Page 37 of Mistletoe Omega
“I don’t think we’ll fail. I just feel better knowing if we did, I have a strategy.”
“I can’t believe you actually think you need an exit strategy.” He rolled some newspaper, and tucked it under the logs, then he broke some kindling and placed it in the fireplace. “Wow. I feel kind of stupid right now.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m all in.” He lit a match and held it to the newspaper. After a few seconds some orange flames flared, and he closed the screen. He stared at the fire, resting his arms on his knee. “I’m a hundred percent in, even though you’re carrying another guy’s baby. I wonder what that says about me?”
“I don’t understand why you’re upset.”
He glanced at me, his eyes full of frustration. “Because I’ve opened myself up to you completely. My heart, my home, my trust. But you don’t do that. You need a backup plan. Committed people don’t do that, Sam. People who get married don’t usually have an escape route. If you feel you require that, then you’re essentially saying; I need this plan forwhenwe fail.”
I blew out a long, tired breath, and I sat on the arm of the couch. “Okay. I get what you’re saying.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I think it’s worried me a little that you accepted this situation so quickly.”
He frowned. “Would you have felt better if I’d kicked you out?”
“No. Of course not.”
He sighed. “I accepted the circumstances swiftly because the alternative of losing you wasn’t acceptable to me. Maybe it’s my age. I’m not a kid. I’ve experienced loss. I understand that if you have something of value, you don’t fuck around and risk losing it, just because everything isn’t perfect. Because what in life is perfect, Sam?”
His anger made me uneasy. “Nothing.”
“Exactly.” He stood and held my gaze. “But what we have is damn near perfect. Do I wish you weren’t carrying some other alpha’s baby? Yes. But I want to be with you. And that means I either accept the hand I’ve been dealt, or move on.” He swallowed. “Judging by your faith in what we have, maybe I made the wrong choice.”
My stomach dropped. “Don’t say that.”
“Why not? You’re planning ahead for when we fail.”
I stared at him, feeling sick. “I was just doing what I always do.”
“I’d hoped what we had was different. I’m not like Tim or the other guys you’ve been with, that treated you like shit. You don’t need to be prepared for the worst with me. Don’t you know that?”
As I listened to him, I knew he was right. I’d been trying to protect myself. I’d assumed we might crash and burn because I didn’t feel worthy of Graham. I couldn’t quite comprehend why he was even with me.
“You’re right,” I whispered.
He looked surprised by my response, but he didn’t speak.
I stared down at my clasped hands. “I don’t understand what’s in this for you.”
He frowned. “What?”
“Being with me. I don’t see why you’d stay. Not long term.” I flicked my nervous gaze to his. “You could have anyone. Why are you with me?”
“Why?” He scowled. “Why am I with you?” He moved slowly toward me.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “It makes no logical sense.”
“Sam… because I love you. You make me happy. You make me laugh. I love being around you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He tensed his jaw. “Even if you decide to take your escape hatch and leave me… I’ll love you until the day I die.”
My eyes stung at the raw emotion in his voice. I lunged forward and kissed him. He seemed taken aback at first, but then his mouth opened and he groaned, pulling me tight. Our tongues tangled, and we wrapped around each other. When the kiss ended, I panted, “Me too. I love you so much, Graham. Fuck having a backup plan. I’m in this too. A hundred thousand percent.”
He kissed me again, smiling against my lips. “That’s a lot.”
“It doesn’t even seem like a big enough number.”
His expression sobered. “Please don’t doubt what we have.”
“I won’t. Not anymore.”
