Page 40 of Absinthe Dreams
"I…" Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, her expression conflicted. And I feel that shit in my soul, threatening to tear it into pieces. "I don't know," she finally whispers. "Once they know, everything changes."
"You don't want it to change."
"I…" Her shoulders bounce in a helpless shrug. "Maybe I just don't want anyone to get hurt."
"You thinking about leaving me, Coco?"
"No. Of course not," she says. "I just…what about Jax and Jade?"
"Shit," I mutter, my brows furrowing. "You think us being together will keep them apart?"
"I don't know. Maybe." She curls up against me with a sigh. "It's obvious that he's in love with her."
"Yeah, he is." I stroke my hand down her back. "But us being together has nothing to do with them. Jax has to figure that shit out on his own."
Will me being with Chloe make shit awkward since she's Jade's sister? Maybe. But at this point, shit is already awkward. It's already complicated. We can't keep carrying it for everyone. That shit clearly hasn't worked for anyone, least of all for us or Jax and Jade.
"They'll figure out their shit when they're ready, baby," I murmur to her.
"I know. I just want to enjoy this before the whole world starts finding reasons to keep us apart."
"You mean your dad and brother."
Her head jerks in a nod, her expression rife with guilt. "I don't want them to be mad at you," she whispers. "I don't want anyone to lose anything here."
"Princess, your brother and dad will love you no matter what," I murmur, threading my hand into her hair to tip her head back. "You think they'd quit if you told them that you're with me now?"
"No. I'm afraid they'll stop loving you," she whispers, her eyes watery. "I don't want them to hate you, Trystan. They've always been your family, too. I don't want to be the reason you and Wyatt stop being friends, or the reason my dad stops liking you. Or the reason you and Jax fall out."
"Hey." I rest my forehead against hers, holding her against me. "That isn't going to happen, Coco. We're both adults. We make our own decisions. And your dad and brother aren't going to hate me for…" I almost say the words, almost tell her that I love her, but I hesitate at the last second. When I tell her, I don'twant it to be in the middle of a conversation about our family situation. I want it to be solely about her, about us, and what we're building here. "Being with you."
"They might."
"They won't," I say, conviction in my voice. Unfortunately, that's about the only place I feel it at the moment, because she's not wrong. My dad may think everything will work out fine, but I know this very well could end with me forced to choose between her and her brother. It could end with Jax never claiming his girl. I can't tell the future. All I know is that there is no choice as far as I'm concerned. It'llalwaysbe her. But that doesn't mean making it won't hurt like hell or shake the foundations of both of our families.
The last thing I want to do is tear apart a good thing. But…I'm not willing to give her up, either. Not now, not ever. She's finally where she belongs.
If that isn't worth a little risk, what is?
When Chloe wanders insideto shower an hour later, I'm still thinking about Jax and Jade. It's hard not to consider them in all of this. Jax is my brother. Jade is her sister. It's fucking complicated all the way around.
And Jax and I have carefully avoided discussing it for years, like we could just pretend the problem didn't exist by ignoring it. Except that shit hasn't ever worked, and I'm tired of acting like doing nothing will change a goddamn thing.
I pull my phone out, dialing his number.
"Why the fuck are you up so early?" he growls on the second ring. "Aren't you supposed to be on vacation?"
"I'm dogsitting, you dick. That's not vacation."
"Right. Chilling on the couch in your boxers while Thanos snores sounds like so much work."
"Man, fuck you," I say, laughing quietly. "You're such a dick."
"Whatever. You called me. What do you want? If it's something to do with Bastian, the answer is no. He's not even here right now."
"Where the fuck is he?" I ask, brows furrowed.
"Los Angeles, trying to convince Constance to come back."
