Page 9 of The Splendor of Fire
Goosebumps rose up along his arms but he felt no chill before the heat of the fire.
“Mon Dieu?”
I’m here.
Unsure what to say, he spoke back. “Where’ve you been?”
With you.
Heart pounding, Léo dropped the Psalter—unable to stop the voice, unable to calm his mind. In madness, he found himself arguing with a voice that called itself God. “When? When my father forsook his wife and took Maman? You’ve forgotten me since the moment I was conceived in sin. I’m cursed.”
I’ve been with you since the moment your mother called out to me in fright.I was with her, and breathed you into life to save her. A blessing.
Léo’s voice trembled with disbelief.“And when I was abandoned in France by my own brothers?”
I was there and strengthened you. I sent you a new brother to protect you and watch over you. I gave you my favor in a foreign land.
Defiance burned through him as he asked the most painful of all his questions. “Where were you when Théa held our son and slipped into death? I know you weren’t there. I know it.”
Even then, I was there as I welcomed her home. I held your heart as you held your firstborn son. Not even for a breath were you forgotten. You are remembered.
Unprepared for the words surrounding him, Léo slid forward across the rough straw mat and rested his head upon the floor, grief for all he’d lost crashing upon him. For years his survival had depended on his ability to avoid thinking of all the things that had made life cruel. Now locked in this cell, his thoughts and memories were all he had—tearing him apart, devouring him, and making him mad.
“I want to be with Théa. Lord, she fills my thoughts every moment. They torment me here with no distraction from my mind. Please, takeme home.” Sobs racked him, his heart cleaving for the woman who had made him whole.
You will see her again. But there is more for you. Théa didn’t make you whole.
“How can there be more for me?”
Great is the inheritance for those who love me.
He clenched the straw mat, the reeds crushing in his fists. “But I do love you.”
You don’t recognize me. How can you love me?
Hurt and indignation radiated through his soul. “What do you mean? My mother taught me all about you. I have always believed.”
I’ve given you more than belief. I’m making you ready.
“Ready for what?”
The voice was quiet.
“I said, ready for what?”
The voice remained silent.
Frustrated to be cornered by the voice that called itself God, he wanted to keep wrestling.“You are making me ready for some unknown…thing. In prison. Doesn’t seem like a very good plan. Wouldn’t this be easier if you broke open the door to my cell?”
Léo’s eyes shot to the door, half expecting it to blow off the hinges. Nothing happened. “Well?”
Far away, he almost heard the sound of laughter.
I’m making you ready, right here.
Aggravated, Léo released a growl. He was going mad. Mad and talking to himself. Mad to believe that God remembered him, madder still to believe God was listening. “You say you won’t leave me. Everyone leaves me. My brothers, Maman, Théa…”
I promise to remain with you. Remain in me, and you will learn who I am. Then you will recognize me.
