Page 63 of Shame Me
I bit my bottom lip. “I didn’t think you knew.”
“I couldn’t have missed it after you blew up when I brought her to practice that time.”
“Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is you showed me my true worth. You were a real friend. You weren’t just using me to make yourself look good.”
“That’s ‘cause we connected.”
Unable to help myself, I moved my hand back to his jaw. “We did. And so I want you to know thatyoumatter, Zack. Not just to this entire planet, but to me. You—”
His lips didn’t just graze mine that time. Instead, they consumed me and my mouth watered as his tongue touched mine again. As my entire body warmed up, as his hands moved underneath my t-shirt to touch the flesh of my lower back, I knew I was going to give in once more.
But this time was different. This time I would willingly give myself to Zack to save him.
So, even though I knew tomorrow would be the end of us once more, I didn’t care. For the first time ever, I felt like Zack needed this connection just as much as I did.
And I wasn’t about to deny either one of us.
CHAPTER 18
Unlike the first time Zack and I had had sex—where I was willingly giving myself to him because I believed we’d be together forever—this time I knew he needed connection, and I wasn’t going to push him away. I’d come here as a friend and I was continuing as a friend.
So, as we kissed, I tried not to let my head get filled with hearts and flowers and love songs.This is for Zack.Not the man I’d loved and pined over for years, but my best friend who was struggling, on the edge and ready to fall.
Our kisses were slow, controlled, and so when I touched the bottom of his shirt, I pulled it up deliberately. Everything we did was in slow motion. As we broke apart to pull the shirt over his head, our eyes met, full of understanding with no words.
Oh, my God. This was really happening again.
But it somehow felt different…more real. More intense.
Was it because I was an adult now instead of a kid? Sure, our first time hadn’t been that long ago, but I’d done a lot of maturing since the first time Zack and I had been together. Today, I felt more like a woman, one with a bit of a thicker skin and less fragile heart…which meant I could bear the inevitable rejection tomorrow morning.
Although I didn’t stare, I could tell Zack had lost weight. He didn’t take his shirt off onstage like a couple of the LFS guys did in the warmer venues, so I hadn’t noticed. To keep my mind off it, I pulled my own t-shirt off. After dropping it to the floor, I got close to him again. When his hands touched my bare back, my breath caught in my throat. Again, I had to fight that bubbling feeling of love and adoration brewing in my belly, because this was temporary.
This was for Zack, not for me.
Instead of kissing again, Zack’s fingers moved to the waistband of my jeans. His fingers were trembling before he began unbuttoning them, and I stroked his back as if to reassure him. There was a sense of reverence, as if each motion we made meant something, and we removed the remainder of each other’s clothing one piece at a time.
When we finally sat back on the bed naked, instead of kissing me, Zack rested his head on my shoulder. I said, “I’m here. Whatever you need.”
It was then that he raised his head, his eyes burning into mine, but I wasn’t sure if it was desire or something else. And the way he kissed me then felt more like something deeper. This wasn’t an act to just get us off.
It was something else…and we both knew it.
But, after some time, I could tell he was holding back. Even though we finally lay on the bed, he wasonlykissing me. It could have been that he wasn’t physically up for it, but I suspected something else. Maybe he needed prodding. “Make love to me, Zack.”
His eyes said more than words ever could. As if I’d given him a green light, his fingers trailed down my neck before brushing over my breast, and his mouth soon followed. A small moan formed in my throat as I ran my fingers down his back. For just amoment before, I’d wondered if maybe we were just going to lie in bed together, but I knew he needed more.
He needed to connect with me.
When I wrapped my legs around him, I realized I needed that connection too, even though it would be gone tomorrow. But he was touching me as if I were a piece of glass that might shatter. Still, I didn’t think I should kiss him with aggression, because that wasn’t what either of us needed. As he kissed me again, he murmured, “God, Dani.”
Squeezing his ass, I wondered if I should roll him over or hold his cock—but that would be putting myself in the driver’s seat, and I wanted him in control here. Finally, though, he pressed his dick against my pussy, and there was no denying he was ready. For a split second, I thought about telling him to put on a condom, but that would have ruined the moment. We wouldn’t have been completely united with that between us.
When he entered me, I felt as if I were being filled up and, as he began slowly moving in and out, he held me tightly, as if I were a lifeline. It wasn’t until then that I realized I really had needed this as much as he did. Here we could communicate without words, say the things there was no language for. His eyes, his lips, his body told me that he cared about me more than he’d ever let on.
But, no, I knew that wasn’t true. I couldn’t let the physicality of the moment overpower my common sense. And yet I loved Zack to the bottom of my soul and this was the best way to tell him that.
I knew I wasn’t going to orgasm and part of the reason was because I really didn’t want to. Not right now. This moment was about love, friendship, and communication—but the slow way Zack was moving in and out of me and the way he held himself up as if he were afraid he’d crush me stimulated me just the same.
