Page 105 of Between Love and Loathing
She smiled at him, her hand drifting over his chest before she said, “See? We work as a team. Even if you had to have a little fun with her. And I’m sorry about faking the pregnancy, okay? But don’t make me fake a miscarriage with the press now.” She eyed me warily. “Answer my call later, Dominic, or the press will change its tune.”
It didn’t matter that she promised to help, Dimitri was already escorting paparazzi off the premises. People were already leaving the party.
The night air had shifted. And something in Dominic’s eyes had shifted too. “Let’s walk down the beach. Let the staff take care of the rest of the party.”
My feet were frozen there as I stared at him. “I think I should go home, Dominic. Actually, I should stay here and then…” I could afford an apartment now. I could afford the penthouse for months if I wanted. “Mrs. Johnson delivered an envelope with updates from the will. I’m… I’ll start looking for an apartment.”
He whipped around to glare at me. “You think it’s going to be that easy?”
Leaving him would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt it in every part of me, the physical ache beginning. “No. I think it’s rather difficult, Dominic. I honestly think it will make me physically ill.”
His eyes flared with concern before he swept me up to go down to the ocean with me, away from the lights, away from the resort. He walked with me in his arms for minutes upon minutes.
My fake boyfriend held onto me as if I was real on that beach, and the feelings I had for him felt almost too real to bear.
CLARA
“It was the last lie she told me that did us in.” He confessed as we watched the water wash up to shore. “I’d almost been ruined by her blaming Susie’s injury on me publicly but I didn’t care. That was my fault anyway.”
I stayed silent, not sure what to say.
“That baby though? The way I thought I was having a mini me. Do you know I bought the crib, the blankets, the little pacifiers? I researched what she should be eating, drinking—everything. I even got the car seat set up.” His voice cracked with pain. “Natya said she was only eight weeks along, but I didn’t care. I wanted that kid. I wanted that life. I wanted her.”
The tide was high, and the waves crashed close to our feet. In and out, cold water and cool air, over and over again as the city around us went to sleep.
“She lied about all of it.” I said it as a statement because she’d admitted it in front of me. Her words had been vicious, yet he hadn’t so much as flinched, like he was used to her in the way that I was probably used to my family’s twisted emotional abuse. He even told her to handle it, like he still trusted her to do so. I asked him, “Do you think she’ll actually tell the press what we want?”
“Yes, because she’ll save her reputation. She’s not stupid. She knows how far to push me.”
I didn’t know if there was respect in his words. “She knows all your buttons, it seems.”
“My weaknesses too.” He dragged a finger up my arm, and I shuddered. I hated that I didn’t pull away, not even when we were talking about her. “I wanted the perfect life with her. We’d mapped it out. I thought she wanted that too. Now, maybe she does.”
Could I be jealous of the idea of another woman? What he thought she was? Because I felt like disappearing into the sand as he said those words, burying myself under there so I didn’t have to hear how his heart broke for her.
I didn’t know what to say other than, “I’m sorry she hurt you.” I took a breath and held his hand in the silence, breathed in and out while the water rushed up and then back.
His silence was heavy with something, and I hated to think it was regret. He’d pushed her away this time with me, but maybe he really loved her. “She still wants you, Dominic. Maybe you could call her and work through it.”
I think a person must really love another when they’re willing to sacrifice their happiness for that person’s. They relinquish their heart, break it up into pieces, offer what they can to make the other person’s heart whole.
He didn’t say one way or the other if he wanted to make it work. He stared out at the lights flickering off near the resort. “I don’t think I can love a woman like I loved the idea of her,” His gaze turned to me, and I saw the desolate emptiness, the sorrow, and the pain. “I don’t want to love someone like I did her… not ever again. I risked my career, hurt people, hurt her, and lost the idea of something I wanted more than life itself.”
The words sliced through my heart and soul. The breath I took in was shaky as my eyes filled with tears I knew I couldn’t shed in front of him. He turned back to the water like he couldn’t bear to see me cry over him, but when I tried to pull my hand away, he held it. He didn’t let me stand up but instead pulled my body close to his. We sat with that heavy silence weighing us down for too long that night.
I knew Dominic had embraced the darkness as he gazed out at the ocean. His soul had waded out to sea and left the flickering light of the city behind. He didn’t want the light or the path back to salvation. He wanted to drown in his pain. I tried to understand it, but I’d left the darkness behind, and couldn't drown in it with him if I wanted to survive.
I wouldn’t.
Sure, you could die of a disease, but I think people could also die from heartbreak.
Love and heartbreak. Those were two emotions you couldn’t hide. I felt them both at that moment. “I can’t stay with you like this, Dominic.” I forced myself to say those words.
“Like what?” His eyes suddenly sliced over to me.
“I don’t want to be a second thought or the girl who took only a piece of you. Not when I deserve all of you. And I know this is all for show—”
“What I feel for you isn’t all for show,” he ground out, but his confession was full of anger.
