Page 70 of Pinch
“Shit.” He exhales the word, then he looks past me at the bush where I fell.
Clearing my throat, I hold his forearms and step out of his embrace, doing my best to get my bearings. This is no time for panic. We have to be logical, scientific.
“I was using the birth control patch, but I guess I was kind of sloppy before Halloween. I wasn’t having sex, and I didn’t keep track of how long I’d wear one.” Swallowing my nerves, I straighten my shoulders. “It’s my fault.”
My neck is hot, and I don’t know why my silly eyes heat. I amnotgoing to cry. I’ll accept whatever shock or outburst he might have with strength and dignity…
“No way!” He steps forward quickly, covering my clasped hands with his large one. “It’s as much my fault as yours. I didn’t use a condom.”
“But I told you it was okay.”
He looks down at the pavement before lifting his blue eyes to mine. “What do you want to do?” His brows pull together, and he almost seems in pain.
I swallow air, and my chest trembles. Chewing my lip, I inhale slowly before I say it. “I…”exhale a terrified breath. “I want to keep it. I figure…”
“Oh, man, okay. That’s good.” His words come out in a rush, and he scoops me into his arms before I can finish my sentence. “I was so scared to ask that question.”
Now my eyes really are burning, and my stomach twists.
Gripping his arms, I step out of his hug once more.
“Yes… well…” My throat is thick.No crying, Haddy. “I figure I won’t start showing until late next semester, I hope. I’m almost finished with my degree. If I can just graduate before anyone notices?—”
“What do you mean?” He’s frowning again. “Why does that matter?”
“My scholarship.” Besides telling Gavin, losing my scholarship is my next biggest fear. “I can’t be pregnant and be an International Princess Woman. I’ll be stripped of my title if they find out.”
“What the fuck, why?”
“We have a code, Gavin. I can’t be pregnant.”
“Why not? You’re awoman. It’s in the title.”
“Anunmarriedwoman. We’re supposed to set an example to little girls, other pageant participants. IPW has standards?—”
“You have the highest standards of anyone I know. Hell, you don’t even swear.”
“I can’t change the way the program works. My only choice is to hope they don’t find out before next semester ends.”
His jaw tightens, and he blusters with protective rage. I kind of fall in love with him a little bit for it. Not that I could actuallybein love with him. We’ve only really known each other a few months.
“Would it change anything if I proposed?” His brow is lowered. “They couldn’t kick you out if you were getting married, could they?”
Shaking my head, I exhale a laugh. “We can’t get married to save my title. I mean, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll just lie low and hope for the best.”
His eyes hold mine, and I see all the thoughts going onthere. We have a lot to discuss, logistics, how this would even work, how much he wants to be involved.
I know it’s a risky decision to stay pregnant when I don’t even have a job and I’m not even finished with college. I know it’s because I have the privilege of rich parents who love me, a big family that loves babies, security…
Even with all of that, I want to do this myself. My independent streak is fierce, and I’ve never liked people taking care of me. It makes me itchy and restless to think I owe someone or I’m dependent on someone to live.
At the same time, I want this little baby so much. I don’t even know why, but it already feels like this little person is meant to be.
Gavin steps closer, taking my hand again. “What if we got married because we wanted to?”
“What?” My eyes snap to his.
“We could try it. If it doesn’t work out, no harm, no foul. Your title is safe, the baby is covered…”
