Page 43 of Absinthe Dreams
Shuffling sounds down the line, and then I hear my mom's voice in my ear.
"Hey, baby girl!"
"Hey." I swallow hard. "I'm sorry I worried you when I ran off."
"Hey," she practically croons to me, as gentle and forgiving as ever. "It's okay, Clo-bug. Sometimes, we need space to figure things out ourselves without everyone else chiming in."
I'm not entirely sure if she's talking about the Donny situation…or Trystan. "Yeah," I whisper anyway. "I guess we do."
"You're doing okay now? Trystan is taking care of you?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. And he's been fine. Good."
"Then I'm happy for you," she says without pushing me to give more than I'm ready to give. And maybe that's what has me so ready to tell her everything.
"Mama, I…" I expel a sharp breath. "You know, don't you? The way I feel about him, I mean."
"Yeah, Clo. I know. It's been written all over your face for a long time."
"Does Dad know?"
"I think he's figuring it out."
"Is he mad?"
"Of course not," she says, like she's surprised. "Why would you even think that?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm just worried that everyone will think we're tearing the family apart or something. I don't know." That's not entirely it, though. It's more…Trystan has been my deepest, darkest secret for most of my life. Telling everyone feels a little like letting them into a place that's always been reserved only for him.
I'm selfish and I don't want to share, especially when I finally know what it's like to be anusinstead of just a wish. I want to hang onto that feeling for as long as possible instead of letting anyone else inside. I don't want them to rock the boat. I don't want anyone to have a say. I just want…him. The same way and with the same desperation I've always felt.
"Love could never do that, baby girl," my mom says gently. "He's been part of our family for a long time. That won't change just because the parameters of your relationship do. We'll simply get to love him in a new way, as a son."
"Mom," I whisper, tears springing to my eyes.
"There's no rush, sweet girl," she says. "You two take all the time you want. Just know that we're all cheering for you. We're all right here waiting for you. And no one is going to be mad at either of you."
"Wyatt might."
"He'll get over it. He always does when it comes to you girls."
I smile because she's right. Wyatt has never been able to hold a grudge for long. My sisters and I wear him down every time. Probably because he lets us. He hates being mad at us as much as we hate it when he's mad at us.
The reminder gives me a little of the courage I've been lacking for the last couple of days. The ground feels like it's solidifying beneath my feet again. And I let myself hope, perhaps for thefirst time, that Trystan and I can have a future without it changing everything.
That's what I want, more than anything.
Alittle after six,I'm in the passenger seat of his truck with his hand laced with mine. I have no idea where we're going. He won't tell me, but he's grinning like he doesn't have a care in the world.
"Not even a tiny hint?" I plead.
"Nope." He grins over at me, his eyes light. "You'll just have to see when we get there."
"You're no fun."
"And you're terrible with surprises," he retorts softly.
I turn my face to the window to hide a smile. He's right. I am terrible with surprises. Who has the patience for all of that? Definitely not me. I want to know everything immediately. How else are you supposed to plan?
