Page 60 of Shame Me
His eyes grew wide, an expression I was used to seeing on Braden’s face. “Are you wanting to do that?”
“No—I’m just saying…if they didn’t work, people wouldn’t do them.”
“Well,” he said, setting his bag of popcorn on the nightstand, “if you decide to talk to him, I think you should wait till after the tour.”
I disagreed—but I wasn’t going to argue…and, because the movie was playing again, I just nodded and said, “Thanks.”
But I was more determined than ever to try to save my best friend, despite what his other best friend thought.
My exhaustion caught up to me, and I fell asleep during the last part of the movie. I stirred when the sound stopped abruptly and then I felt Braden pull the loose bedspread from the bottom of the bed over my shoulders before touching my cheek. And he whispered something I couldn’t quite hear.
When I fully woke up later and got ready to meet up with our bandmates, I convinced myself I’d dreamed all that. Because, if I hadn’t, it meant that Braden had deeper feelings for me than I could have ever imagined—and, unfortunately, they weren’t reciprocal.
Not long after that,we had another off day in Orlando, Florida, with a show the next night—and Zack started drinking right after breakfast. Mick’s guards had already abandoned theirjobs and, I suspected, were happy to aid Zack in his quest for alcohol. They’d all grown to love Zack and constantly talked about old rowdy shows they’d worked on. Zack was going to be just another fun story for them and they didn’t care because they wouldn’t have to pick up the pieces once they started working for the next band.
I couldn’t keep putting off the discussion I wanted to have with Zack—but I didn’t know how to approach him.
We spent the day at the beach, every last one of us, even Schultz, who drove us there. I tried not to focus on the parking fee—or the shared lunch tab. Instead, I tried to do what everyone else was, appreciating the warm weather, knowing that, when we returned to Colorado, we wouldn’t be enjoying temperatures like this.
Plus it was harder for Zack to drink in this situation—and, for that, I was grateful.
Still, by mid-afternoon, he just lay on a towel and put on sunglasses, determined to shut everyone out. So I took that opportunity to speak with our other bandmates alone farther down the beach. “I’m going to talk to Zack tonight.”
“Dani, don’t,” Braden said.
Cy asked, “About what?”
“His drinking problem. I’m really worried about him—and it’s getting worse, not better.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Braden said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I know you don’t think so, but I can’t stand by idly while he kills himself with vodka.”
Cy said, “Do you think it’ll work?”
“Yeah, or I wouldn’t do it.”
“What’ll you say?”
“I don’t know yet…but I’m not gonna yell or accuse or make him feel guilty or anything like that. I just want to tell him howI feel—and let him know that we’re here if he needs a lifeline.” At that, Braden’s eyes softened, realizing that I wasn’t going to excoriate our friend. “I think he feels lost and he’s suffering—and maybe if he knows he can talk to us about it…I don’t know, but I can’t just sit around watching him kill himself.”
“Yeah.” Cy nodded, looking around to make sure no one else was eavesdropping. “Do you want us there too?”
“No.” That was one area where I agreed with Braden. Confronting Zack would be futile. “I don’t want him to think we’re ganging up on him.”
Again, Braden nodded, letting out a soft sigh.
“But Idoneed your help.”
“Name it.”
“Would you be okay if we traded rooms tonight?” I asked Cy. “It may take a while to get where we need to before he opens up, but at least we’ll be in a private space.”
Braden asked, “But what if he refuses? You know how he sometimes gets mad and storms off?”
“If he does get angry,I’llleave—and then I’ll come back to our room and sleep in the chair.”
