Page 26 of Married to Murder
“I know. Oh, that reminds me, I have a house in mind I’d like to rent. But I’d like you to look at it and be sure you like it too.”
He frowned. “Oh, you should just rent whatever you want.”
“What?” I gave him a confused look. “But we’re both going to live there.”
His jaw clenched. “I’ll probably just stay at the shop mostly.”
I stopped walking, and he did too. “Really?”
“Is that a problem?” He squinted.
Was it? It shouldn’t have been. This was a marriage of convenience, not an actual relationship. I didn’t really have the right to feel bent out of shape because he didn’t want to live with a stranger. With me.
He looked uneasy. “I… just figured it would be easier to keep things mostly how they are. We did say separate lives.”
“Yeah, I know. But… if you’re never there, people will probably catch on that this isn’t a real marriage. That won’t make Grandma too happy.” Since when had I lived my life worried about what she thought? Other than the inheritance problem, I hadn’t exactly run my life based on her needs.
“I mean, I’ll stay there sometimes… if you want. I just thought you’d probably want your space.”
“More like you want yours.” I hated when those accusing words slipped out. I cleared my throat. “Not that that’s a problem. I just didn’t realize you weren’t going to be around the house much. If you’d told me that I could have been looking for a way smaller house.”
The wind blew his hair into his eyes, and he pushed it away impatiently. “Maybe you should just tell me exactly what you want. Because I thought you said we’d each have our own lives.”
My face warmed. “I also said we’d have to live together.”
His mouth tensed. “I plan on your place being my legal home address.”
“But you’ll never be there?”
He crossed his arms. “Look, I didn’t realize this was a sticking point for you. If you want me there… just tell me. I can sleep there when you’re in town for appearances’ sake, but otherwise I’d rather be at my shop.”
“Fine. I don’t really care. I was just surprised, that’s all.” I was embarrassed that I’d let him see his absence would bother me.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Could I be any more clingy?
We started walking in the direction of the restaurant again. I could feel his confusion radiating off him, and I felt bad. He was getting mixed messages from me because my emotions were all over the place. I didn’t know what to feel about this weird situation. I’d said I didn’t want a relationship, and now I realized my feelings for Seth were way stronger than I liked. That was very foolish on my part.
He could easily be seeing someone else whenever I wasn’t in town. I didn’t think he was just because he’d made a point of saying he hadn’t dated much. But who knew, maybe now that he was going to have money he’d want to start dating. He’d have to be discreet, as I would be if I wanted to date anyone. But the part that worried me the most was I had zero desire to date anyone else. I just wanted to be around Seth more, and I had no idea if he felt that way or not.
I sucked in a steadying breath. “I’m sorry.”
He glanced over, his expression unreadable. “For what?”
“For confusing you.”
He didn’t speak right away, but when he did, he chose his words carefully. “You know… I’m thrown off by whatever this is between us, just like you.”
“Are you? Because you seem much better at handling it.”
He chuffed. “No. I’m just trying to find a balance.”
“You love balance.”
“Yeah, I do. It’s the only way to stay sane.” He pushed his hands in his pockets. “I need balance in my life. I… I haven’t always had that, and I don’t want to go back to that… person.”
I frowned, uncertain of what he could mean.
He sighed. “I like being with you. That isn’t why I was planning on staying at my shop. It’s not you.”
