Page 9 of Shame Me
It was loud in the hall, raucous and noisy, but the feeling of life and intensity in there were impossible to deny. No matter how weird I’d felt as I’d parted from my date for the evening, I couldn’t help but feel renewed and excited now. As I mademy way farther down the hall toward our dressing room, I saw Braden and Zack, but no Cy, no Fully Automatic members.
“What’s going on?”
Zack said, “We were only talking to one of the most epic bands around—and you missed it.”
I tried not to be upset, but my face gave away what I really felt. Worse, though, was the fact that I suspected Zack maybewantedme to be bummed out.
Braden seemed to miss all of the unspoken subtext between me and Zack—and I hoped Zack could tell I’d been with a guy right before arriving. Meanwhile, Braden said, “You would have loved them, Dani. I didn’t know till we were talkin’ to them, but they had a female lead singer for a long time while they were doing the indie—what’d they call it again, Zack?”
“The indie circuit.”
“Yeah. The indie circuit. But when Zack told them our schedule, they seemed impressed by all the shows he has lined up.”
“They were just being nice, Bray.”
“Maybe. But they were cool dudes.” Turning back to me, he said, “But their old singer has her own band now—and she’s married to the lead singer of Fully Automatic.”
“Why are you telling me this, Braden?” I grinned. “Do you want me to join a different band?”
“No way. I just thought you might find it inspiring.”
Maybe. But what had lifted me up tonight so far as being one of few women onstage had been seeing the bassist in Clara’s Dolls. I wouldn’t tell the guys, at least not yet, but I often felt lonely and misunderstood. I wouldn’t complain about any of it, but these guys didn’t get what it was like playing while dealing with menstrual cramps. They’d also never understand why I struggled to find the best waterproof makeup so I wouldn’t sweat it all off during a show. And they definitely wouldn’t appreciatehow Ifeltas a female surrounded by nothing but men. They’d never hear any of these feminine complaints from me, but that didn’t mean I didn’t appreciate seeing another woman here.
“Here’s what Braden’snottelling you. Those guys said they loved our shit and they’re going to talk to someone with their record label.”
Braden’s beautiful eyes grew big as a grin spread across his face. “Yeah, they said we sound good enough to be on the radio.”
“Professionalwas the word they kept using. So I gave ‘em one of our shitty demos but pointed them to our YouTube channel. I just hope they check that out, ‘cause our best stuff is there.”
“Holy crap. You think something will come of it?”
Even though Zack shrugged, I could see in his eyes that it was something he’d expected all along.
CHAPTER 3
After that, my emotions were all over the fucking place. As Clara’s Dolls hauled their equipment down the hallway, my rollercoaster night hit me: I’d played to an awesome crowd, got a little heated with a cute guy (a man whose last name I didn’t know and whose number I didn’t possess), and I’d missed a face-to-face meeting with an amazing—and famous—band. At the time, my disappointment overwhelmed me the more I thought about it, but I didn’t stop to realize that I would meet more bands as time went on (including Fully Automatic), and some, on occasion, would be just as famous as the ones I’d missed chatting with.
As I saw the bassist from Clara’s Dolls walking down the hall toward me to where their dressing room was, all that other shit fell to the wayside. Here was my chance to establish a connection with a sister, and then we wouldn’t have to feel as alone out here.
She held her bass like I’d hold a wallet, the shaft in one hand by her side. Her blonde hair with bright pink tips was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, dark makeup causing her eyes to look sunken, but her curved biceps would put many a young man to shame. She wore shredded jeans and a red tank top thatemphasized her thin body, but it was her attitude that I admired the most. I could feel her hard edges from yards away.
“Hey, great show,” I said as she got closer.
But she didn’t say a word. In fact, she barely took the time tolookat me, but she finally glanced as she walked past. Her eyes scanned down my body before making contact with mine, and all I could feel was cold.
Haughty. Rude. Nasty.
What the hell did I ever do to her?
Her attitude shut my mouth down. I had no response. Braden whispered in my ear, “She’s just jealous, Dani.”
Why would she be jealous ofme? I didn’t think that was true, but I had a lot of emotions to process—and those guaranteed I’d likely have another sleepless night.
As I’d suspected,I had a hard time sleeping. It was more than just thinking of Fully Automatic and our chance at fame or being looked down upon by the bass player of Clara’s Dolls. It was far more—and I realized, after dreaming more than once about almost engaging in sex, I questioned why I hadn’t gone all the way with Danny. Even though we’d been interrupted, I hadn’t had to answer my phone and I definitely didn’t need to leave the warmth of his arms.
In the grand scheme of things, did it matter? He hadn’t asked for my number, so the chances of seeing him again were slim. Because he’d blown me off at the end, I decided to be glad I hadn’t had sex with him.
But he’d focused my mind on the act and my deep desires—and I knew there were plenty of good-looking guys out there. Surely, a few of them wouldn’t mind getting a little cozy with me.
