Page 35 of Tide and Seek
When he lifted his head, he said, “We should probably finish the inventory list.”He sighed.“We need to get it over with.”
“Or…” I smirked.“We could go upstairs and inventory what’s in my pants.”
Royce laughed, looking surprised.“That’s a decidedly un-Thornton-like thing to say, Max.”
I couldn’t help laughing too because he was right.“That’s because when I’m with you, I don’t feel like a Thornton.I… I feel alive.I… I feel happy.That’s all because of you.”
His smile was a little poignant as he said, “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”
Once more I got the feeling there was something bothering him, but he was holding back.“Royce,” I said softly.“If there’s anything you want to talk about, you can.God knows you listen to me enough.I’d hate to think you don’t realize you can tell me anything.”
He pressed his lips, avoiding my gaze.“Oh, I’m just in my head a bit lately.”
“Okay.”I nodded as if I understood what he meant, but then added, “What… what does that mean exactly?”
He smiled.“It means I’m overthinking things and acting like a fool.”
I studied him.He was trying to make light of things, but instinctively I knew I should push a little.If something was worrying him, I wanted to fix it.“What kind of things are you overthinking?Is it about us?”
He pinched the skin between his eyes and gave a self-conscious laugh.“God, this just isn’t like me.”He dropped his hand, shame glinting in his eyes.“Yeah, it’s about us.”
“What is it?”Uneasiness fluttered through me.“Is it bad?”
“It’s not bad.”He hesitated.“If… if I’m honest, Max, I’ve been feeling a little insecure.That’s not like me and I’ve hated every second of it.”
I frowned.“Insecure?About what?My love?”
He sighed.“Not exactly.I know you love me.I guess I just worry sometimes you might regret giving up this life to be with me in Rainy Dale.It’s not unreasonable for you to maybe regret leaving this all behind.”
I blinked at him.“Leave all what behind?Loneliness?Working too hard?”
“Come on, Max, you know what I mean.”
“No, I really don’t.”I frowned.“Do you mean the stuff money can buy?Because if that’s what you mean, I promise you, it falls far short of what I have with you in Rainy Dale.”
He studied me, looking skeptical.
“Have I not made things clear enough?”I wrinkled my brow.“I’m not always the best about saying how I feel.Maybe I should have been more vocal about my feelings.Especially if you’re questioning how I feel about you.About us.”
“I know you love me, Max—”
“Yes, but I don’t think you understand what loving you means to me.”I swallowed hard.“The truth is I… I never even knew what happiness felt like until we got together.You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m really not.Happiness wasn’t anything I even thought about.Certainly not in my personal life.”
He said nothing, his face tense.
“My father pushed me to be the best.To succeed at all costs.But the reality is, all the money, power, and prestige I had, it didn’t make me happy.”I winced.“God, that sounds so cliché, but it’s true.I liked that I was really good at my job, but I had no personal life.I never looked forward to anything.It wouldn’t have occurred to me to do that.I didn’t even realize how empty my life was until I moved to Rainy Dale.Or, more to the point, until I met you.”
“But you’d leave Rainy Dale if we weren’t together,” he said.
“Yes,” I rasped.“Of course I would.I’m not there because I love Rainy Dale.I’m there because I love you.I want to be where you are.I don’t care if that’s in Rainy Dale or Siberia, you’re the thing I need to be near.You’re the source of my happiness.”
“Am I, Max?”
I squinted at him.“How can you not see that?”
“But,” he began softly, “I can’t give you fancy dinners, beach houses, first-class tickets.I wouldn’t want you to wake up one day and regret being with me.”
I scowled.“You’re far more likely to do that than me.”
