Page 51 of Shame Me
“Jesus, Zack. That’s gross,” I said, turning in my seat and sitting down, irritated.
I was probably even angrier because I knew he was right. He and Cy laughed and even Braden joined in. “At least you guys weren’t calledcharming. What does that even mean?”
“It’s like when someone asks you if you think a girl is cute and you tell them she’s got a good personality.”
I couldn’t help myself. Turning around in my seat again, I practically yelled. “Do you know how sexist that sounds, Zack?”
“Yeah, I do—and it was just a joke, Dani. Get over yourself. And keep your voice down. My head feels like you took your drumsticks to it.”
Although I didn’t say it out loud, I thoughtgood.
He deserved it.
Ah, but he didn’t. Last night, he’d drunk enough to drown a lifetime of sorrows—and that was a reminder to me that he was suffering inside. But why wouldn’t he talk about it?
Now wasn’t the time. All three guys went to sleep shortly after settling back into the seats. Meanwhile, I fumed over not just the TikTok girl but all the others who, last night, had decided that they too loved Zack Ryan. And they thought they knew him, based on a few lines in some songs, but those lyrics barely scratched the surface.
I knew the whole man…even if he wasn’t mine.
But that didn’t mean I could save him from himself.
A few nights later,we were in Phoenix. Unlike Flagstaff, Phoenix still felt like summer, even though back at home, leaves were turning shades of yellow, orange, and red. That night behind my drumkit, I was grateful for the fan Mick had insisted on.
That night was a bit of a turning point for me—and not in a good way. We were partying with some fans in one of the roadies’ rooms, and a guy there offered me cocaine—and I was already buzzed from the rum I’d been drinking. “I’ve never tried it before. What does it do?”
“It’s the best feeling. You’ll feel like you’re on top of the world—like you can do anything.”
It was stupid, but I said, “Yeah. Why not?”
While he used a debit card to make a white line of powder on his phone, he said, “Great drumming, by the way. You can hold your own with these guys.”
“Thanks…for coming to the show.”
“Yeah. I never miss LFS when they come to town.” With that, he handed me a short straw. “Just sniff it through there. Hold down the other nostril and just—”
But I already held the straw between my finger and thumb and had it poised at the beginning of the line. Without hesitation, I sucked the line of powder into my nose.
Oh, God.
It almost hurt the way it burned in my nostril and the back of my throat. That lovely sensation was followed by a bitter taste filling my mouth.
And then…wow. My heart started thudding as if I were banging on my bass drums double time and everything around me grew crisp and clear, as if I’d been nearly blind and put on glasses that brought everything into sharp focus.
“What do you think?”
“Holy shit. It’s like someone turned the lights on.”
“Yeah,” he said, laughing, creating another line. I was going to tell him one snort was enough until I realized the next was for him. After he did two lines, he pinched his nose together and then wiped at it. “I never party without blow.”
“I can see why,” I said, as a feeling of euphoria mixed with power began to flow through my veins.
“Hey…you wanna get out of here?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” I really didn’t feel that way—or did I? I had this sensation of someone else possessing my body, someone far more confident and aware than little ol’ me. I felt like a goddess, as if I had power untold. I could do fucking anything. After slamming the rest of my drink, I put my hand on the guy’s chest.
I never found out his name.
He wrapped a possessive arm around my back, nuzzling my ear before leading me through the crowded room. As we left the party, I saw Zack leaning against the wall, talking to a girl Iwould definitely describe as a groupie—and we locked eyes. The moment seemed to last forever, and I felt like I could read his mind.
