Page 86 of Shame Me
“Dani…that’s not it.” For a brief moment, there was tenderness in his voice…the boy I loved was still in there somewhere. But he’d been possessed by this monster, this man who was trying to kill both him and me and take our band down in flames. Still, I paused, my hand resting on the doorknob. “I get it if you want to break up. That’s fine. But you’ve got to get your shit together. I can’t have you killing my band just ‘cause you’re mad at me.”
Mad?That was the understatement of the year—and he was shifting the blame to me like it was my fault. Whipping around, I spat, “I can’t just turn off my emotions like a water faucet, Zack. And my shit is way more together than yours.” He just shook his head, almost smugly. “And I hate that you’ve been using me this whole time, taking my body whenever you fucking wanted it while stifling me in the most important way possible, telling me that this band is yours, not ours…that I can’t play the way I want to. You’re nothing but a walking, talking double standard—and I expected that out of these assholes we’re on tour with…but notyou. You were supposed to be my friend long before you were my boyfriend—and you’ve done nothing but make me feel like I’m nobody.”
It turned out he was no better than Ava.
“I never said that shit, Dani. Youdomatter. You’re an important part of this band.”
“Then why don’t you treat me like it? Why don’t you let me play like I want?”
And here came his fucking double standard shining like a beacon on a hill. “You’repartof the band—but it’s stillmyband, and that means we go bymyrules.”
“And yet I played all the drum tracks on the album your way and thenmyway—and, in case you forgot, they kept some of my fills in the final version because they sounded good for the songs.Better than the original versions.You’ll never be able to take that away from me. So you know what? Fire me if you want. I’m done playing by your stupid rules, because you broke every last one of mine.”
When I finally stormed out of the room, I grew even angrier seeing Braden and Cy standing just outside my door. God…I had so many things to say tothemas well, but I was spent. My heart had been shattered into a million pieces, and they had been accessories to the crime.
Walking outside, I realized I’d left my jacket onstage and I hoped the roadies would return it at some point. But I hugged my arms around myself and walked toward the bus and then around it before I kept walking.
Maybe I’d lost Zack…or maybe I’d never actually had him.
But I did have the music, and I was going to cling to it like it was a root I was gripping to keep myself from falling off the edge of a cliff.
Because it sure as hell felt like it.
CHAPTER 26
The next morning, we arrived in Portland and, after an early lunch where I sat as far from my band members as possible and avoided eye contact, Mick asked to have a word with me. Because Mick was usually softhearted and secretly sweet with me while staying gruff with the guys, I figured he was going to ask me about the breakup and offer me comfort.
As we walked around the side of the bus, I tightened my jacket around my frame, grateful that our road crew had returned it to me, and I told myself maybe Ididhave a friend out here after all…even if Mick was more like a father figure.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. “Is it true you decked Randy last night?”
Randy. The douchebag drummer in Ashen Retribution. “Yeah…but he had it comin’.”
“That may be…but did you know he’s considering suing you?”
I started laughing, even though the thought of being sued was terrifying. “Are you kidding? He’s whining about my reaction after he asked if I was on my period?”
Mick’s expression softened a bit. “He did?”
“Yeah—and that was after other insulting shit. They are constantly saying nasty things to me. Those guys are dicks.”
“That may be—but you can’t go around punching them. You should have brought it to me and I could have handled it.”
“Yeah. And then they would have teased me about not being able to fight my own battles. I can’t win with those guys—and I don’t regret it.” Mick let out a long sigh—and inspiration hit me. “You know what? I’d kinda like to have him sue me, so the whole world knows agirldecked him and made him cry. It might be good publicity.”
Mick grinned. “I can see how that would be tempting—but their TM isn’t the happiest guy, either, and I have to deal with him a lot…so would you apologize to him—as a favor to me?”
I gave it two beats and then said, “Fine. But only becauseyouasked.”
“Good. Now I have another question.”
“Okay.”
“What the hell happened with you and the guys last night? Did you punch all of them too?”
Despite the reminder of my aching heart, I laughed again. “No. Of course not. But they probably deserved it to.”
“What the hell’s going on? The guys aren’t saying shit.”
