Page 28 of Shame Me
All of us had fallen into a rhythm, partly because of our jobs. We all worked at various times of the day. I usually worked early mornings, although I was called in for special shifts on occasion. Sometimes I told them no if we had a show later that day, because I couldn’t predict when they’d cut me loose. Although Zack was no longer a dishwasher for a pretentious restaurant a couple blocks away from our apartment, he was still doing the same job for a nearby diner for the same amount of pay. Meanwhile, Braden worked for an electronics store in sales.
It didn’t feel right for Braden, but neither did washing dishes for Zack or cashiering for me.
Cy had the best gig out of all of us—he got a job as a security guard, unarmed, of course, at a government building somewhere nearby on Cap Hill. He made decent money and was always back at the apartment before six o’clock, Monday through Friday.Although he didn’t brag about it, he’d mentioned that he got benefits as well—not just insurance, but paid time off.
I tried not to be jealous.
As we suspected, we never heard back from the A&R rep who’d talked to us at our show on Colfax Ave. But Zack had been researching studios so we could put together a demo. If they weren’t going to come to us, we would go to them.
As I said, we’d gotten into a rhythm: Work, play a show. Work, play a show. Rest here and there.
Oh…and I couldn’t help myself. I was having indiscriminate sex again, this time because it felt good and, for just a few minutes, I felt loved. But it also felt like revenge, because I knew Zack was getting plenty of tail himself.
Unfortunately, it didn’t matter what I did. Part of me felt empty…unfulfilled. I was convinced that Zack could and eventually would fill that hole with love, but, in the meantime, I had to wait.
We played another larger show that Saturday. We didn’t expect much because we knew lots of people would be doing Christmas shopping or spending continued time with family visiting for Thanksgiving. We’d never played at this place before, a pretty large concert hall that could holdthousandsin the RiNo neighborhood close to I-70. But the coolest part was that we were the only opening act for Shock Treatment, a huge band with Johnny Church of Scathing Vengeance fame. Although we’d been playing with famous locals—and the rest of the band had met the guys from Fully Automatic—we’d never played with a world-famous band before.
I could hardly stand it.
We actually got to meet him and his band before the show, and I would have thought that would have been the best part of the evening—but it just kept getting better. We’d never played for so large a crowd, but I was sure it was nothing for ShockTreatment. When we found out they would be playing Red Rocks the next night, we figured they were here just to give their home state an extra show or two. Johnny said they’d be playing at the State Fair next summer too.
My mind spun, imagining what their lives must be like.
Thanks to them, we enjoyed an amazing show and got paid more than we ever had before—so much that Zack gave us quite a bit of spending money.
But that wasn’t all of it. After showering, I’d gotten dressed and was pulling my shoes back on when there was a knock at the door. “Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
I recognized Zack’s voice. “Yeah.” What could he possibly want?
When he entered, I saw him as if for the first time. More mature than when I’d fallen for him as a girl—better looking, stronger, more confident. And maybe he felt that way too. He was smiling and flushed, still sweaty from being onstage—but he looked happy and calm and, after a few seconds, I found out why. “Can you come out here for a sec?”
Well…that invitation confirmed he hadn’t come into my dressing room to seduce me. Not surprising, but a girl never gave up hope.
“Yeah,” I said, tightening my shoelace. “What’s up?”
“You’ll see.” Why was he being so secretive?
When I followed him to the dressing room he shared with our other band members (because, even in a larger venue, we weren’t big enough to be treated like stars yet), I saw the backs of a woman and man talking to Braden and Cy. Zack said, “Here she is.” As they turned, he started to say, “Dani, this is Kyle—”
“Summers and CJ Slavin! Oh, my God!” Of course, I knew who these two were. Both were from Colorado, famous in theirown right but even more well-known because of their status as a rock couple.
Kyle looked prettier in person than she did in all the pictures I’d seen of her online. Maybe it was because she always wore heavy makeup and looked perpetually pissed off—or maybe pictures just couldn’t capture who she really was. Here, though, she seemed softer, radiating happiness. “We wanted to meet you guys because we came for Shock Treatment—but, damn, your band blew us away.”
“Thank you” was all I could muster.
Braden said, “They thought we were still in high school.”
“Well, we wondered,” CJ said, “and there’s no shame in that. Do you guys know how old Kyle was when she started in the Vagabonds?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kyle said. “Lots of bands have their origins in high school—but not many girls get to play with the boys.” She was so right. Between the two of us, we would have been lucky to count on our fingers the number of hard rock and heavy metal bands that had a woman in the midst of men. And every band I could think of was better for it.
“I wanted all my best friends to be with me when we made it.” I didn’t know if Zack wanted to take credit for my drumming—even though he had every right to—but it annoyed me, nonetheless. How would he feel if I’d told them I hadn’t been his first choice?
Well, I would have been lying. Zack really had tried to get me to join from the beginning.I’dbeen the hesitant one.
But one of my idols was standing in front of me, a woman who could and did play guitar just as well as the men. Kyle said, “Try to nurture those relationships, guys. You saw what happened to me and my first band.”
