
I’ve given this pamphlet to several girls I’ve counseled. I’ve talked to them about it, gone over the symptoms. So how did I go all those months without knowing I was pregnant?
I thought I had the flu. I was tired. I kept throwing up. I didn’t even consider I might be pregnant. All the signs were there—the same signs that are in the pamphlet—and yet I didn’t put it together.
Putting the pamphlet back, I notice the one next to it aboutbirth control. Jason and I didn’t use protection that night. How could we be that careless? I’m always reminding students to be careful, and yet that night, I didn’t follow my own advice. I’d been drinking, so that’s part of the reason, but it’s not a good one. I should’ve known better.
‘Ms. Daniels?’
I turn and see Kirk standing at the door, his hair a mess and wearing wrinkled clothes that look like they came from the dirty clothes pile.
‘You’re early,’ I say, giving him a smile.
‘Actually, I’m here to cancel my appointment.’
I walk up to him. ‘Do you want to reschedule?’
‘No.’ He rubs his hand over his face, then through his messy hair.
‘Kirk, is something wrong?’
