Page 22 of Shame Me
Cy said, “You haven’t drawn any cards.”
I just shook my head, making my way toward the bathroom. I wasn’t going to cry, but if I had to keep looking at Zack and that girl, I was going to lose my shit. Maybe I was getting better at bluffing, but I couldn’t do it well enough to pretend seeing Zack wasn’t upsetting. Even though he wasn’t touching her oranything, the way he was leaned up against the wall, giving her his easy smile and all his attention told me exactly what I didn’t want to know.
In the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. What was it about me that Zack didn’t want? I wasn’t ugly…and we had always been great friends until recently.
That was why I’d been indulging in mind-numbing substances and having sex with strangers—it was an attempt to push Zack out of my head. And, although I knew I wasn’t going to be getting chummy with any of the band assholes in our apartment that night, Ididplan to get drunk as soon as I left the bathroom.
But, when I stepped out, Wes was blocking the exit out of the hallway.
At first, I wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose, so I tried sidestepping him, but he anticipated my move and shifted so he stayed in my way. As usual, he wore baggy jeans and his short blond hair looked uncombed—and I wondered why he thought I might be interested in him. Even if Zack were a bigger asshole and even if I’d moved on to other pastures, Wes would not have been on my list—not as a potential hook up and definitely not as a love interest.
“Excuse me,” I said, trying to make my voice sound less irritated than I was.
“No excuse for you.”
“That is the oldest, lamest joke in the book.”
“Not meant to be a joke,” Wes said, his eyes narrowing. “I need to get your attention.”
“Um…you kind of have it. I don’t really have a choice right now.”
Although I hadn’t thought it possible, he got even closer to me, breaking into my personal space. “Don’t you have anyfantasies, Dani? I don’t mean your band dreams. I mean don’t you want to explore your womanhood?”
I knew at that point that this wasn’t going to get any better—and I couldn’t be subtle with this guy. Something I’d learned in the short few months of my adult life was that some men were clueless—and Wes was definitely one of them. “Not with you,” I said, this time trying to shove my way past him.
But he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close before pushing my back against the wall—and even though we didn’t have more than thirty people in our apartment, there was no way anyone could have heard me if I yelled, partially thanks to the loud music…and I wasn’t about to wait for a knight in shining armor to come save me. I already knew there was no one here who would do that. I’d have to do it myself.
“C’mon, Dani. You don’t want to be with these kids. You need to be with a real man—”
As he brought his lips near my neck, I wriggled enough that I was able to force my knee up—and, even though I didn’t have the satisfaction of hitting his balls with everything I had, I was able to connect enough that he let go.
But not before slapping me hard across my cheek.
“Fuck you, asshole!” I spat, rushing past him before he had a chance to grab me again. Even then, I felt his hand brush over the back of my shirt. For a moment, I considered going into my bedroom, but if he were able to overpower me, he could potentially rape me in my bed without a second chance or anyone even knowing. There was safety in numbers and I marched straight to the kitchen.
But should I tell someone?
I was surprised to find Zack in the kitchen with a few other people, Ms. Boobs nowhere near him. He was holding a couple of beer bottles, getting ready to move back to the living room, but he made eye contact with me.
And I must have looked like a frightened animal.
“Are you okay?”
I didn’t think. I just spoke, shaking my head. “No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Wes—” What exactly should I say? And what if I’d misconstrued everything?
And then, of course, was the reality that, if we wanted to party like this, he was our liquor supplier and, after everything Zack had done for the band, I didn’t want to ruin anything for him.
But before I could figure out exactly what I wanted to divulge, Zack said, “Motherfucker.” Setting the bottles on the counter, he flew to the hallway. I was still a bit shaken so I stood there, unable to move. It wasn’t until Zack was literally pulling Wes out of the hallway, his pants partially down, that I felt Braden’s hand on my shoulder.
Zack was shouting, but the crowd drowned him out. When he tossed Wes out the door, though, we couldn’t miss Zack’s words. “I don’t give a shit. You’re not welcome here.”
Before the door slammed on his face, he said, “Dani deserves a man like me.”
It took me a bit to realize what I’d just seen. Wes must have either been taking a leak or jacking off when Zack yanked him out of the hall or bathroom. But Zack had instantly become my hero—and someone I needed to interrogate. Why the hell did Wes think I wanted someone like him?
