Page 126 of Cold-Blooded Creatures
“You don’t think it’s wrong? That I’m a bad person?”
“Not the slightest bit. You’re human. Come here.”
Right as she welcomed my embrace, our legs slipped on the wet ground, and we fell onto our sides. Dew and dirt drenched our clothes and hair as mud slithered under our nails.
“I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.” I wiped a happy tear as we cleaned ourselves up as best we could and pretended grime didn’t paint us in streaks. “But you don’t have to keep the baby. We have schools, not like in the city, but proper ones, you know that. Many children grow up there. If that’s not enough, you can move to Damia’s or Conall’s compounds to be farther away. You don’t have to live here. Jayla came here from Damia’s place andyou can do it too. Just tell me. Day or night, I don’t care. Barge into my room and say you want to leave. I’ll take you myself.”
“I’m not going into your room. I really don’t want to see Zion or Gedeon naked.” Giggling, she picked the crusting dirt off her coat. “They’re scary enough as they are.”
My own laughter ebbed. “I can understand that. The naked part. But you shouldn’t feel nervous around them.”
“It’s just…you’re so like them.”
“Arrogant? Crazy?”
“Strong.”
If only she knew the truth. The pretty, the ugly, the damned, and none of the holy.
She cupped her swelling belly and whispered, “Aren’t you afraid of them hurting you?”
“Hurting me?”
“I was walking to the kitchen for a snack last night and heard your voice through the closed door. And then a dull thud, like someone hitting a table.” Her whisper dropped to such a low level I could barely hear it. “I know how it goes. It hurts.”
A knife sliced at my ribs. My heart shriveled like a withered maple leaf. Sand manifesting out of her conclusion dried out my eyes.
A green band had used to hang on her wrist—a property tag. And nobody in the city cared what the owners did to their…things.
No words could erase her past. So I barked at my instincts to shove it, and chose the route of acknowledgment, the safest option I could come up with.
“I understand what you mean, Malaya. I won’t say it doesn’t stir up my hatred toward Ilasall and all it stands for, or that I don’t want to hug you—I won’t, not unless you’re okay with it—and hide you under my bed where no one can reach you and you’re protected, but I will say this. I may have worn a blackband in the city, but your experiences are not yours alone.Youare not alone. Ask Eislyn. There’s a reason she’s into medicine.
“But to ease your fear, they weren’t doing anything I didn’t like. Yes, they are rough, but I like it. And no, it’s not because it’s familiar to me. It’s because I trust them. I know they will stop if I ask, and I know they will make sure I’m good. They take care of me. And someone hitting the table thing? That was Gedeon. He does it right before he loses control and, well, I won’t embarrass you with more information.”
Her cheeks pinkened, and she pulled her wool coat tighter around her chest, her voice a tiny bit louder. “They’re really good to you? You actually like them?”
“They… They make me smile.” I leaned on my elbows and observed the stars lose the rhythm of their glimmers. “I like how they make me feel and how it feels to be around them. I mean, Gedeon is a possessive and controlling bastard and Zion is as insane as they get, but I don’t know… Somehow, it works.” A star caught my attention, its glints as faint and murky as whatever it was that determined how you felt. “It’s hard to describe. It’s like you’re falling, but you know they’re there to catch you.”
Yes, they were both a bit mad, but I was far from sane myself. I’d been uprooted from my life and hurled into another because of the two men whose words scrambled my mind, mouths marked me in bruises, and touches sent my senses haywire.
It resembled a giant puzzle. Like the pieces I had were right, but I couldn’t see the whole picture because I didn’t know where to put them. How to connect them.
“I get that.” She wiggled her feet hidden in the warmest boots I could find for her. “Not knowing things. It sucks.”
“It does.”
Minutes passed as we gaped at the sky. I thanked the gods for mesmerizing her enough to forget everything for the time being. Seventeen and pregnant, assigned at the auction to a partnerwho controlled her food intake, and rescued from him by a pure accident of me meeting her in the bakery and then that grocery store.
It truly sucked.
“I’ll come back for you in half an hour,” I said as I got up, then made my way to the tree line. She needed some time alone.
I’d invited her to join us at the girls’ night we had after we’d bugged Ava enough to agree to host it despite her victory against us during the knife-throwing lesson. Malaya’s decline had been like a kick to my gut. It would’ve done her good.
We’d spent the night devouring a giant tub of chocolate ice cream Ava had produced from somewhere and sharing gossip. Our stomachs had bloated, and we’d lain spread over each other on Ava’s bed and the floor, teasing Jayla about seeing her on her knees in the hall the night of my tattoo. She’d hidden her blush under a blanket as Ava didn’t hold back, much to Jayla’s chagrin. And our joy.
I ducked under a low branch as I strolled deeper into the forest. I’d never spent a night with friends before. It was the best.
