Page 25 of Shame Me
“My bad,” he said to me before shifting his eyes back to Zack. “I’ve brought my woman with me on occasion.”
How I’d wished I was Zack’s woman…but he quashed that notion as well. “She’s our drummer.”
“No way!” said one of the other guys in the band.
“Yeah, and I kick ass.” I hoped they took my meaning in more ways than one. But that told me that, even though Jon had said he wanted to collaborate with our band, he clearly had never seen us play live and likely hadn’t watched any of the fan videos posted online.
At least he didn’t double down on his asshat-ery like the last guy had. He said, “I’ve heard that—I just didn’t know you were a girl.” If I hadn’t felt defensive, I would have asked if he was saying he’d heard our band was good or me specifically. I was pretty sure he was talking about Once Upon a Riot.
But it was thanks to all the unwanted attention about the fact that I was female—and not about my skills as a drummer—that made me try even more. And I decided that I would play harder than ever before tonight to prove my worth.
Although this was the first time I’d been mistaken for a groupie or a roadie, it wasn’t the last, and it wasn’t the first time I’d been discounted—but the more I played, the more confidence I had in my abilities, and tonight was another chance to prove myself.
As the newest kids on the block, we went first. I was in complete awe—because even though we’d been playing bigger crowds, this one blew them all away. Even the stage was a step above the places we’d been playing. And the crowd gave me more energy that translated into a better performance. I thought of flashy drummers, guys who were fun to watch, like Shannon Larkin, Fred Coury, and Keith Moon, and other guys who had showy set ups on some tours, like Tommy Lee and Joey Jordison, and wondered if I should start practicing to be more entertaining. Or would it be better if I just quietly did my job like I always had?
By the end of the show, I was sweaty but excited, because I knew without a doubt that this was one of the best shows we’d ever performed in our short career. The guys knew it too.
After getting our equipment offstage, we took it out to the van and then, before the second band even began playing, we went to our respective dressing rooms. The four of us planned to meet up in fifteen minutes to head out to the auditorium—but I wanted to take a quick shower. As I did, I smiled to myself that this was the first dressing room I’d been in where I felt like an actual star.
I could get used to this.
When I got dressed again, I tucked my panties in my backpack, not wanting to put the dirty things back on, and madea mental note. From now on, I’d bring a change of clothes just in case I got the chance to shower at future venues. In the hallway, I headed toward the guys’ dressing room since they weren’t in the hall as we’d planned. I was not going to be happy if they’d gone out front without me.
As I approached their dressing room, though, I heard voices coming from an open door. One voice I didn’t recognize at all. When I peeked my head inside the door, Zack waved me in—but the guy my bandmates were talking to had his back to me until that moment. He gave me a nod and paused what he’d been saying to the guys. “Hi. I was just telling your colleagues that you all came highly recommended by one of the other bands on our label.”
Braden, excitement dancing in his chocolate eyes, said to me, “Fully Automatic.”
As the man continued talking, I noticed that the guys were all holding in their hands what turned out to be the guy’s business cards. “Anyway, I honestly don’t know if we’re looking for another heavy metal band—but when I talk to my higher ups, I can report that you’re all definitely talented. You’ve got stage presence and confidence, and you get the audience involved. I think you’d be a good addition to our lineup.”
I couldn’t read Zack’s expression, but he didn’t seem too happy about it. Obviously, I’d missed something. “What do we need to do to get the ball rolling?”
“Barring any changes, nothing. I’ll talk to the powers that be and, if they’re interested, they’ll contact you.”
“I can give you my cell number,” Zack said.
Although the man put it in his phone, he seemed like he was in a hurry to leave—and, when he did, I asked, “Why didn’t they act like this is a good thing?”
Braden said, “I told you guys Fully Automatic wouldn’t let us down.”
“No, but their label is fucked.”
Even before I asked what he meant, I could see in Braden’s eyes that he agreed. Cy said, “He was just giving us lip service. If Fully Automatic ever asks the label, they can say they sent somebody.”
Zack said to me, “He told us it would be easier to sell us to the label if we were all male.”
“What? That’s bullshit.”
“Yeah. And I told him that. We come as a full package—and I hope you guys, Cy, Braden, agree with me. Dani’s part of our team and we either make or break it together.”
“Did you remind him that Pop Evil, Code Orange—”
“We didn’t even get there, Dani. You came in before we could grill him about his attitude.”
Cy said, “He pretty much clammed up when you showed up.”
“And that’s why he didn’t giveyouhis card,” Zack said, dropping it so it fell to the floor. “I’m gonna shower.”
I glanced at the stiff paper he’d tossed on the ground. The man’s title wasA&R Representative. I had no idea what that meant and decided I didn’t care. “But wait,” I said, pausing until Zack turned around, already opening the door to the tiny bathroom.
