Page 49 of Built to Last
All the lights are off and there’s no sound coming from inside the workshop. My heart sinks. He’s not here. Anger bubbles up inside me like lava. I came over ready to talk things out, I brought fuckingapologytreats even though we werebothin the wrong andhe is not here. Worse than that, he didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me he wouldn’t be home so now I’m left feeling like an idiot.
I pace in front of the garage doors, unsure of what to do. Wanting advice, I put the drink tray on the ground and pull out my phone for the first time since leaving Bel’s flat this morning, only to see a text from Phillip waiting for me.
Phillip:
I’m doing some odd-jobs for a past customer, will be gone for the whole day. Not sure if you’re planning on coming over to work or not, but I didn’t want the idea of me being here to put you off, I know there’s still a lot of detail you want to add to the set. I’ve left the inside door unlocked so you can get through to the workshop. Talk soon.
I stare at the screen, not sure how to feel. Obviously, I’m annoyed Phillip is hiding instead of facing this head-on but isn’t that what I did yesterday? I can also understand the desire to have a full day to cool off before we hash things out. I do feel a bit snippy that he didn’t tell me sooner that he’d be gone, but it’s not his fault I didn’t check my phone earlier this morning. At least he’s not leaving me totally high and dry like I’d thought.
There’s only one thing for it I guess. I fish out the spare key and go inside. Making a beeline straight for the kitchen, I dumpPhillip’s drink down the sink. It’s a shame to waste it, but no way do I need a third cup of coffee in less than two hours. Also, I’m feeling a little petty and tossing his drink makes me feel better.
It’s weird being in the workshop without him. The large space feels cavernous and too quiet without his bright presence to fill it. Deciding nobody ever has to know, I turn on his stupid speaker for company. Playing music only makes me feel worse—it just isn’t the same without him humming along. Working in silence it is. I disconnect my phone from the speaker, deciding to pretend the moment of weakness never happened.
I go through the motions of my usual routine, setting out everything I need for the day. Afterwards, I sink onto my chair to drink my latte before it gets cold. Somehow, Violet’s coffee doesn’t taste as good now I’m stuck drinking it alone. Loneliness sets in as I sit staring at the set pieces before me. There are only a couple of weeks’ worth of work left to do. Then the project will be finished. Swiping at a stray tear, surprised I have any left in me, I wonder if this means Phillip and I will be over then too. His message said we’ll talk soon but he didn’t give me any indication that he wants to work things out. Determined not to waste the entire day worrying about something I can’t control, I dry my eyes, finish my drink, and get to work.
After a surprisingly productive day, I take the cowards’ way out and pack up earlier than usual. The last thing I want is to still be here when Phillip gets home and have him think I was waiting for him. He made it clear that he does not want to see me today and I will respect that even if I don’t like it. Leaving early helps make sure we don’t end up in the same room before we’re ready.
The sky is still a dull grey that matches my mood but the storm is finally over. Aria texted me at lunch saying the weather forecast had confirmed it. Fortunately, the overflow from the river never went past the field at the bottom of the hill our street is on, so all the homes are safe. There’s nothing stopping mefrom going back home to the flat tonight. Since I should still have enough time before he’ll be home, I go into Phillip’s room and pack up the rest of my stuff until there’s no sign I was ever staying here. Downstairs I scribble out a quick note for Phillip, explaining that I’ve grabbed my things and am going back home. I leave the scrap of paper on the kitchen counter next to the bag containing the pastry I got him. After locking the front door I linger, debating posting the key through the letterbox. My heart squeezes at the thought and I decide to hold onto it for now. I might need it if Phillip’s out again tomorrow. It makes sense to keep it until I know for sure.
Phillip
The house is silent and still when I arrive home. Sending Rose a text was a cop-out, I know that, but I was still hurt that she didn’t trust me. Truthfully, I think taking a day to let emotions settle was the best thing for both of us. I didn’t exactly keep my cool yesterday afternoon either.
Flicking on the lights in the kitchen I spot a paper bag from Snug on the counter. A look inside reveals a cinnamon swirl and my mouth waters at the sight of the flaky pastry covered with a glistening drizzle of icing. The scent of cinnamon and sugar wafts up to meet me making my stomach growl. Guilt settles heavy in my gut and I close the bag. Rose came here with a peace offering in the form of my favourite pastry and I wasn’t here. If I’d given in and messaged her last night, she would have known I wouldn’t be here long before going to the effort of bringing something over.
Frustrated with myself for screwing up again, I slump onto one of the stools at the counter. My sigh sends a scrap of paper fluttering to the ground. Picking it up, I see it’s a note from Rose.
The realisation that she’s taken all her stuff and left hits me like a punch to the gut. I know she wasn’t living here for real, but to go from imagining that future for us to her leaving in the space of only a couple of days is throwing me for a loop.I have to fix this.
Me:
Thank you for the pastry. Sorry I wasn’t here to accept it in person. I’m glad you’ve got the all-clear to go back to your flat.
I add that I’ll miss having her here but delete the admission. It’s not fair for me to put that on her when my mistake is the reason she’s gone. The text is kind of pathetic, but I’m not sure what else to say so I press send, hoping for the best. Three dots dance on my screen and Rose’s reply comes through a moment later.
Raincloud:
You’re welcome. And thanks.
Will I see you tomorrow?
Feeling like even more of an ass for making her feel like she needs to ask that, I respond immediately.
Me:
Yes. I need to finish up what I couldn’t get to on my client’s list, so I’ll be out in the morning but I’ll be back for the afternoon. Can I make you dinner tomorrow so we can talk?
I’m sorry for avoiding you today.
Raincloud:
I understand why you did. Dinner sounds good, see you tomorrow.
While answering my texts is a good sign, I can’t help but notice she didn’t actually accept my apology. Was that intentional or am I reading too much into it? Either way, I’m determined to make things right between us and I am prepared to do some major grovelling to make that happen.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Rose
