Page 71 of Cold-Blooded Creatures
Drip.
You left all of them behind.
Drip.
She suffers because of you.
Drip.
They all suffer because of you.
No, I wanted to shout at them.
But I had left her behind. I’d left everyone behind.
In the clearing, I fell on all fours and gagged. Air whooshed in and out of my chest so quickly my head spun. The blanket of greenery leeched the last drops of my energy, and I slumped, rolling onto my back. Nature’s moisture coating my exposed legs, waist, and arms elicited shivers to slither up my spine, and I welcomed them.
No stars shone in the night sky, and I knew,I knewthe clouds had decided to harbor the gods. I had fallen from theirranks. Because how could a spineless human be worth standing among them?
A guttural scream erupted from deep in my throat, and my neck arched as it ripped me apart and filled the otherwise quiet expanse.
I’d had a plan. A way. An opportunity. A chance for revenge. On the rulers of Ilasall. On myself.
I could’ve poisoned them all. I could’ve given the people an opening to overthrow the government. I could’ve plucked Alora out of our vile city. I could’ve blown life into her. The same one I’d stolen from her. Just like I’d been stolen by Gedeon and Zion. Snatched out of my life.
Yet I stayed. For days and nights, I slept in their bed, ate their food, talked with their friends. Had laughed like I’d done with Alora during our childhoods, quivered when they’d touched me, and not from fear, and dared to dream of more than this miserable life.
Had the nerve to think I deserved more.
When the first tear reached my temple, I counted.
One. I was rotten. I had effectively destroyed the closest person in my life. And she’d kept the secret to herself. Hadn’t revealed it to a single soul. She’d paid for my freedom. At thirteen-years-old. And so, during the next thirteen years, I’d survived in relative freedom.
Two. Two people had utterly erased my previous life, my dreams, and my goals. They made my hands tremble and my teeth ache and my blood boil.
Three. I’d never felt safe in my life, not before I’d been brought here.
Four. I’d never felt so free as these last days.
Five. I’d never trusted anyone. And trust flowed with each person’s name here, their kind words, and bright smiles.
Six. I’d forgotten the promise I’d made to Alora.It’s all going to be okay. We’ll be okay.
Seven. I didn’t want to go back.
Eight. I wanted to stay.
Nine. I wanted to live.
Ten. I was broken.
I had to be.
What could I be otherwise?
A coward,a flickering star of a god answered as the clouds parted on their command.
An atrocity, the wind brushed its murmurs over my damp skin, the chill pricking me like a mass of needles.
